Infinite Et Cetera

My Top 5 Favorite Places To Camp In Modern Warfare 3

2012-01-02T14:08:00.000-08:00

As my Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 3 bracketed callsign indicates (Number zero, or [#0]), I do not think highly of my game. Despite a few lucky head-shots and Semtex sticky blasts you'll most often see me spinning around in circles racking up my death count and ruining any chance of our team winning a match.

After playing the game for about fifty hours since purchase I can tell you that all of what I have learned comes courtesy of the more experienced players. Through years of practice, the seasoned COD player knows where to find every hidden grassy knoll or shadowed corner. They wait and stalk, quietly hovering above the trigger button. Moving slowly, they wait to hear your footsteps until, just like that, you're shot dead. Then they move on.

I choose not to.

Not only because it's the only way I can get multiple kills, but because I'm still awful at this game after hours of practice. Also, I find it incredibly funny to provoke someone I may have killed four times from hiding in the same spot for five minutes.

So, for all of you cowardly assholes looking for some easy kills and hearty laughs I present you with my top 5 favorite places to camp in Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 3:

#5.) Map: DOME. Specific Camping Location: There's a grassy corner right near the giant dome that you can squat in for almost the entire match and average at least three kills. It's near two exit/entrances and there's a third one up towards the left.

#4.) Map: MISSION. Specific Camping Location: Near two barrels you can set up shop where most of the action happens in this map. Much like the Dome camping space, you have enemies flying in from all over. They're usually running up and down the hill in front of you as well as coming from across the bridge to your left.

#3.) Map: HARDHAT. Specific Camping Location: In the middle of the map you've got everyone's favorite underground sewer. Sit atop it at any point during the game and you can kill people coming out of it or anyone coming from the enclosed area to the right.

#2.) Map: ARKADEN. Specific Camping Location: This one almost made my #1 pick. Here you're hidden in the center of the action with enemies spawning right in front of that entrance. Most of the seasoned players will come from behind and knife you but I find it worth the risk. I can't tell you how many people never look there and run to your right just waiting to be sniped.

#1.) Map: CARBON. Specific Camping Location: Making #1 on my list is this enclosed area located in the left corner of the map. It's great because nobody can run behind you and if you're fast enough you can kill anything that runs/walks by. Careful though, after you kill the same guy a third time he will be frustrated and may start throwing grenades from every angle to try and oust you. This spot will guarantee you at least 6 or 7 kills during a match and provide loads of laughs.

The 96%, More or Less

2011-12-30T21:17:00.000-08:00

Count me in.

Speaking of wishful thinking, here's what I demand/expect from the upcoming 2012:

1. More courteous thank-you hand gestures when I let people merge.

2. Less sodium intake.

3. More reflection on the music I bought ten years ago. More listening to that music in my car and remembering how much Fantastic Damage changed my taste in Hip-Hop and music in general.

4. Less Tebowing from everyone.

5. More grilled asparagus and exotic beer tasting.

6. Less time spent having to use my current pair of glasses.

7. More Dodger games attended.

8. Less worrying about the roots slowly decaying from beneath my molars.

9. More time off from work spent with the Mrs.

10. Less cutting people off mid-sentence. Not sure how I picked this up but it's a dick move and I've already cut back.

11. More of a routine around health checks. Medical benefits being wasted every month is nonsense.

12. Less jury duty.

13. More movie watching and less TV show watching. There's so much I still haven't caught up on.

14. Less people blocking the driveway.

15. More visits to Seal Beach.

16. Less TVs falling on my head in the warehouse.

17. More priority around updating IEC and reminding myself how fun it is to write.

Be safe you filthy animals!

Jingle Jingle Jingle

2011-12-24T21:31:00.000-08:00

With just two hours until most of Los Angeles visits a Catholic church for midnight mass I think now is the time to finally step away from getting pwned in Call of Duty to spruce up the joint.

*spruce spruce*

The year shaped up nicely. The Dodgers will be McCourt-less in 2012, I survived another year of retail turmoil, and my girlfriend (now fiancee) of two years said she's up to the challenge of dealing with my forgetful squirrel-like attention span and deplorable kitchen sink sponge habits for an eternity (awww.)

Man. I love this part of It's A Wonderful Life. George Bailey goes nuts on Uncle Billy and pulls him up by his jacket collar to yell at him, then he just flipped out on his kids, threw a bunch of stuff around in their living room and the youngest one is crying at the piano. I have closed captioning on which made it even better:

Oh daddy. ... [sobbing]

Sorry about that. Anyways, as I was saying, 2011 was a lot of fun. I didn't have to get any more gallbladders taken out, there were no major car accidents, we moved into a new place, lost some weight, gained a little back over these past two weeks, got some really cool Christmas presents, spent some quality time with old friends when I could, found an ice cream fudge bar that I like, sold a ton of stuff on eBay for decent money, destroyed friends and family on WordsWithFriends, ate some zucchini, flew to Albuquerque, renewed my license, broke away from Facebook, and last month I finally completed Fallout: New Vegas.

Here's to a all of you having a great holiday. 'Til next time.

Pink Elephants On Parade

2011-11-15T22:31:00.001-08:00

That fuzzy piece of evidence was snapped in a hurry as the drunk driver of an SUV was being handcuffed and taken away for smashing into three parked cars just outside our complex. Watching the aftermath made me feel lucky for avoiding that kind of drama a few years ago when I'd take my chances at the wheel before sobering up. Either way, here's a list of things you or your party probably shouldn't do or say when being busted for a D.U.I.:

Don't Try To Reason With The Sober: My fiancee called the police moments after the crash. While waiting for the cops to come, the driver's man (aka wannabe Pitbull) tried to reason with the damaged property's owners. Yo man I promise yo we gonna take care of it, naw I'm sayin'.... When on earth has that ever worked? Besides, I just signed up with Allstate and they won't give you a dime unless you have a police report.
Don't Try To Be Smart: Your girl is wasted, she fucked up, take it like a champ. Don't tell the cops what to do especially if you're just as buzzed. Relax and quit whining.
Now Is Not The Time To Try Being Tough: "Who is your supervisor? I want to speak to your supervisor!". Wow. Do you really think that's going to stop your heina from being arrested? Not to mention the fact that when the supervisor arrives you cower in fear and pretended like you didn't say anything.
Don't Make Jokes About The Police When They Can Clearly Hear What You Are Saying Over There: How do you not know about this rule?
Don't Talk Any More: After you've thrown your tantrum, tried to reason with the police or the other parties, just shut the hell up. This guy was walking around the street trying to tell everyone to go back in their homes and mind their own business. He resorted to calling the neighborhood "janky". Reality check: You're only drunk; you didn't get in a time machine to 1978 when people last used that word.

Apartment Life: The H.Y.D.T. Update

2011-11-15T21:39:00.000-08:00

If anyone wants a free shirt there's a child's size medium that has been laying in motor oil for a few weeks now and can be yours if you act now. For anyone not interested in this limited time offer please continue reading.

We're going on five months here at the new apartment and there's been loads of new discoveries. For example, it has never been more apparent to us that children act the way that they do because their dumb shit parents allow it. Bang on the walls? Sure. Bang on the front screen? Yep. Bang on the couch and slam the closet doors at random hours? Oh hell yeah. I, like most of you, fight the urge to be that guy. You know, the guy that tells other parents to keep their kids quiet in a movie theater or the one who asks someone else's infant to stop making a mess of the pillow pets at the store. Any of that can open up the flood gates to phrases like "Don't tell me how to raise my kids" and creates confrontation that isn't worth the trouble. In the end, you just have to ignore it the best you can and accept that most young parents are a bunch of lazy inconsiderate assholes.

Another fun surprise has been the cast of characters we didn't expect to meet from living in close quarters. There's the old dude that sometimes shaves outside with a broken mirror and a straight razor that always asks "How Y'all Doin' Today?" even if you're walking alone. "How Y'all Doin' Today?" (or H.Y.D.T. as I like to call it) was asked of me at least three times yesterday, a new record. Carrying laundry to your car? How Y'all Doin' Today. Running late for work? How Y'all Doin' Today. It's H.Y.D.T. 24/7, 365. My favorite moment occurred just recently when the H.Y.D.T. man asked if my employer was hiring for the season. That conversation went about as awkward as you'd think. Some other characters include the asshole who drives the Honda and thinks the parking garage is a NASCAR track, the middle aged lesbian who thinks the doorway to the apartment is the set of LifeChangers with Dr. Drew, and the idiot female driver who can never, ever seem to park between the lines of her parking space.

That's all for now. Stay tuned for the next apartment life update. Until then, ask yourself: How Y'all Doin' Today?

Pink's On A Wednesday Night At 7:38pm

2011-11-11T00:46:00.000-08:00

I'm on pace to work six days this week so the Mrs. and I spent my only day off heading north to visit The Grove, Farmer's Market, and finally to Pink's. Normally this visit would also include a trip to Amoeba Music, but I still haven't listened to all the new music I bought from the last time we went and that was over a year ago I think.

Two years ago I wrote about traveling to Pink's alone (bew hew) and ordering the fattiest thing they had. I just re-read that blog and it made me glad that I don't live around the block from this place. It's not hard to picture me wolfing down chili dogs on a routine basis and besides it would take away some of the fun of coming here and making it an event.

Wednesday night there were two people in line and they had just gotten done ordering as we arrived. This was the first time I'd ever seen no line at this place so like a dorky tourist I snapped a picture and sent it to Ripley's. Not really, but you get the idea.

And so my November blogging hiatus is over. Expect at least another ten blogs before the month is over. Shalom.

Remember, Remember the 25th of November

2011-11-02T12:56:00.000-07:00

The 25th of November bring a Friday that's black

A Friday in which I wish I could turn time back

People line up in droves to buy useless things

New employees not knowing what black Friday brings,

A Friday where people wait in line about 3 days ahead

The smells so repulsive, they stink worse than the dead

Missing Thanksgiving dinner thinking they'll get a steal

But how is saving 20 dollars on a piece of shit dynex a deal?

Sure store had bargains but that was a long time ago

Now retailers push out crap to customers because "What do they know?"

God forbid you get the last laptop deal and want to take it to your place

Because now you gotta look out for the black guy trying to punch you in the face,

This 25th of November take notice to what I said

The best way to spend black Friday is at home in your bed

I know this time last year this blog was filled with the same rants

But Im just trying to spare everyone a day standing behind someone who just shit there pants.

me > Russell Simmons' def poetry jam
-Lozano out

World Series Game 2 - Live Blogging the 9th

2011-10-20T19:54:00.001-07:00

@7:51pm - Top of the 9th inning, Game 2 is tied with one out. Commercial for Tower Heist almost made me throw up the Fiber One cereal I've been eating without milk.

@7:57pm - Sac fly by Michael Young, Texas takes the lead. No matter how hard I try to pretend these Fiber One cereal pieces are still not Dorritos.

@7:59pm - Another commercial break. That Pepsi commercial montage of all the past music icons that have endorsed their fizz falls flat. Just show the Ray Charles ad in its entirety for the right one, baby.

@8:02pm - Texas, with a 2-1 lead in the bottom of the 9th, gives up a lead off walk. That's the equivalent of Mario sales leading without a clipboard, Abel picking a dot-com order before checking RSS, David drawing the Joker in complete ink before using pencil, Daniel pouring a bowl of Frankenberry before checking to see if there's milk, or me buying a tie at Ross when the Wednesday shipment hasn't even arrived. There are some things you just don't do.

@8:11pm - Furcal popped out to right to end the inning, series tied at 1 game a piece.

Fox's coverage gets progressively worse each year. I'm tired of the fan close-ups. Stop interrupting the game with shots of moms biting the cuffs of their sweaters and old dudes with a gleam in their eye. Let the drama evolve organically and quit showing us how tight each fan is holding their ass in anticipation for the next pitch. Enough!

APT FOR RENT

2011-10-20T19:03:00.000-07:00

OUTDOOR APT FOR RENT (SPACIOUS) - One bed, slightly used, plenty of room. Patron must enjoy being in public eye. Restroom/shower not provided, must improvise. All pets, bugs, living creatures accepted. NOTE: No enclosed walls. $500 Deposit required.

That's the second mattress to block the drive way to our complex since we got settled in July. I saw it there earlier in the day, ran some errands, and when I came back it was still lying there. As with the first mattress I took it upon myself (ew, I touched it) to move it off to the side so it wouldn't ruin anyone's dubs.

What allows a person to think that leaving a used mattress curbside for an entire day is acceptable? Most garbage trucks will ignore it and there's nobody I can think of that has bragged about scoring a used mattress for nada. Why not donate it, recycle it, or use your Boost Mobile minutes and call the city removal to come pick it up. I'll give you a pass if you live in a residential area and have your own front lawn. You obviously have the space and aren't intruding on anyone else. But on a street filled with apartment complexes you've got to know better.

Spark

2011-10-20T03:20:00.000-07:00

I can't remember which tumblr. blog I stole this from, but I definitely need it. For some reason it reminds me of the fire you could throw in the original Zelda.

Speaking of tumblr., I'm loving the short-form blogging (or micro-blogging) of pictures, quotes, and various other things. I downloaded the tumblr. application to my phone and I'm still not sure how to navigate through it yet. Either way I'm compiling a short list of of what I consider the most interesting tumblr. accounts so look for that over the next few days. Until then, work on getting me that lamp.

Always Reading LA Weekly

2011-10-20T01:33:00.000-07:00

Ten years ago I took the back page of a 2001 LA Weekly and taped it to the wall in my bedroom. It sat on my wall for a good number of years, next to all the other artist and musician posters I'd collected over a year or two. The entire page was dedicated to promoting the soon-to-be open Amoeba Music in Hollywood. There were countless articles written prior to their opening that made me so excited to be a part of something so big. I was living in a city that would have one of the biggest record stores in the U.S.

From sixteen and on I used the LA Weekly as a guide to all things music related. It was how I found out about upcoming gigs, rising artists, album reviews, interviews, and all the different venues surrounding Los Angeles. I visited the Knitting Factory, House of Blues, Glass House, you name it- all thanks to the Weekly.

My mom turns sixty this year. For as long as I can remember, she would bring me home copies of the LA Weekly every week and give me insight on some of the articles she had already finished reading while waiting for the bus in Downtown L.A.. I was always surprised she was reading that kind of newspaper. I know the Weekly can sometimes skew to the left politically and that they write about provocative topics you'd never read in the L.A. Times, but I was mostly caught off guard because I always wondered if she knew about the sleazy porn ads in the back. I guess it's safe to assume she knew and even funnier to consider that those ads never bothered her. Still though, they were and still are really sleazy.

We had a family dinner three nights ago. The guest list included myself, my better half, my mom, and my sister. The bride-to-be was in the kitchen putting together two freshly made pizzas with pineapple, ham, and peperoncini slices while I threw my shoes on to switch cars in front so they'd have a place to park. We get back to our apartment and my mom is loaded with two bags filled with all the food we've tried to stop eating (Candy!!) and before they settle in or get to work on the salads I noticed that my mom, just like all the years before, made sure to snag an LA Weekly from her office for me to read.

Listed below are a few articles I stumbled upon from this week's update. Read on:

Frivolous Lawsuit: Some idiot is suing the guys behind The Hangover II claiming the events happened to him in real life and that they stole his story.
Uhhhh: A cop tweeted a picture of a dead body in Watts and it's getting a lot of attention.
Blue It Up: More details on the McCourt/Dodgers saga.
That's Your Opinion: They've been counting down the top LA rap albums of all time. See how many you have in your collection.
Nintendo: There's a cutting board that looks like a NES controller. *Want*

It's 3:09am so I'm calling it quits until tomorrow. Buenas noches.

#MapleThief

2011-10-12T14:38:00.000-07:00

The last 24 hours have been eventful. I threw up a large cup of coffee, my car battery died and left me stranded in BroVille (Fullerton, CA), my car alarm went bonkers, and today I was awarded with the joys of credit card fraud.

Some hoser, or hosette, was using my card number to buy gas from ExxonMobil, 76, and some place called Von's Fuel all located in Ontario Canada.

There's not much you can do about this kind of situation other than make a million phone calls and wait two months for everything to clear. Calling Wells Fargo to report this kind of fraud and cancel your card is a forty-five minute extravaganza filled with these kinds of questions and responses:

Did you authorize any of these disputed charges?: What?- Authorize what? Did I authorize the charges I'm disputing? No, that's why I'm calling.
Have you been to Canada recently?: No. I just made a purchase in Bellflower, CA.
Have you been to Ontario recently?: No.
Have you been to Ontario, California recently?: What? No.
Have you ever given your card to someone else?: Never.
Do you have your PIN number written on your card?: No.

At one point they ask if you've filed a police report which confused the hell out of me. They recommended I file a report but the police can't do anything if 1.) the charges won't go through for 3-5 days, 2.) the fraud happens outside the U.S., and 3.) your bank hasn't sent you that nineteen page claims form to fill out and process over two months. I didn't find all that out until Officer Joseph arrived to my apartment complex and chuckled at what I told him Wells Fargo told me to do.

As it stands now my debit card is dead and I'm using other methods of payment until this works itself out. Until then check your account daily, minimize online shopping, and don't visit Canada until those puck chucking syrup slugs repay my losses. Eh!

Four Points

2011-10-12T14:02:00.000-07:00

That is a turkey burger with romaine lettuce used as buns. Yes, it's come to that.

For those who were unaware, I asked my girlfriend of two years to marry me last Friday. With about a year away from the wedding date we decided that this is a good time to focus on eating right and decrease the amount of times I've passed out wheezing walking up a flight of stairs.

She enrolled in Weight Watchers which gives you a daily food allotment and awards points for the foods you eat. I'm following along best I can to support healthier habits so that turkey burger up there costs 4 points, about 13% of what we're allowed to eat the entire day. To put that in perspective: a Double-Double is 15 points.

I'll miss you, In-N-Out.

Food Trucked

2011-10-05T23:48:00.000-07:00

Years of being ignored by customers seeking decent, edible meals has led the Sizz' to bring their crappy sliders and mozzarella sticks to your neighborhood parking lot.

In case you missed it, Sizzler and Jack In The Box are the first of the fast food giants to hop on the food truck trend.

Nobody is going to follow either of those trucks on twitter. There's no fun in tracking down a truck that serves food you can usually find within a five mile radius. Jack's stuffed jalapenos are amazing but I can get them any time. Nom Nom and Grill 'Em All are specialties, they offer variety, innovation, and most of all something that tastes better than most things on the menu at either of those generic mobile restaurants.

Not all food trucks are honest or exquisite. For every Frysmith there's a local truck that lost their hot spot to a bunch of twenty-somethings who bought some neon paint and drew a cute logo. The worst food trucks are the ones that added a mandarin orange to a pork taco and charge $8 for the foreign flavor.

But really, most of the trucks I've tried have been reasonably priced and offer comfort food from all cultures. Tracking the best ones down is all part of the fun. Word of mouth and social media bring excitement to your gluttonous journey, something you won't get from a Sizzler on wheels.

Sale On Chorizo

2011-10-05T22:57:00.000-07:00

This little fella is on sale during the Brewers playoff run for only $12.97. If they make it to the World Series and win I promise to buy it for one lucky IEC reader or contributor. Details to come later.

Free Tires (Maybe)

2011-10-05T07:56:00.000-07:00

Snapped this pic yesterday where the 605 meets the 91. There's nothing holding those tires in other than the four poles on each corner and at the top.

That Wasn't Sugar

2011-10-01T22:13:00.000-07:00

I found this gem of a story via LAWeekly.com:

Parents, try to keep your babies away from your coke stash. Even though that's a fairly commonsense guideline, a mom and dad (along with mommy's bro) were arrested in Atascadero north of L.A. this week after their 18-month-old went Lohan on their cocaine, at least according to what local cops alleged to the Weekly. Paramedics were called, and seeing as all is not right with the world when a year-and-half-old baby boy has to be treated for yay-yo ingestion, decided it might be prudent to let their police friends in on the fun.

Amazing. In addition to not leaving coke out for baby Huey to digest, here's a few more things the parents of 2011 need to get right:

Stop bringing junior to the movies. You gave up the right to have a good time at the cineplex when you made that extra DNA.
Retail locations and malls are not day cares. It's not okay for you to let your youngin' park in front of a television while you pick out a mouse pad.
If you don't look where you're going with that stroller I'm going to make sure that your infant experiences what an amateur UFC fight feels like as we both tumble to the ground, limbs flailing.
We once saw a baby crawling into the street in Norwalk, CA. I havn't seen this happen since then so keep doing that whole thing where you watch your child at all times. It's working.

October is here and I'm setting a goal of at least one blog per day for the entire month. This time it's quantity over quality to keep me in line so stay tuned...

The Race Is On

2011-09-30T23:46:00.000-07:00

Oh, Sausagegate. The year was 2003 and I was watching Conan the night Randall Simon of the Pirates slammed his bat on the Italian Sausage (see video above). He played the clip a few times noting that the other two sausages briefly stop to look back and then continue on to finish the race. I couldn't stop laughing then and I still find it incredibly funny eight years later. She was okay, obviously, and didn't suffer any permanent damage.

The 2011 MLB Playoffs started tonight and although I won't be able to watch any game in its entirety I'll be following it closely on my phone. I think a Brewers/Rays World Series would be entertaining, but I have no vested interest in any single team winning it all. If anything jumps out at me during the playoffs you'll see it here, otherwise let's have a great October and go Dodgers.

Don't Stop Blogievin'

2011-09-28T20:27:00.000-07:00

I'd like to dedicate this to Michael "Journey" [edited bleep], the buyback king of Cerritos .Sorry for the lack of updates but I've been busy carrying out tv's and doing cart runs. There isn't a general topic I'd like to focus on this week so I'm just going to blurt out a bunch of random crap that's chapping my ass.

I hate it when I'm driving and the dumbshit in the lane next to you assumes you have to let them merge just because they're using the turn signal. Ive got somewhere I need to be as well dipshit, back of the line.

Why do people in SUV's and big ass trucks feel the need to drive over speed bumps like a bunch of bitches. You just paid 50,000 for that thing I'm sure it's equipped with a proper suspension. For the love of christ, stop driving over those things like you're sitting on a big black dildo.

I wish stupid hipster "guys" would stop wearing skinny jeans and toms. Have some god damn self respect and stop wearing leggings and flats like some stupid indie bitch and man up.

Fuck snap back caps. I can't stand seeing a bunch of punks who have never played or pay any attention to sports wearing a L.A. Kings cap because they think the colors look fresh.

And finally, People need to stop denying the homeless spare change because they feel the homeless are just going to use it to buy alcohol. Really? What the fuck are the supposed to spent it on? An escalade? A day at the spa? Of course its going to be spent on alcohol, they live in the street and poo behind dumpsters. Anyone who says it should be spent on food is full of shit. Theres nobody on this universe that wants to walk into a carl's jr and have homeless bob, who smells like someone shit in a dumpster and set it on fire, in front of them, and you sure as shit don't want him at the table next to you eyeballing your milkshake. Instead the homeless decide to dig through trash cans for food because even they're smart enough to know that its a lot easier to find chicken nuggets in the trash than it is to find a bottle of vodka or some crack. Maybe next time a homeless person decides to ask you for change you'll get off your moral high horse and give it to them for having to decency to not eat around you and get a 32 oz king cobra instead.

That's all for now, remember kids start saving up those pennies for black friday.

-Lozano out

CODE ONE: A Brief Look At Retail

2011-09-28T19:50:00.000-07:00

[Editor's Note: Welcome Veronica, a brand new IEC guest blogger and my partner in crime (that's the cutesy way of saying we're in a relationship). Below is her first article about working in retail. Enjoy!]

CODE ONE

For those of you who have never had a job in retail, consider yourself lucky. The few of you that have or are currently putting yourselves through the stress and pain let’s talk about what our work week looks like.

Customers: Most of them are nice and courteous until they don’t get their way. I once helped a lady who made me price match Vitamin Water. I understand times are tough but I seriously gave her twenty or thirty cents back. It was ridiculous! The second person I helped was pretty recent, this woman was angry that she was at the store so late at night. It was almost an hour after closing and she’s pissed off at me and telling me to hurry because she has to be somewhere. This comment blew my mind since I have a home I wanted to get to but couldn’t since this dumb slut wants to buy something really expensive five minutes before we close. There’s a process you stupid cow! There are far too many stories like these or worse from some of my co-workers.

Policy: From day one we are taught to follow the rules and the policy. The policy is there for a reason, or so I’m told. I am aware of the few times that we are able to make exceptions but some things I’ve seen are beyond questionable. We have a thirty day return policy that we have to follow so I’m not sure how a woman who bought a product five months ago is able to return it for cash. Even after speaking to my direct manager she went to the general manager. It was his decision to make this exception. This same guy also had me exchange a handheld game system that wasn’t even purchased at our store. This was surreal to me. If I would’ve known that the policy was more or less like an outline then I could have saved myself from a few headaches.

Hours: Lately the hours for the store are pretty bad. Less money in the budget mean less people on the sales floor or gaps between coverage which translates to unhappy customers. So they leave. We can’t hit budget if no one is there to buy. Besides this whole mess no one tells us if our schedule is changed. There is or was a rule somewhere they have to tell us twenty-four hours before a shift change. This almost never happens. Hours get cut or shifts completely taken off and there’s not a single word. To top it all off the website we have to check our hours is currently down, and has been for the past two weeks or so. You’ve really got to love technology.

Even if you were to ignore everything I’ve just said you would still have to worry about high school. What I mean is that some people will never mature or just grow up and respect others. As if all that wasn’t enough, you have to deal with fellow employees who treat the work place like a playground. Unnecessary drama complicates the work space and makes surviving a retail day more difficult than it should be. I’ll have to dedicate another entry to work place drama so I’ll see you all next time and wish you good luck in retail wonderland.

- Vero

Hulu Plus Review

2011-09-28T14:23:00.000-07:00

Twenty-four hours into my Hulu Plus experience and I've got some thoughts about this $7.99 service.

Having every season of Saturday Night Live at the click of a button is priceless and worth the fee all by itself. I've already skipped around to some of my favorite episodes and sketches including the Garth Brooks episode where Will Ferrell plays the devil (Fred's Slacks is a winner!). I've already added a whole list of other seasons to the que which makes my old VHS recordings obsolete. Keep in mind that Hulu is a joint venture of FOX, NBC, and ABC so for Hulu to make sense for anyone you'll have to be a dedicated fan of at least one show from one of those networks and not own a DVR. I don't have cable or a DVR so being able to watch The Office, Parks & Recreation, Community, The Daily Show, The Colbert Report, and Saturday Night Live at my leisure is convenient times a thousand. I've yet to explore the full length movie options so I guess this isn't a complete review of Hulu Plus but I noticed that the first twelve features in Most Popular Movies included only one title that I recognized: Super Size Me.

There are only two complaints I have thus far: commercials and content overlapping. Commercials for a paid service will take some getting used to thanks to Netflix. And speaking of the big N, a lot of people want to know if Hulu Plus is worth it if you already have Netflix. It all depends on what you watch or how much you're spending now. Spending $16 on both paid services is still only 25% of what I used to pay for DirecTV without HD or a DVR. That said, if you've had Netflix for over a year then you may have already watched some of your favorite TV shows which is a drag. Netflix has Parks & Recreation through season 2 and Hulu has all seasons and the new episodes. Netflix has every season of Buffy The Vampire Slayer and X-Files, but so does Hulu. Content overlapping won't justify spending $8 so if you're not dedicated to any new show from those big three networks then you should skip Hulu Plus for now. Also, when I tried to watch The Simpsons via Hulu on XBOX I was pissed. Not only does it have an "Online Only" disclaimer but the disclaimer is even more misleading because when you go online they don't have all the seasons uploaded like you would expect.

Kinks aside, I love Hulu Plus. There are so many hours of new programming that I can't miss and old favorites that I want to revisit. I'd recommend it to anyone who lives cable-free and has a remote interest in any new television show from those three networks.

The Top 7 Things I've Learned About Apartment Life

2011-09-01T21:38:00.001-07:00

We're back. Sort of. Maybe.

Look, we all know how this works. Going on extended hiatus is a tradition here at Infinite Et Cetera and it's one that we intend to continue throughout the years. Loyal IEC observer Mario inspired (threatened) me to update this place with some new content so for the next 500 words I'll offer the top 5 things I've learned about apartment life over the past two months.

People are Loud & Obnoxious: Open your windows and doors to let that summer breeze in and be treated to the sounds of a mother yelling at her children because she doesn't have the corn dogs they've been begging for. They eventually decided on pizza, but the worse part about living in an apartment complex is being so closely packed in with people who can't speak at a normal decibel level. Every cell phone conversation is held just outside of each tenant's door for that extra signal bar. God help you if there's a pool on the premises when school's not in session.
Avoiding Small Talk Is A Challenge: Coming face to face with the people mentioned above can be a tricky thing. You don't want to be a dick but most of these people use the complex as a public forum for their private life and frankly you've heard enough. In short: you need to keep your cell phone handy and hope you got mail. Nothing beats a fake cell phone conversation about a car repair or surprise BBQ for your cousin. Be careful though because you'll need to switch it up if people get wise to you. I've found that shuffling through the PennySaver as you walk towards your apartment gives the impression that you're occupied and can get by with a simple "Hey" or "How are you".
Everyone Has A Learner's Permit: There are two white lines that help guide you into each parking space. These lines do not represent a suggestion. They are painted evenly for each car and each car is meant to fit within each set of lines. When you sign the renter's agreement you are signing for parking space number 1, not number 1 and a half. Get your shit together.
Poorly Installed Car Alarms Are The Devil: If you drive down our street and go above 30mph, you will set off car alarms. If you sneeze without warning or drop a fork on the floor, you will set off car alarms. If a bird chirps, you inhale, or a strand of grass sprouts from the ground, you will set off car alarms on our block.
Carrying Groceries Up A Flight Of Stairs Hurts My Back: It really does.
Hazard Light Abuse: When we were moving in we tried our best to do it discreetly. At non-peek hours of a weekday we brought in a couch, bed, table, and some cabinets. Little by little, box by box, we brought in all our stuff without trying to inconvenience anyone for too long. Sure, we parked in front of the complex with our hazards on for up to maybe 10 or 15 minutes. But we were moving in. I understand that when you live on a street with multiple complexes that this may occur more often than usual but we need to draw the line some place. People moving in, you are allowed to hazard it up for a reasonable amount of time. People picking up your kids, bringing in groceries, chatting it up with your drug dealer, or waiting for a friend do not have my blessing.
Beware of Landlords: In our search for shelter we met some great characters along the way but none ended up being as scatterbrained as our current landlady, Sandra. Sandra seemed overly nice at first, comforting us with her promises of no bugs and not allowing loitering on the front lawn. While she means well most of the time she is incredibly inconsistent and forgetful. Someone spray painted the front of the complex and she removed it within hours, but when I reminded her that our sink was leaking and made an appointment for the repairmen to come over she spaced out and lied about not having her phone to receive my inquiries. She can be the cheerful grandmother or the meth addict waiting for her next fix, it really is a toss up.

Moving, Sooner Than Later

2011-06-24T01:03:00.001-07:00

It's happening pretty quickly, but we just put a $500 deposit down on an apartment and on July 1st it will officially be ours. The next two or three weeks will be hectic and I'm unsure if we'll have the internet so it might be some time before you see an update here. As of now I'm currently writing and posting this from my phone.

When I do get the internet expect a fairly thorough blog about helpful tips when looking for an apartment. Things like having credit, $500, and a savings account will go a long way. Also, we didn't jump the gun when looking around and were treated to numerous shitholes. Seeing bugs, moving and completely alive bugs in a bathtub, is a definite sign to keep looking. Anyways, more on that experience another day.

I'm working over the next 5 days, then I go back to Del Mar for another meeting, then we get the place officially on the 1st. Until next time this is your IEC host signing off.

- Mike O.

Turn-back Tuesday: Weird Al, His New Single, and Why I'm 5 Years Behind

2011-06-21T12:42:00.000-07:00

[Note: Turn-back Tuesday has nothing to do with the failed and seldom updated postings previously known as Memory Lane Monday. That feature was horrible and this one is at least six times better.]

Coolio is an asshole. Years ago I was listening to Love Line and a caller asked him why he was upset about Weird Al's parody of Gangsta's Paradise. The caller asked why Weird Al had to get Coolio's permission and not Stevie Wonder's since Wonder owned the rights to the original Pastime Paradise which Coolio sampled. Coolio exploded. I can't remember any exact quotes but it went something like "I don't want to go there or get into that, next caller yo".

It wasn't until 2006 (five years ago) that the mighty C embraced the song and hugged it out with Al at the Consumer Electronics show. That picture (courtesy of rosiedemario.blogspot.com) just made my day. Shame on all of you for not letting me know this happened and for making me waste five extra years hating the dread-locked wonder.

All of this came about because Weird Al was trending on Yahoo! and Twitter. Worried, I hopped over to his Wikipedia to make sure everything was alright. That led to me finding the picture above as well as a link to his new Lady Gaga parody video, Perform This Way.

There's not much to say that you don't already know about Weird Al's music. He's the best at what he does and at 51 he still makes it look easy. The truth about parodies is that for every Naked Gun there's Scary Movie, for every Spaceballs there's Vampires Suck. Clever funny vs. stupid, mundane funny. Yankovic works hard at his craft so that something as silly as Fat and Smells Like Nirvana are as memorable as they are. Daniel (IEC Contributor) pointed out to me years ago that Don McLean, famous for his song American Pie, came close to singing Weird Al's Star Wars themed parody (The Saga Begins) at live shows because he was so happy with Al's work and his kids played the song nonstop. Al's ability to keep musicians humble and not take themselves so seriously will be his legacy once everything is said and done. My favorite line from Perform This Way is when he reveals, from Gaga's perspective, "No reason I should regret / All the attention I get / I'm not completely crazy / I perform this way". And while the entire song and video doesn't have the same replay value for me as White & Nerdy or Gangsta's Paradise, it provides a great laugh throughout and that's all that matters. You listen to Weird Al expecting to laugh and he still makes it happen 28 years after his first studio album.

UFZ: He's the Got No Green Lantern

2011-06-16T00:33:00.000-07:00

Hype, it's the single greatest force in the universe, even more so than the willpower of Green Lantern Hal Jordan. Hype has the power to crush dreams or make days, it can pick us up when there's nothing left to look forward to or it can kick us in the metaphorical testicles.

For months this movie was built up as Star Wars for a new generation, I hate that statement. Star Wars is Star Wars, it has it's own place ( no where near and dear to my heart mind you). Green Lantern is an awesome story, rich in it's own mythology and at it's core all good Green Lantern stories are about overcoming fear and that's something we can all relate to. There's more than enough good material to tell a Green Lantern story and get people hooked without comparing it to anything.

Everyone that said this movie looks terrible can bite me, it's certainly not a revolutionary look but the look being translated to the big screen certainly was uncanny. The look of the movie is not an issue. Ryan Reynolds was great as Hal Jordan and that's who he's suppose to be the entire time. Green Lantern doesn't take on a different persona like Christian Bale in the bat suit nor should he. The breakaway performance was Mark Strong as Sinestro, he nailed the dictator like composure of the character.

The adapted for mass audience story in Green Lantern never really hits that emotional connection that the comics have. While it's probably not the worst story that could have been told on screen, you can tell this movie was not made for a comic audience, it's meant more to be a family adventure. I doubt DC will get any new readers based on this movie.

I would have liked to have seen Sinestro begin to make his transition to Hal Jordan's nemesis and possibly introduce the idea of the yellow lanterns. If there is another movie, I opt to replace director Martin Campbell, "Quantum of Solace" was a piece of crap but I gave him the benefit to the doubt. I wish he would stick to making independent films about gay cowboys eating pudding. He just seemed to not pick the right moments in this movie, I could draw better angles than he picked for some shots.

So far my favorite of the summer movies is X-Men, I have high hopes for Horrible Bosses. Green Lantern is a good movie but it's just not the emotionally gripping books brought to life. Warner Bros, DC comics and Green Lantern scribe Geoff Johns (who we all trusted because there are very few better writers in comics, I can only think of one) promised the world something epic and hopefully next time they'll realize you don't have to make something for everyone to be a success coughdarkknightcough.

I enjoyed this as much as I enjoyed Super 8, so 3 out of 5.

now to go see the angry lemons

- David N.

X-Men: First Class Review

2011-06-14T20:45:00.000-07:00

Kick-Ass is one of my favorite superhero movies of all time and up until about ten minutes ago I didn't know that the same director, Matthew Vaughn, also did X-Men: First Class.

Makes sense. Much like Kick-Ass, X-Men: First Class moves along quickly and makes 131 minutes feel more like 90. Most of the story takes place in 1960s New York where Professor X and Magneto start off as friends who take on Sebastian Shaw, a powerful mutant determined to start World War III. Both realizing they can't fight him and his cohorts alone, they begin recruiting other mutants that eventually help make up the first class. A few training montages later they all take on Shaw and as time progresses Professor X and Magneto grow further and further apart. Michael Fassbender steals the show as he nails every moment of Magneto's transformation from face to heel and is the reason why so many of us can't wait to see how the series develops. Like many tragic figures, we don't excuse his evil bidding because of his past but we can understand the choices he makes. Other than the outstanding villains and brisk pace of the plot, the movie is supported by a great cast, musical score, and well rounded production. Anybody familiar with X-Men will have a thoroughly good time watching this movie.

That said, there are a few things holding it back from what I'd consider to be a cinematic masterpiece like The Dark Knight. There are more than a few out of place one-liners about being different, especially in the early exchanges with Raven and Charles. Also, there are way too many of those cliche "be yourself" moments between Beast and Mystique that just get tired. By far the worst scene comes midway through the movie when the entire group of new recruits is having a coming-of-age like celebration, all showcasing their unique abilities in after-school like fashion. (We're all different! Wait a minute- We're all the same, because we're all different! OMG LOLZ LETS PARTY!!@!). I hated that scene.

My girlfriend's brother-in-law had a complaint, he said something about Havok not being around before Cyclops or something nerdy like that. It doesn't really matter because the movie is good and stands on its own. Most superhero movies will never be completely consistent with the comic book and few people are going to notice little things like that. I'm hardly the authority so if you know what inconsistency Marvin was talking about please post it (if worthy of posting) in the comments section.

Overall Rating: See it. B+ (It was a borderline A- but I just can't get over much of the tired teen talk.)

- Mike O.

Special Guest Blogger Scottie Pippen

2011-06-12T00:52:00.000-07:00

Long overdue, the truth according to Scottie Pippen:

- Alonzo Mourning was a better all-around player than Kareem

- RC Cola is superior to Coca-Cola

- George Clooney was the best Batman

- Madonna couldn't hold Lady Gaga's junk

- "Mobsters" was just a way better movie than "Goodfellas"

- Aqua Man would not be a phenomenal water polo player

- Something said in Spanish is inherently not funnier than something said in English

- "Ernest Goes to Jail" was more realistic than "Ernest Goes to Camp"

-Snooki's book is a better read than "Othello"

- Chex is inferior to Crispy Hexagons

- Some day the number of Hot dogs you can buy will be equal to the number of hot dog buns available for purchase

- David N.

Future Freeway Debris

2011-06-12T00:25:00.000-07:00

Please excuse my use of a cell phone while driving. It took less than three seconds to snap that picture of an unfastened couch hanging out the back of a pick-up truck cruising at 80 miles an hour down the 710. Can't wait to find a sofa cushion stuck under my left axle.

UFZ: Super 8 - Neither a Hotel Chain Nor a Type of Film Endorsed by Bill Cosby

2011-06-08T13:49:00.000-07:00

Have you ever had a dream that made you not want to sleep, because of the possibility of reliving it?

This was the feeling I had before tonights preview screening of J.J Abrams newest film "Super 8". See I hated his previous original film "Cloverfield", almost as much as I hate Best Buy; both only seem to serve the purpose of wasting two hours of your life and giving you motion sickness. I'm sure I was the least excited person in line to see this new movie, in a way it makes me the perfect person to review it for you and help decide if it's worth your hard earned $11.

Just a word of warning, while I will try not to include spoilers, I can't review this movie without giving away some plot; but don't worry the good stuff will all be new to you.

To put people in the seats, Super 8 sells it self as a monster/ suspense movie along the lines of the classic Jaws franchise. Thankfully, there are several good character developing layers to this movie that make it soo much more than just another monster flick. After being witness to a train hijacking, a group of kids trying to make a film to enter in their local film festival are caught in the middle of an intriguing mystery. Sounds simple enough right? It is, but from the opening credit, this movie gives you several questions to answer outside of the monster and how they all tie in together is very intelligent writing. The kids are very compelling characters, and instead of that being a slave to the monster theme, the monster angle only serves to make the other characters the focus of the movie. I love good character driven story telling and this movie was full of it.

Visually the movie did leave something to be desired. While you do see the monster clearly in this movie, you never really get that one epic feeling shot of it. In fact the full reveal of the monster left something to be desired. The train sequence was the awe inspiring sequence of the movie and it did not show the monster once.

Also don't get attached to any black characters you see in the film, they all get killed right after you meet them. You would think this would be a spoiler but trust me, the way these deaths happen, you can't be prepared for them even if I gave you the exact times. J.J Abrams apparently hates black people. That's one of the things I didn't understand. The other is why the kids listen to the fattest one instead of giving him to the monster.

Simply to sum it up, the government pumps E.T full of aids and steroids, slaps him around a bit and you have the monster from Super 8. No one hated E.T and you don't hate this monster.

Because I think Cloverfield was the biggest piece of crap ever made, I really wanted to hate this movie. I don't, I bought into this as just another popcorn flick and was treated to a very enthralling story. While I won't buy this movie and watch it over and over, it is a great one time see. That is really the movies only downfall, after the mystery is gone, there isn't much to keep you coming back to it.

I give this a 3 out of 5.

If you see one movie this weekend, make it X-men: First Class. If you see two movies this weekend see Super 8.

- David N.

UFZ: Road to Comic Con

2011-05-30T01:21:00.000-07:00

I should be a hundred times more excited but I'm not. San Diego Comic Con is six weeks away, it's almost time for street re-routing traffic, people who for some reason feel that the need for daily bathing should be put on hold for 4 days, and 3 hour lines to catch a glimpse of Angelina Jolie or other celebrities that have no business being there. That very reason is why I've decided this will be my last SDCC (even if I ever become a pro).

When I was twelve years old , I hitched a ride to my first comic con with my older cousins and some not so savory characters. In those days this show was only about comic books, you didn't have to buy tickets a year in advance and the only fat girls in softball uniforms played for San Diego state. It was back then, comic book companies had the biggest booths and I could see videos of upcoming events set to "For whom the bell tolls." Good free stuff would flow like chocolate from a fountain, and exclusive toys were available to everyone. Professional artist use to love being at the one place where everyone knew who they were and were treated like celebrities. These guys and gals use to drop vacation plans just to be there, today they are just as annoyed as us comic fans. I found out today, one of my favorite artist wasn't going to be there, that was the last straw for yours truly. Yes San Diego once was about comic books, seeing as it will never be that way again it's time to find new shows, however in my sarcastic generosity, I've decided to prepare anyone thinking about going for the first time or people that often go and never learn. My experiences will save you a ton of cash to boot.

First you need to understand the scope of the event, picture the biggest event you've seen in person; the Dodger game at the Coliseum, E3, Laker parade? All these events pale in comparison to what you are about to walk into. Over 200,000 people from all over the world, their are small countries that don't even have that population living there. These rabid fan-people and bandwagoneers gather here and every year that goes by this number will only grow exponentially.

So lets start off, where your thoughts will begin. "If I go there later, there will be fewer people!" NO, this is a misconception based on, your holiday shopping experiences; as the day progresses crowds only get bigger. The only thing that thought will save you is time in the badge pick up line. You should however, not be discouraged by that line if you arrive in the morning; because of the fact that there are almost 100 convention employees specifically assigned to speed this process along, this will be the most painless line during the course of your experience.

Why did I give that part of the tour first? Because that is the thought you will have when you think about preparing for the show. Let's move on to Los Angelinos favorite subject, traffic. No matter how early you think you can leave, you will never beat all of the traffic. The best you can do here is to beat the traffic going to the city. For those dumb enough to think once I get off the freeway my iphone will find a way around, I say this; unless you reach the city by 5am, you will be stuck no matter what. Streets are often blocked to optimize traffic in the city, a GPS is about as good as navigating by the stars at 7am. Getting from the freeway to the convention center is the worst experience a person can have, it can only be compared to delivering a baby through a vagina that only expands to the diameter of a garden hose, while watching a TV stuck on the directv preview channel. How does one get around this? The answer is actually very simple, if you've got an inch of patience and can read a color map, San Diego has one of the best mass transit systems in the world. The trolley runs from 6am to midnight during comic con, making this a great way to avoid the hassle of feeling like you have to leave right after. Last I checked you could ride it all day for a mere five dollars. In my personal experience I've found the stop in the Fashion Valley Mall to be the most convenient. It's location is far enough away from the convention center to give you multiple freeway options for the drive home. You can find all the info here http://www.sdmts.com/Trolley/ComicCon.asp. This is also great for seeing sights like this, I think that's my friend Rhiannon in the far side.

That will also take care of another massive elephant in the room, parking. Parking at the convention center is actually reasonably priced at 12 dollars, however if you don't arrive to the convention center by 6am, chances are there wont be any left. This year people were given the option to prepay for parking but like paying for your college's parking pass, it doesn't mean you wont end up parking in the farthest part of the lot, if your lucky enough to even find a space. There are numerous parking structures around the area and Petco Park, I've been told however that those parking lots can go upwards of $20. If you take the trolley, in some stations you may find free parking, if you take if from a hotel you can park in their lot, usually for a reasonable fee.

Note if you're feeling very adventurous and feel that 50 bucks is worth saving your driving sanity, Amtrak has trains that go from Fullerton to San Diego. I'm not entirely sure how that works, when I looked in to it, round trip just seemed to expensive and I wouldn't want to be left in San Diego without a way to get home. http://tickets.amtrak.com/itd/amtrak#

"So I should get a hotel?" No, unless you've been racking up the unemployment cash like this guy. A hotel is the worst option, the nice hotels around the convention center fill up in March, well before the show. Often times these rooms go for $200 a night, Super 8's and Best Westerns can be found in the out skirts about 10 minutes down the freeway. My first year coming back to Comic Con, I stayed at a Super 8 in San Yisidro just 5 minutes from the US/ Tijuana border. This was bad, and your hearing this from a guy (who thanks to Best Buy) stayed at a hotel in Seattle once, where people slept in the hallway waiting for the person they were going to buy drugs from. If you're lucky, you can split a nice room amongst a group of four people for about $50 a person.

Normally even on a Saturday when you go to Disneyland, you don't make an itinerary the night before of all the rides you want to get on and at what time you have to get on exactly. This however is not Disneyland, with at least a hundred thousand attendees a day, all going for the few capacity things you are trying to see, planning ahead is a must. There's an unspoken rule that I just came up with ten seconds ago, if you really want something you'll wait 3hrs for it. This includes panels to see upcoming movies, exclusive toys, free stuff and autograph signings. The phrase "cool this ends at this time and we can go to this right after," does not apply. There will be people there who in some cases have camped out the night before, just to be the first to get on the Internet and spoil Robert Downey Jr's appearance for people. Accept that you aren't going to beat these people to anything. Look at the program online, pick what you want to see and at least two back up things. Don't be afraid to sit through things you've never heard of, last year in order to see the Walking Dead, Monica and I sat through Hawaii five-0 (why that was at comic con I do not know), it wasn't the worst experience of my life and it ensured that I would be in the ballroom when the Walking Dead premiere panel came on right after.

"Eating?" The only words of advice on this subject, bring food! Don't be afraid to lug around an entire lunch, food places in and around the convention center are few and far between, unless you really love pretzels and apple juice. There are a few restaurants, but you often times walk 6-10 blocks up the street and face an hour wait sometimes just to sit down. There's not a Mc D's or Burger King anywhere near there. Save your big appetite for after the show and go to this place, http://www.philsbbq.net/ , best BBQ you've ever had. Myself and Man Vs Food can not be wrong about this. If you feel the need to ignore any of this, but don't want to starve to death; the week before the show follow every movie and production studio on twitter. There are hundreds of sub events outside the convention center, that are within walking distance and almost always have free shirts and food for people. It's a great way to eat for free, that won't take up a ton of time from your convention going. Last year's Scott Pilgrim vs the world event was a huge one and Flynn's arcade filled me and my bag with a weeks supply of free coke zero.

One last thing about the show you can not stress enough. WALK EVERYTHING! This is the biggest event of the year and sets up many of the things you will see for the rest of the year. Comic con is how I saw "the Dark Knight" for free a week early and how I made 150 bucks from selling a tron disc (I got for free) to some dork on eBay. This year, I'd be willing to bet if you searched hard enough you will get something cool from the new "Dark Knight Rising" film that you can sell to someone for 100% profit.

Finally the drive home. It's like a giant scale version of a Dodger game, if you leave in the 7th inning you will beat the traffic, but you may miss something awesome. (Well at least in the times when Either was hitting all those walk off HR's) Leave when the exhibit hall closes and you will face a traffic storm that I guarantee you've never encountered. Best option don't take the 5 freeway, second best (excluding Sunday), I did say only the exhibit hall closes at 7pm, stay and enjoy some of the after hours activities at and around the show. There are always free movies screened at the convention center, last year we saw "Batman: Under the Red Hood" a month before it's release. If you've followed the movie companies you can find lots of great free events to see. Best option for avoiding Sunday traffic, don't go to Comic Con on Sunday or if you have to leave by 3pm (unless Danny DeVito is there doing "It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia" Panel, shit is hilarious).

There you have it, hopefully some of this will save you from the horrible side of Woodstock.....errr I mean Comic Con.

- David N.

Life Cycle of the Stupid, Illogical, Terribly Unhappy, Suffering all the Time Employee.

2011-05-29T00:32:00.000-07:00

Feel free to maximize the flow chart above and comment if necessary.

Certain people and events at my place of business recently inspired the creation of this. Things could always be better but every day I make a conscious decision to go to work, do a job, and get paid for doing so. I'm in no way miserable and with the economy the way it is I don't feel I'm underpaid in the least.

If you are so unhappy, underpaid, and unappreciated do something about it.

Dodger Crips

2011-05-25T14:13:00.000-07:00

Since day one of the 2011 baseball season, the Los Angeles Dodgers organization has been a total mess, inside and out. As a lifelong fan of the team, which has turned into a obsession the last seven years of my life, I feel it best to use this forum to speak my mind on some of the events that have occurred these past few months.

It’s definitely well known by now what happened on opening day - a few gang-bangers jumped a middle aged man because he was wearing a San Francisco Giants jersey. Is that all there is to the story? Maybe, maybe not. Is it safe to assume that’s all that happened? That two or so drunk thugs jumped a man, blindsiding him and beating him till he was unconscious, JUST because he was in a San Francisco Giants Jersey? In my opinion, it definitely is. If that sounds ludicrous to you, then you haven’t been to Dodger Stadium nearly as much as me.

Dodger Stadium in the last few years has been neither family friendly, nor safe in any aspect of the word. Since 2004 I have seen countless senseless acts of violence, verbal abuse, or otherwise at the hands of people who simply don’t care about a baseball game. The atmosphere has deteriorated as this type of behavior has been ignored by the organization because the attendance numbers the Dodgers have raked in the last few years are right up there with the Yankees, no complaints when it comes to ticket sales. Because of this, we have people like the accused who are in custody for beating Bryan Stow, who attend games simply to align themselves with a new color. People wearing other jerseys are enemies to them - they are neither men with children, or fans who simply want a Dodger dog and to enjoy a ballgame of their visiting team. The kind of mentality that has sunk in from being a Dodger fan is absolutely repulsive to me. I often read fans suggesting those who dare wear jerseys of other teams get what they deserve, and in the early days of the Bryan Stow case this attitude was definitely prevalent. There simply is no excuse for this type of attitude, especially when it comes to sports teams. In this case, if you suggest that he was asking for it, you fall into the category as the person who thinks; “her skirt is kinda short, so she was probably asking for it” as well. Your psychological issues have nothing to do with a man who was sucker punched and then put into a coma. Even more tired are the Angelinos who like to reference the violence in sports in merely a tradition, that fans at football matches in the UK and beyond nearly kill each other all the time. Who cares? Nothing in this country is as beloved as football is to those fans. Here in the US we have many options, including MLS. No one cares about soccer riots, and just because you watched a DVD on Hooliganism does not mean you can punch a fan because he was minding his own business, wearing a Cincinnati Reds jersey. If you fall in line with this way of thinking, do the real fans a favor - stay home and shut up.

Can a visiting fan provoke another Dodger fan? Sure, but that isn’t the focus here, and I’ve come to realize this is rarely the case. Even if Mr. Stow was the boogey man before this incident, I could never bring myself to hold him responsible since this truly is rarely the case. This is about a Mets fan who is in line for the bathroom at a playoff game, chatting with a Dodger fan behind him, who gets bum rushed and assaulted by some other Dodger “fans” because of his jersey. This is the Giants fan who is with his ten year old kid, getting a beer poured over his head while the kid watches for merely walking through the reserve level. This is another Giants fan walking through the loge level with his hot dog, minding his own business while his team is down to the boys in blue, and gets sucker punched, with an emphasis on the sucker. The other Mets fan beaten in the bathroom during the playoffs, the Reds fan who was showered with peanuts and beer, the Pirates (!) fan who one gangbanger shouted, “F**k your flag”, before pulverizing him. That one still baffles me to this day. The stadium being overrun by cholos, thugs, and just plain meatheads needs to be put to an end, and I hope this is finally on the horizon despite it taking the misfortunes of Bryan Stow to get us there.

Here are the basics: Dodger stadium has not been safe or secure for a while now. The lawsuit announced today by the family of Bryan Stow is in no way unjust, and also would be completely beneficial to the true baseball fans of Los Angeles and around the country who wish to visit our stadium. The stadium is a cathedral. It is gigantic, glowing of perfect green grass and the retro-colored seats, appearing untouched since the day it was built rather than refurbished and well-kept. The retro lights, and the darkness of the parking lot at night, and the inability to reach any officials during or after the game is disturbing, to say the least.

In May 2005, the stadium held the infamous “two dollar Tuesdays”. The result was disastrous. Besides a heap of totally unruly, idiotic fans causing hysteria throughout the game - an incident saw fans littering the outfield grass with hordes of trash after stadium security apprehended an idiot who ran onto the field. It was almost a relief to witness it in person, as I didn’t have to hear the shame in Vin Scully’s voice on television when such a sad, disrespectful act was committed. Along with all the fights that ensued at those games, Frank McCourt knew things had to change. Yadda, yadda, yadda. He hired off duty LAPD officers to roam the grounds full time, and they were permitted to do so in full police uniform. Where did that go, though? That was 6 years ago, it has came and gone, and where are we now? In a massive parking lot that has enough room for massive flea markets, as well as just massive amounts of commercials, where are the security to oversee everything? Where is that revenue going?

Bryan Stow’s family deserves, and needs, to be paid for every last cent that they would ever need. Because of his condition, and the fact that it is still unknown if he will ever wake up, he needs 24 hour care. Think of those medical bills, especially these days - it is truly frightening. He has two children who now may be deprived of a father, because he wanted to watch a baseball game at our stadium. Frank McCourt’s organization allowed this to happen, because violence at the stadium was never an issue until it was on the front page. These thugs were welcomed as they were just mere dollar signs. The organization no longer belongs to Frank McCourt, nor will it ever again. The fans that attend the games should not fear authority or any security, and should not tolerate idiocy. Despite the horrific events that have occurred, the true baseball fans of Los Angeles can take back what is theirs, and will know how to share their stadium.

Otherwise? You can get used to this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r_kRqA5OVjU

Regardless of the financial outcome of the lawsuit, if you have an extra buck or two you can donate to Bryan Stow and his family at http://www.support4bryanstow.com. Be sure to check out the store where you can donate in exchange for a wristband or something else.

-Danny A.

UFZ: Return from Stranger Unemployment checks

2011-05-17T11:47:00.000-07:00

Well here we are with another money saving experience. Yes I brave long two hour waits and douchey people dressed as pirates with jeans to bring you a few thoughts on Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides.

Pirates has officially joined the annoyance level of twilight, never before have I been so disgusted at human beings dressing like pirates this far from Halloween. Your all right up there on the all time assclown list with those fat chicks that wear softball jerseys to comic con as if they would ever make it to first base both physically and figuratively. Sorry for the angry tone, bad weekend for this reporter.

Alright back to business, I will admit to being one of those people who believes the glory days of this franchise has come and gone, namely when the second movie was released. While the character of Captain Jack is enough to win me over on it's own, it's horrendously overshadowed by how much you will hate Penelope Cruz love interest character of Angelica. I didn't buy there being any chemistry between her and Depp. She single handedly set back anyone named Cruz twenty years. How did she even get famous? Geoffrey Rush and Ian McShane turn in solid performances as Barbosa and Blackbeard. While were on the subject, please note that the only cool part of the movie is the mermaid scene. It's also the most racially ignorant scene, only one black mermaid among all the white ones. Where's the racial harmony, no hispanic mermaids? You know they can swim. No Asian mermaids? Were they all busy doing math and playing tennis for their school? Except for the question of how can such a powerful historic relic depend on a few measly rocks? The plot is fun and simple to follow if you need to use the can during the movie.

Stay after the credits if you want to waste more time, there is an after credits moment with Penelope Cruz that doesn't lead to anything interesting. This movie doesn't do anything to move the franchise forward, but it also doesn't stay in the past, almost as if it was just a season premiere of a television show after losing one of it's characters. All in all it's a perfect afternoon wasting action flick, anything full price and you will have the buyers remorse. If you can see it in 3D, do so, this is one of the few rare movies where visuals are noticeably improved.

If you looking for the best in free movie going experiences follow the LA Times Hero complex, unlike campus circle and gofobo the screenings are not shared with other media outlets. This means few seats go to VIP's, plus you get a free large popcorn and soda. So there you have it a so so movie made better with a few free things.

Here's something more enjoyable than Penelope Cruz

- David N.

Stop Believin'

2011-05-10T14:06:00.000-07:00

In about 26 hours I'll be on the road to San Diego, more specifically Del Mar, and as usual it is business related. I'm not sure what to expect traffic wise but I am ready to ingest a weekday morning's worth of carbon dioxide. I consulted Wikipedia for some more information on Del Mar and here are the bullet points:

Population: 4,660. I graduated high school with more people than that.
The rarest pine trees in the United States, known as Torrey Pines, grow here. This might be where they filmed FernGully.
Steve Perry, lead singer of Journey, lives here now. Operation: Stop Believin' commence.
There's some famous race track.

That's it. Sounds like a pretty uneventful two days away from la casa. 'Til next time.

A Letter to Sony

2011-04-28T00:38:00.000-07:00

Dear Sony,

I'd like to thank who ever it was that fell asleep at the wheel in your security department. Your lapse has allowed my irrational fears of identity theft to be materialized. Seventy-seven million people have PlayStation Network accounts linked to a credit card and we're all looking forward to the day when we see unapproved purchases from some of our favorite stores. Hi Capital One, I'm calling to dispute the $300 in Visa Pay-As-You-Go cards that were purchased from a 7-11 in Topeka, Kansas. Thanks to you we're all second guessing that $5.99 purchase of Resident Evil 2. And what a joy it was to spend 45 minutes changing the passwords to all of my online accounts. Most people can't remember what they had for dinner yesterday and now I'm supposed to memorize the answers to all of my new security questions. In what city was I born in? Fuck you, Sony.

Respectfully,

- Mike O.

Blog, Blog, Bloggin' On Heaven's Door

2011-04-22T22:05:00.000-07:00

First off id like to bid farewell to a great man, Jose Andrade. I first met him at best buy almost six years ago, and I got to know him a bit from his time in appliances and being the sales operator. I really wish I would have gotten to know him better, but his surgeries and treatments kept him away from work a bunch. Probably one of the coolest things about Jose was his great musical taste. It would always put a smile on my face when I'd walk over to the managers bridge and Jose would have his ipod hooked up and be listening to Morrissey, but then after like 10 min he'd call me over to the bridge and Jose would be playing "Rumpshaker" by Wreckx-N-Effect and we'd both laugh. The best part about it was that Jose made it like an everyday thing, One minute it was "suede head" then he would call me over and ask me "what do you know about this?" then he would put on "knockin boots" or "poison" and we would both just sit there laughing.

As Mike stated in his previous blog, Little things like complaints about work, customers, school, gas prices, etc, all are nothing compared to what Jose went through. So the next time you think you have problems, just take a breath and realize that it could be so much worse, life is waaaaaay too short.

Sorry if this post is depressing, I wanted to write about Jose then get to the funny stuff, but I don't know, I want this to be all about him.

In closing I'd like to say that the world is really going to miss him and may he put in a good word for us and save us a seat up there.

-Abel

A Whole Lot of Everything. And Diapers.

2011-04-21T00:28:00.000-07:00

No surprises here; losing a loved one is emotionally overwhelming. Writing just a few sentences about it means you have to once again come to terms with their mortality. For some, it's a good way to embrace their memory but as for myself I've never found it therapeutic. In fact, I remember returning to work fairly quickly when my dad passed away some years ago. It was a great distraction and my own way of paying tribute to his work ethic. To me, it meant more to exemplify the man he was since I felt few words would do him justice.

Having lost a great friend recently I'm back to realizing how many things seems so trivial and insignificant in comparison. I also realized how hard it is to stop complaining about the little things because it's human nature.

I was having a conversation with somebody at work. The usual stuff was discussed: making revenue, attaching profitably, supporting growth plans, reading company news, planning vendor trainings, dealing with customer issues. Then all of a sudden I just stopped talking. All these numbers floating through the air felt so trivial. That was the day the news had broke and it just seemed inappropriate to put any ounce of caring into some floating number.

Right now, every little complaint feels so out of place. Traffic, poor cell phone reception, that douche bag writing a check and holding up the line. At some point you have to force yourself to remember that things could be worse.

With that said, this blog wouldn't be in existence if it weren't for a lot of the little things we have problems with. I know and respect the fact that things could be worse, but there has to be some room for a little comic relief in realizing the audacity of our trivial complaints. Which brings me to my main (stupid/irreverent) point: The diaper aisle is a confusing and offensive nightmare.

The Mrs. and I went to Target recently to buy baby clothing for our friend and little did we know how clueless we were. Mistake number one was not knowing that diapers are sized too specifically to be given as a gift, especially if you don't know the weight of the baby involved. If age ain't nothing but a number then why can't Huggies put it on the label? 1 month, 2 month, 3 month, etc;. Instead, I see the number "3" and think it's for three-year olds. Mistake number two was assuming that there was only one kind of diaper. Diapers with better absorbency, diapers with stretchier waistbands and stronger fastening adhesives. I'm literally offended by designer diapers that replicate the look of camouflage or denim. Really? What purpose do they serve if in seconds they go from being a fashion statement to a manure reservoir. It makes no sense. By the way, have you seen diaper prices lately? How the hell do they get away with charging so much for disposable underwear? I'm thinking about buying some Proctor & Gamble stock to get in on this diaper gravy train.

There you have it folks. Stay sane and see you next time.

Nicknamed

2011-04-19T11:57:00.000-07:00

As much as I'd like to provide a more specific date or time, I just can't. My memory is more often than not absent of many key details and there are many who can vouch for that. Knowing my limitations, I can tell you that it was at least a few years ago when I attended over ten local wrestling events at The Allen Theater in South Gate, CA. Attendance varied, anywhere from 80 to 150 people got to see a good live show complete with all the drama and trash talking you'd expect. Some of the best matches involved a wrestler by the name of El Gallinero who wore a luchador mask and performed some insane high flying stunts. His introduction music into the ring was some Spanish house music that I had to have. Some time after, I can't remember how I found it or if Daniel sent it to me, but I found the music video for the song on YouTube. The video is bizarre, entertaining, and probably annoying to those (Veronica) who have been forced to hear the song repeatedly. At some point during a work day in what I think was 2008 I played the video for a friend at work. He laughed, shook his head, and a day later gave me the nickname Gallinero. He called me that at work, at his wedding, and even at the baby shower last year where I shared a beer with him so he wouldn't have to suffer through the event alone.

Rest in peace, Jose Andrade. You will always be remembered.

Chipping Away: Tapatio Flavored Doritos and Burger King Onion Rings

2011-03-29T17:45:00.000-07:00

Daniel's candy review blog will never happen. In contrast, I'm back with my second review of flavored potato chips that will help you make better decisions when you're starved for salty goodness. Welcome to Chipping Away.

Tapatio Doritos: It was inevitable. Flaming Hot Cheetos have been around since at least 1995 and within the past few years we've seen Queso flavored Ruffles, Queso Jalapeno Ruffles, and Flaming Hot Funyuns and Cheeto Puffs. Tapatio flavored chips are the latest from Frito Lay as they continue their dominance in the spicy snack food market. At first bite the chips are more tangy than spicy, much like Snyder's Buffalo Wing flavored pretzel bites. The bag I got was powdered heavily, each chip more dusted in flavor than the last. At bag's end I was surprised that I wasn't in tears which means if you use Tapatio regularly on eggs, potatatoes, and tacos you don't have to worry about burning your mouth. There are no surprises here, it tastes exactly like you'd imagine. I can't see these getting the family sized bag upgrade, but for the $1 snack size they're definitely worth a try.

Taste Summary: Lots of Tapatio flavor, no big surprises, can be pretty spicy for non Tapatio users, best in small doses.
Odds of Heartburn: 15% for Tapatio users, 40% for non users.
Overall Grade: B+

Burger King Onion Rings: Borderline gross. Don't be tempted by the yellow clearance tag for these things at Rite Aid. The original price of $2.29 gets slashed to $1 with your Wellness Rewards Card but you will feel anything but well after eating them. Avoid at all costs. Burger King promises they taste just as good as the fresh ones. Not true. Instead, you get a bunch of puffed up corn meal that is covered in dried minced onions.

Taste Summary: So much dried minced onion, over salted to the tenth degree.
Odds of These Becoming More Popular Than Funyuns: -135,887%
Overall Grade: C-

'Til next time, stay chippy.

- Mike O.

We Didn't Blog The Fire

2011-03-29T16:09:00.000-07:00

[Editor's Note: Albuquerque was great fun and you'll read more about it another time. For now, I'm back from vacation and ready to post something that Abel sent in 12 days ago. Apologies for the delay.]

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This time around I'd like to talk about something kind of important, the Japan earthquake. Now before everyone starts to mutter how they didn't think I could be a bigger piece of shit than I already am, relax, I'm not going to crap on Japan. No, My anger is geared toward the lack of help the seem to be receiving from the world.

Japan has given this world so much over the years, amazing cars, sweet electronics like the gameboy and playstation 3, pokemon, mario bros, godzilla, and those really sweet horror movies that Americans decide to remake and ruin, as well as mouth watering food. Yet as I sit at home type this, four different channels are showing college basketball (go duke) but not one god damn telethon or even some really long commercial for red cross help has been shown. What the fuck America!

I don't see how Haiti, an island that looked like shit and a half to begin with, gets a telethon and millions of dollars raised for them, which I doubt have been put to good use. Meanwhile the most important contribution they've given the world is a third of the fugees. I'm not saying Haiti doesn't deserve the money, all I'm saying is that a country that's given the world so much deserves at least a couple of drums of lead paint to shield themselves from the radiation.

Where are all the god damn, tree huggers now?

I'm used to seeing craploads of them all piled into boat trying to save whales from being put to good use, yet when millions of people need help these dipshits are busy buying hybrids, American apparel scarves and fingerless gloves. Pussies. Perhaps after they're done shopping for organic vegetables they can come up with a plan to help and do something useful for a change.

What's that? Yes as a matter of fact I have done my part and donated money to the red cross. In your face!

Now with that said, me and my tax write off are out.

- Abel L.

I'm Gonna Be (500 Miles er... 10,000 Views)

2011-03-16T16:25:00.000-07:00

Happy 10,000 views everyone!

Here we are on the eve of St. Patrick's Day celebrating 10,000 views for IEC. It's actually more like 10,175, but who's counting? I'd like to thank everyone who contributed to the success of this blog and it is with great honor I present you with the picture posted above, courtesy of a neighbor on my street that stacked some used couches in Tetris block fashion on his front lawn.

As we approach the thirty day mark since my last update, it feels right to update everyone on what I've been brewing over these past weeks:

Mile long yard sales have got to go. Every first weekend of the month the city of Lynwood, CA allows tenants on Abbott Road to set up Raider tents that house your variable amounts of used items such as faded Kobe Shirts, piles of old baby clothes, ceramic farm animal cookie jars, non-working R/C toy cars, and of course endless amounts of stained cabinets and furniture. I'm not against anyone making a buck or two off of their used Lupillo Rivera albums or slightly stained FUBU gear. I am against the assholes driving in front of me who. stop. to. look. at. every. yard. hoping. to. find. a. bargain. on. old. patio. furniture. Your hazard lights don't make it okay. Park your fucking car and get the hell out of my way. Lynwood, I beg of you, put an end to this immediately.

Work is tiring, but the income is welcomed. This summer marks my sixth year with the same company and I'm surprised as anyone that I'm still working there. Recent changes have allowed me to do my job with more freedom, but the struggling economy combined with ravenous competition make it tougher by the day. I'm thankful the job has given me the money to help my mom keep the house she mortgaged with my father many years ago. It also gave me the opportunity to lease my own car and put every single thing in my own name. Cell phone, satellite TV, insurance, groceries, rent, hospital bills, appliances, repairs. It's all on me. There aren't many people I know who have to give an entire paycheck to keeping an old family house so it feels good.

Yogurtland is definitely better than Pink Berry. I'm not going into detail here, but Abel was 100% right when he made that statement. Double cookies 'n cream ice cream with oreo toppings? Unbeatable.

MLB The Show '11 is challenging to say the least. This review is limited having only played the demo on PS3, but pitching and hitting is a real pain. The new mechanics make it so that you have to use the analog sticks for practically everything. It works great for the fielding, but to pull down to wind up and push up and tilt for the follow through is asking a bit much when you're pitching. It's a welcomed change to hitting "X" for everything, but I can't see anyone playing an entire game the new way.

Vacation starts in 6 days. March 22nd is the start of a twelve day vacation which includes going to Albuquerque, NM for five days, driving Vero to the dentist to get three wisdom teeth pulled, and possibly attending a Dodger game (not opening day). Obviously, I can't wait. There's a Sonic on every block in Albuquerque and we know someone who just got hired there so we have free tots and chili waiting for us. I'm pretty sure that's all there is to do in Albuquerque, but stay tuned for my post-vacation blog.

The older Black Keys albums are just as incredible as the latest. I heard about these guys in December and already have four of their albums. Get Magic Potion and The Rubber Factory. Great music.

That's all for now. I'm off to Target to buy travel sized everything for the upcoming plane ride. 'Til next time.

- Mike O.

UFZ: Tax Edition

2011-03-05T01:47:00.000-08:00

So I'm not in jail and as of this morning the government deposited $4,750 into my bank. So up yours anyone who said I'd have to work again by January.

How did I do it? How can you do it and not go to jail?

After reviewing my return and seeing that my student credit for not actually attending in 2010 was 1,250 on top of my standard deduction. In addition there's a little known law that went into effect that anyone can cash in on. I can sell you the secret through my new dvd series ($49.99) or you can get a true professional to do your taxes. No not Morty from H&R block, I'm talking about the shadiest person you can find. A guy that makes you go to his hidden office with two boats parked out in front of it and a columbian drug lord exiting as you pull up. I remember telling my accountant how afraid I was that I would owe the government money and he looked at me and said " I will never let that happen." Now here I am debating on what to spend my money on, perhaps a second lava lamp?

Keep in mind that you have to pay for results, someone who will bend the rules and keep you out of jail is not cheap, but the return on investment is a killing. See you in the Dodgers suite.

Let's Give 'Em Something To Blog About

2011-03-01T00:02:00.000-08:00

Hello, hello, sorry for the gap in between posts but I've been busy with work, school and scouring for food trucks across town. I totally recommend the hell's bell's burger from the koji truck by the way, delicious. This time around instead of going into detail about all the shit that's driving me bananas, I'm just going to spit out random shit that's pissing me off, so just take my word for it.

-I wonder what happens first, Clippers make the playoffs or gas hits 5 dollars a gallon.

-Am I one of the only few who prefers holding a book in my hand and turning pages with my fingers rather than pushing buttons on an e-reader?

-Yogurtland > Pinkberry, suck it.

-Cops should be able to pepper spray grown men who wear UGG boots, they should be allowed to shoot them for wearing them with their pants tucked into them.

-Tattoo removal places should do free removals when it comes to getting rid of Japanese words. Not trying to be racist but unless you're Asian or a ninja it looks stupid.

-People need to stop being assholes when it comes to negative reviews on yelp. 99% of them are stupid and useless.

-Millionaire athletes need to stop acting like bitches because they don't feel they're getting paid enough. Try getting a real job working for practically nothing, then see how much you're really worth.

-Fast food places need to stop coming out with a new burger/sandwich/taco/salad every 2 weeks and instead focus on making one meal that's really good.

-Stop complaining about the price of popcorn and soda at the movie theatre, you want to stop the prices from going up, don't buy shit there, ta da!

-I get it discovery channel, Alaska is a tough place to live in.

-Is there anything worse than a shitty donut?

That's all I got for now, Lozano out.

- Abel L.

Turning 29 But Looking 23

2011-02-17T20:57:00.000-08:00

Turning 29 is a lot scarier than hitting 30, starting today my entire year is a race to do all the things I said I would do before I hit the milestone. Thankfully having kids or being married was not on that list. To be honest I can't remember everything that was on that list, either mad cow disease or early senile is kicking in. I'm pretty sure either Karate or swimming were on that list, we'll see. A year ago, I wrote one of these blogs with a small hope that I'd meet my final reward at same the age Heath Ledger and Brandon Lee tragically died.

Today it's a different story, life seems like a challenge worth doing again. It's amazing how much you can get done when you don't hate your life. However if my number does come up within the next 365 days, I'll only be joining one famous person to die at the age of 29. That person being legendary pioneer and founder of real country music Hank Williams. No, not the guy who asked us if we were ready for some football? This Hank Williams was the creator of legendary songs like " Your Cheatin Heart" and "Jambalaya". So let's all wish Paris Hilton a happy 30th birthday and eat some alligator in honor of the guy who didn't sing about the football commentary skill of Al Michaels and Frank Gifford.

- David N.

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[Editor's Note: Happy Birthay, David! May your disillusioned thoughts about how young you look carry you into next year.]

Vote for Abraham by George Acevedo

2011-02-13T01:24:00.000-08:00

Shameless plug time. IEC contributor David has asked all of you to vote for his cousin's submission, Abraham, to the Create A Superhero For Stan Lee Foundation. Click here to vote.

Here's the description: Abraham is the sole survivor of an alien race comparable to humans. Mechanical body has replaced most of the tissue that was damaged due to disease. Has the power of psycho kinesis and telepathy. He cannot speak nor hear. His chest emblem originates from a West African Adinkra symbol, Siamese crocodiles, which stands for democracy and unity.

And, because this post is comic book related, here is the 'Reception' portion listed on Wikipedia for the movie Steel:

Reception

Steel was received negatively by American critics on its original release. The film ranking website Rotten Tomatoes reported that 13% of critics had given the film positive reviews, based upon a sample of 23.^[2] Leonard Kladly of Variety wrote that the film is "too broad and episodic to attract anything other than the most undemanding crowd".^[8] Peter Stack of the San Francisco Chronicle described it as a "tolerable stinker of a film" that "plays like a Saturday morning cartoon".^[9] Lawrence Van Gelder of The New York Times stated that the film is "slow to gather momentum and generates little excitement or tension".^[10]

Despite negative reception of the film, critics praised Annabeth Gish in the role of the wheelchair-using Susan Sparks. The New York Times called Gish's role a "strong performance".^[10] The San Francisco Chronicle noted that she "becomes the first woman-in-wheelchair action hero in a Hollywood movie, too. Gotta give Steel some credit for that."

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Goodnight everyone!

Unemployment Fun Zone: The Return (Double Whammy Edition)

2011-02-13T01:14:00.000-08:00

Much like a movie you didn't want a sequel to, I'm back. For the three people that wondered what happened to my column, let's just say my editor doesn't expect much from me.

Where have I been? When I wasn't at the drawing board doing cards and portfolio sketches, I was scouring the globe of course for the best food trucks around and running into fellow IEC contributor Abel L. I fully expect a new post from him about the Frysmith and The Grilled Cheese Truck, no doubt he's coming up with new synonyms for the word delicious; perhaps something like scrulumptious.

Don't think for one second I've abandoned my search for all things free and cheap in fact, this Tuesday I'll bring you a review of Liam Neeson's Unknown. This April we'll be bringing you UFZ: Anahiem comic con Volunteer Edition where I see how many professional artist give me art to sell on Ebay.

For now in honor of my birthday in four days, I'll be giving you tips on who still let's you eat like a king on your special day. Tonight I took a trip to the mecca of the 605 freeway, the Cerritos mall so I could dine at the Red Robin. If you've never had Red Robin, you either are dating the wrong person or you live in a city where good taste is forbidden. If you sign up for their free Red Royal rewards club you get a free burger on your birthday. You might be saying to yourself, " I still have to pay for fries and a drink though!" That is only a half truth my friend, tonight yours truly walked in, sat at the bar, gave the bartender my printed email; then like magic a bacon burger with unlimited steak fries was laid before me. After $2.62 cents for my root beer, my full meal was devoured and there was no room for anymore. I'm giving this deal a 5 out of 5.

Other free things you can still get within the two weeks that encompass your birthday include, Fuddruckers free burger, $10 towards food at Roadhouse (no purchase necessary), and Ben and Jerry's Ice cream. Check their respective websites for all the details.

Now for the double whammy! Like a black video game salesperson's wet dream, I made $80 dollars today playing an unreleased video game for 2 hrs and stating all the things I hated about it. When I first answered this ad, I was skeptical of being raped or having to give up my credit card. Turned out to be a legitimate marketing company hired to conduct this kind for research. This beats jury duty hands down for the simple reason that even if you aren't selected for a panel you still get $50 just for showing up and your on your way home. In jury duty the judge just calls you racist, gives you a lecture one why you should want to be part of jury duty and sends you back to the waiting room. Because I signed a non disclosure agreement, I can not talk too much detail, but I will say it was an exclusive for a game system that has a blu-ray player built in and the name of the game rhymes with Fisted Yental. What am I going to do with my 80 bucks? Yep you guessed it, lottery tickets.

We'll be back in 4 days for my " 29, I think I'm turning 29, I really think so" blog. In 30 days we'll be back with last minute tax tips, including how I got $4,250.00 back and so can you. Plus coming soon for any birthdays after may, IEC will be hosting my "you name it, I draw it" blog where one person will get an actual Image comics bristol board sketch by me, of the most off the wall thing they can think of.

As always it's been your pleasure (or total waste of time),

David

Ebay Is Addictive, The Superbowl, And Gambling

2011-02-08T11:06:00.001-08:00

Happy post-Superbowl, everyone. Hope you all had enough time to digest that mountain of quepapas and Bud Light. With just 5 posts it's safe to say that January was a slow month for IEC so I'm pointing blame in the following directions:

1. David went back to school (I think?), remembered how to smile, and has been drawing up a storm according to all 1,3o4,244 of his Facebook updates.
2. Abel is closely monitoring the Lakers and pulling for an Artest/Ariza trade.
3. Daniel's empty promises continue to remain just that.
4. Yours truly celebrated a birthday, drank a boot of beer at a surprise party, served jury duty, sold a ton of shit on ebay, passed Dead Money on Fallout: New Vegas, and worked a billion hours as usual.

Either way, no excuses. Our collective writer's block is over and it's back to business. Or maybe not, who the hell knows.

Back to the Superbowl. Plenty of bad decisions were made on the field but the real mistakes were made in the kitchen. Watching the game gives us all an excuse to gorge once more before winter is over and pretend that words like "calories", "sodium", and "trans fat" don't exist. Shotgunning cupcakes (the act of stuffing an entire iced cupcake in your mouth and attempting to eat it quickly) imbetween eating foods like buffalo wing flavored Ruffles, turkey chili, subway 6" sandwhiches, and chicken wings is not recommended at any other time of the year. With Pepto Misol in hand, I finished off what was left in the bottle and prayed those nachos I tacked on for desert at 12:14am Monday morning would stay down.

I didn't get to watch the Superbowl last year and pig out, but the year prior I was in Las Vegas gambling away my tax return and going all in with a pair of 9s. I didn't lose a crazy amount of money, but since then I haven't gambled heavily. Last March I was in Vegas for St. Patrick's day and won $500 from a slot machine, the most I've ever won since visiting there. But playing a few hands of poker or taking a shot at the slots just doesn't match up to the fun of betting on sports, especially baseball. I'm already a fan of the game, but when you start trying to pick five winners for the same ticket for some crazy amount of money it's that much more fun. Why else would you be interested in the pitching match-up for the Pirates-Brewers game? I've been good, though. I've stayed away from old habits despite the fact that the advent of the smart phone is making matters worse. All this access to live scores and highlights wherever I go makes it easier to watch the results for instant jubilation (or humiliation).

Luckily there is eBay. It was fun watching all these auctions end while trying to find out how much someone will spend on a three-year old electric guitar (Note: It costs $90 to ship a guitar to Virginia. Not $50. Ninety fucking dollars via FedEx). Everything sold, from old video games to a GPS that became obsolete courtesy of my Droid Incredible. Throwing your old junk on eBay is a fun gamble since you never know how desperate someone is and you keep waiting to see if you might get back what you originally paid for it. There are tons of bargains too, like this Todd Marinovich signed 1992 Upper Deck All Rookie Team football card for just $12: (http://cgi.ebay.com/TODD-MARINOVICH-1992-UPPER-DECK-SIGNED-AUTO-31-RAIDERS-/130360654625?pt=LH_DefaultDomain_0&hash=item1e5a19bb21).

eBay is a decent enough gambling-like substitute that I can live with right now so wish me luck and I'll see you all next time.

- Mike O.

I Can Feel It Blogging In The Air Tonight

2011-01-29T02:33:00.001-08:00

First off I'd like to say that I hope that the tens of thousands of readers out there are having a great start to the year. I'm kind of hoping that the care meter breaks 10k before the start of another exciting season of Dodger baseball, fuck you McCourts! Anyways, This week I'd like to discuss a topic that is near and dear to my heart, the thorn in my ass that is the window shopper.

I don't have any problems with window shoppers, the problem I have is with the imbeciles who know full well that they're not going to buy anything but yet feel compelled to signal you over from about 50 feet away in order to explain to them the in's and out's of 3D television. 9 times out of 10 these morons own a 26 inch dynex/insignia/coby/vizio tv and watch it on basic cable, why the fuck do you need to know everything about a tv that costs over 2 grand? The only worse than the fact that you're wasting my time is the stupid look on the customers face when you explain something to them, its as if you're explaining advanced Chinese calculus.

Also on my list of people who chap my ass are the customers who feel the need to have everything price checked for them, especially the ones that want you to give them the price with tax. Are you kidding me? Look here you fucking mook, if you really need to know the price of something after tax, 1, you really should be spending your welfare check on something more useful like electricity and 2, I don't know how the 500 dollar price tag doesn't scare you away, yet somehow the 47 dollars in taxes make or break the deal. So the next time someone wearing pajama pants and is holding a kid that smells like its diaper hasn't been changed in about three days asks you for a price check, you tell them to go eat a dick.

Last but certainly not least on my list aren't window shoppers, no, I've got a bone to pick with the people who let their kids run around the god damn store like its some kind of day care center. Keep those things on a leash if you're not going to watch over them. I'm tired of your idiot kids running around the supermarket like they're on fire getting their booger covered hands on shit that isn't on the WIC list. There should also be some kind of policy at Toys R Us that doesn't allow you into the store with children if you're not going to buy them anything. I completely understand that it's not the kids fault for wanting all kinds of things there, hell I go in there now and I cant help but want to go home with half the store. But the next time I'm looking at a lego star wars set and someone let's their idiot kid ride around the store on a bike, the next lap is gonna be your little Lance Armstrong's last because I'm going to clothesline them off that fucking huffy.

I'd also like to give a special thanks out there to all the people who complain about displays not working. If the shit's not working, just deal with it, you know you're not buying it anyway. Stop busting my dick over a SLR camera not working when you're going to be at Chuck E Cheese taking pictures with your metro pcs phone, you fucking dunce.

Speaking of Chuck E Cheese, stop letting your kid go off and join someone else's birthday party. I'm tired of seeing lil Tyrone trying to get cake and tokens from the Nguyen's.

That's all for this week, see you at yogurtland, Lozano out.

- Abel L.

Jury Duty @ the Compton Courthouse: Justice For Y'all

2011-01-18T12:51:00.000-08:00

For the second time since turning eighteen I received a jury summons. Clearly I either need to stop voting or join in with the rest of you who just throw away the letter and move on.

The good news is that I received a full eight hours worth of pay from work and I didn't have to deal with anybody asking me the difference between LCD, LED, and Plasma. Add to this the fact that I again made it all the way to the jury panel only to be kicked off for answering questions as truthfully as possible. It seems as though everyone who answered the judge's question of "Have you, your family, or any close friends ever had any negative experiences with a police officer?" were rightfully removed from the jury even after answering "No." to the judge's follow up question of "Will that negative experience impact a judgment you'll have to make in this case?".

By the second day I was already in "Ah, fuck it. Why not?" mode and was beginning to look forward to getting paid to serve on a jury. I'd already invested so much time already and plus they were giving us 90 minute lunch breaks which allowed me ample time to walk to the Popeye's right across the street on Compton Blvd (I recommend the spicy chicken strips, biscuit, Cajun fries, and most importantly the freshly brewed sweet tea). Not to mention the Compton Superior Court House is also incredibly easy to maneuver around and the bathrooms and cafeteria were five-star. Signs of where to go are posted everywhere and the parking situation is a breeze. The place is dummy proof.

The most frustrating part of all this is that I prepared myself for the excitement of getting all judicial with it only to be excused for no legitimate reason that I can think of.

Really? You're going to keep me there for two days, select me to the jury panel, ensure that I can be unbiased and then release me? It's no wonder that it took two days for them to form what they call an acceptable jury panel. The questioning and re-questioning of your answers simply takes too much time and everybody has something to say. Truthfully, the odds of someone living in Los Angeles and not having a bad experience with a cop are relatively low. Almost as low as the chance that anyone reading this blog has ever seen 1995's Jury Duty. Even if you didn't make a big deal about the negative experience (traffic ticket, incidental macing, profiling, accidental beating, etc;) it seemed that you weren't fit to judge police officers who were going to testify against a defendant.

Despite that nonsense there were some great moments to be had.

The Compton Superior Court House pulls people from all over Los Angeles including the more densely pale areas of Downey, Norwalk, Torrance, Cerritos, Pico Rivera, and Gardena. While waiting in a crowded elevator with several other potential jurors an overweight black woman tries to enter from the second floor and as she squeezes her portly forearm in my back she yells "ARE THERE ANY BLACK PEOPLE IN THIS ELEVATOR?". Much to my amusement the shorter, fatter black lady that has her buttery elbow stuffed into my right side replies with "Oh Child- I'm here with you. You'll be alright!".

Then of course you have the guys parked outside of the courthouse on North Acacia Ave. that try to sell you bootlegs. No, Dominiq, I would not like to purchase True Grit from your unmarked black van.

Potential jurors provide a lot of entertainment especially when they share stories of no relevance to questions asked or do the opposite of what the judge instructs. For example, you're specifically ordered not to Google or search the internet for the defendant's name or case but on day two a lady explained that she could no longer be impartial because she read about the story in the Press Telegram. When asked "Have you ever been the victim of a crime?" some foreign kid spoke of the time where he wasn't sure if he just lost his wallet or if it was stolen from him. When asked "Do you have close friends or family in law enforcement?" a young woman explained that one of her friend's uncle's cousin's brother's aunt's grandfather was part of the parking lot attendant team at the 1984 Summer Olympics in Los Angeles. It never ends. In addition there will always be jurors who got confused and waited hours in the non-juror line and showed up late to the courtroom only to be stared at and mocked by the judge. That was the icing on the cake.

So, Judge John T. Doyle of Department F on the 10th floor, if you're reading this I have one thing to say: You owe me three days worth of Louisiana chicken strips and a gallon of sweet tea.

- Mike O.

Highway to the Danger Zone

2011-01-18T10:28:00.000-08:00

I know what you're thinking and before you begin to get all wet because this is about Kenny Loggins or Top Gun, it's not, settle down. No this is actually about driving on the freeway and the dickheads who don't follow proper driver etiquette. These are things that aren't taught in drivers ed class, but yet have been picked up by most drivers in some way, shape or form.

Now I'm pretty sure most people already know about the left lane of the freeway, not the carpool lane, but the fast lane. Most drivers are well aware that if you want to go about 20 mph's or more over the speed limit this is the lane to do it in. I'm not trying to say it's okay to do about 90 on the freeway, what I'm saying is that it's not alright for someone to do less that 75 in that lane. I don't understand why drivers refuse to change over to the right lane when they see a car about to get in there ass in the rear view mirror. I don't care if your doing 100, if the car behind you is doing 105, get the hell out of the way.

The only thing worse than someone who refuses to change lanes to the right are the drivers who go below the speed limit on the freeway. Seriously what the fuck is that all about? If someone refuses to go over 60 on the highway, then they need take the god damn street because they're obviously not in any hurry. There isn't any need for a beat up astro van to take up valuable space on the 105 when they can simply drive down Imperial and fit right in.

Last but certainly not least are all the god damn drivers who slow down and stare every time an accident occurs. Why in the blue hell are people slowing down for? They need to pass some kind of law that allows drivers to plow into the back of assholes who slow down to stare at shit they can do absolutely nothing about. I really doubt doctors and emt's drive around in 89 sentra's or old datsun trucks with a leaf blower in the back, andale Jose, you're slowing me down.

In closing I'd just like to say keep your hands at 10 and 2, drive defensively and in the words of the great rapper Ludacris "move bitch, get out the way."

- Abel L.

Happy 2011!: Resolution Denied

2011-01-07T21:01:00.000-08:00

Just 5 days into the year and I figure what better time to write about things that are already pissing me off. None of these things have gotten to me really, it's just that I cant think of anything to really write about and combining that with the fact that I have the attention span of a squirrel, why not strike while the iron's hot.

The first thing I'd like to give a toast to are bus stop patrons. I know waiting for the bus sucks, actually no I don't, I hate the bus. I remember walking about 5 miles in chuck's in about 95 deg weather every day just because I didn't want to take the bus like common folk back in 99. I'm not here to complain about the bus though, i'm here to shit on all the impatient people waiting for it. Every bus bench with more than 5 people waiting always seems to have one person who stands in the middle of the god damn street looking down the road as if the sight of them is gonna cause the bus driver to step on it and run all the lights. What the hell are these people doing standing in the middle of the street looking at their watch for anyway? The way I see it is you only have 2 options at that point, stand on the curb patiently sipping on an arizona tea or pick up your crap and walk. Something tells me most people rather get hit by the bus rather than walk away from it.

The last thing I'd like to bitch about is candy bar prices. What the hell is going on here? I went to Walgreens like a week ago with a dollar in my pocket looking to pick up a peanut butter twix (the caramel ones can suck my dick) and I cant believe I had to pay for it with my atm card because it was more than a dollar, to make matter worse it wasn't even that king size one with four bars. What is the world coming to when you cant even enjoy the sugary goodness of your favorite candy bar with the change on your pocket (if your favorite candy bar is almond joy or mounds, may you burn in hell) Christ, a bag of skittles now a days costs as much as a double cheese burger at McDonalds.

Thats all I got for now, Lozano out.

- Abel L.

This Is A Test

2011-01-01T22:38:00.001-08:00

Just when you thought I couldn't get any more lazy I found an Android application called "Blogaway" that allows me to post articles from my phone. No more opening my laptop, hitting the power button, and waiting for Vista to take three minutes to properly load. This means that now I can post frequently about an even larger amount of trivial things.

I'm not too sure how to work with photos, paragraph separation, font editing, or spell check yet. It's also a hell of a lot harder to type on my phone verses the laptop so this might turn out to be pointless after all. Here's to hoping that this makes it easier for me to upload your e-mailed blogs sooner and that the photo I selected from the SD card in my phone uploads properly.

Testing complete. Goodnight.

Final Hours of 2010

2010-12-31T19:13:00.000-08:00

As usual, I got too busy/lazy to complete my Ridiculous New Years Resolutions articles that I promised to have up five days ago. I have some crazy suspicion that nobody was checking daily to see if I'd follow through so I guess everybody wins.

I'm still unsure of where I'll be or what I'll be doing when the clock strikes midnight so here are tonight's odds accompanied above by my favorite Black Keys song from 2010:

1,000,000/1: Playing Yahtzee. Seriously, nobody understands this game. I once got a Showdown: Yahtzee boardgame for Christmas and tried to learn the rules. Are you kidding me? I have to do what with three dice, then take two dice and not do that same thing or I'll lose. What?

1,000/1: Singing Karaoke. I learned my lesson. Not happening.

100/1: Getting Rich. Not sure how this would happen. Maybe as I'm being picked up from a pool of my own vomit I find out that I've had some gold coin lodged in my stomach for a few years and now it has surfaced to bring me fortune.

25/1: Crying. Realizing the fact that I didn't meet my goal of reading at least one book this year or complete an entire excerise/work-out, I break down in the silence of my bathroom.

10/1: I Become Shirtless. This acts as a side bet if the 5/1 odd goes too far (see below).

5/1: I Get Drunk. Somebody shoved a Blue Moon and some Jack Daniels in my face and forced me to be Irish again.

2/1: I'm Sleeping. As the cold drool rolls down my cheek onto the pillow case I don't move a muscle as Picolo Pete's are lit by every neighbor within a two mile radius.

1/1: I'm Hugging. Awwwwwwwwwww <3!

Let it also be known that on the eve of 2010 I conquered the Beef Crunch Burrito with Flamin' Hot Fritos and figured out what the lyrics were to that song everyone sings at midnight.

Should auld acquaintance be forgot,
And never brought to mind?
Should auld acquaintance be forgot
And auld lang syne?

- Mike O.

2011: The Future Is Now

2010-12-30T22:04:00.000-08:00

Since Michael already did a 2010 year in review, I figure I'd try my hand and fortune telling and predict some of the things we at infinite etc have to look forward to next year. After all, whats the worse than can happen, I'm right? Ha, I couldn't predict the winner of a Harlem globetrotter/Washington general game.

First of we'll start with David I see great things in his future, he'll still be unemployed. The upside to that is because he'll be busy making the rounds on game shows. After coming in second place on "Survivor", David manages to tarnish his image just a bit after getting dragged off of the set of "Are you smarter than a 5th grader" after he gives Jeff Foxworthy the finger and tells the 5th grader to "suck my motherfucking dick, you little bitch." Fortunately the grass really is greener on the other side and MTV decides to give Dave his own show called "I hate little bitch 5th graders, they can suck my motherfucking dick" its a working title.

Mike will finally realize that JC Penney and Kohl's aren't the only stores that sell ties and dress shirts. He will also become big t's(Tony Baugess) right hand man and get promoted to manager, as Michael's reign of install and black tie protection terror begins, his first act as manager will be to hire Danny as home theatre supervisor. Finally I see Michael coming up on some money and opening up a Rum Jungle in Cerritos where he will unfortunately have way too many jello shots and throw up all over the place, but that's after sitting down and stealing a young lady's chair.

Danny will still not have a job, he'll get hired by Michael sometime later that year so it's cool. This blog will still not get a candy bar review from him.

Finally I, Abel, will still work a bestbuy except it'll be under a new gm, Kenji. I'll finally have a new car, unfortunately it'll be broken into and stolen within the first week. I will somehow manage to be hurt at work again and I'll be forced to have the deaf kid drive me to the hospital.

There you have it folks, 2011 in a nutshell for the infinite etc staff. who knows maybe 2012 will finally bring us a review from Danny.

- Abel.

Ridiculious New Year's Resolution #5: Going Vegetarian

2010-12-27T03:28:00.000-08:00

Counting down to new years wouldn't be the same unless I explored some of the all time greatest most-likely-to-fail resolutions you could ever imagine. Today, at the ripe hour of 3:41am, I present to you Ridiculous New Years Resolution #5: Quitting meat cold turkey and turning a new leaf as vegetarian.

I've never intentionally tried going a day without eating an animal, it occurs by default. I could be too lazy to cook something or even more lazy to not want to pick up the phone and order pizza. Do you know how many syllables there are in pepperoni or how many times I've had cereal for dinner? A 48 hour diet that consists of Cheez-Its, trail mix, Pringles, and iced tea is not that uncommon and it's nothing that I celebrate as a true test of restraint. It just happens.

If you operate on that kind of level, where being a vegetarian is not a conscious effort you've promised to abide by for moral obligations or otherwise, then I suggest you not make the leap this new years. If it's the end of December and you just watched Supersize Me, Fast Food Nation, and Earthlings with your new Netflix membership slowly wipe away the tears and continue eating those delicious leftovers before you go making foolish promises.

There's an easier approach that most so-called vegetarians live by. Make a simpler resolution like having a better diet or maybe just not eating as much pig's feet as you did before. Most "vegetarians" I know still get by every once in a while and cheat by eating chicken nachos or turkey sandwiches. Start there. Move away from the pig and the cow and work your way up to the feathered and scaled. Don't dive right in, take small bites (yum!).

Stay tuned for the next ridiculous resolutions as we make our way to numero uno.

2010: Year In Review

2010-12-24T08:54:00.000-08:00

Fix yourself an Arnold Palmer, reheat those boneless chicken wings, try to dim that swirly looking energy efficient light bulb and prepare to waste the next few minutes for infinite amounts of et cetera courtesy of yours truly as I look back at some memorable items from 2010.

Disappointments and Let Downs:

Biggest IEC Disappointment: In November, IEC contributor Daniel promised us bi-monthly blog entries for his Psychobilly Sweet Tooth feature but we’ve yet to see one official submission. His penance will be a five-hundred word essay on why he finds joy in teasing us all. We feel like the dog who chases that which was never thrown. Please, stop flinching your wrist and throw the ball.

Biggest Personal Disappointment: In the two months leading up to April I was sick at least once a week, throwing up what looked like ground up coffee beans and lemon flavored Gatorade. The attacks were usually brought on by the consumption of spicy foods at very late hours. What felt like shards of glass dipped in Tabasco sauce rolled around inside my body for at least a few weeks until one day at work I threw up blood, turned a lighter shade of Simpsons yellow, and got sent to the emergency room. The fact that it took me so long to get right and also assuming the issue would resolve itself on its own earned me the Gallstone of Shame award (opposite of the Telxon of Freedom award).

Biggest Global or National Disappointment: The BP oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico takes top honors and is self explanatory. For them, the city of New Orleans hadn’t suffered enough. In a distant second are all the millions of people who watched or were involved in the making of Jersey Shore, Grown Ups, American Idol, Tooth Fairy, or Yogi Bear.

Burst of the Worst:

Worst Birthday Present: Getting chainsawed in Gears of War 2 by Veronica.

Worst Food Related Idea: It’s a tie between my decision to eat a green chili pepper at Narai Thai and the time I tried to make chicken tenders in a frying pan and used way too much salt. Leave the cooking to the real chefs at Norm’s.

Worst Experience In A Car: Even though I wasn’t driving I’ll never forget the time someone decided to take flash photography at night while on a busy freeway. In case you hadn’t heard, having a flash go off while you do 80 on the 101 isn’t the best idea. How somebody over the age of 40 thought it was appropriate to go paparazzi on some sky scrapers while in the backseat of a compact car I’ll never know.

Worst City Visited: Unfortunately my line of work calls for the occasional trip out of town. Last year I was sent to Phoenix and this year I had the pleasure of experiencing Orlando. Avoid going here at all costs. We already have Disneyland, Universal Studios, and lots of sunshine. My dad visited the majority of Florida many years ago and what he told me was true: There are millions of bugs everywhere and if you walk outside of an air conditioned room you will immediately begin to sweat. You can’t go anywhere without feeling like you’re trapped inside of a plastic bag. The claims of extreme humidity are completely accurate and you’ll need to shower a minimum of three times a day. Orlando is pointless if you live in Los Angeles.

Achievements and Triumphs:

Biggest IEC Achievement: The return! After a meeting of the minds and some playful arm twisting Infinite Et Cetera regained its place in the blogosphere. It’s good to be back and see the increase in page views. Every time you click refresh an angel gets its wings. Anyways, it wouldn’t have been made possible without the other contributors so thank you all for your help in the rebirth.

Biggest Personal Achievement: I don’t know how long it was supposed to take for me to learn how to use chopsticks, but this year I fucking nailed it. I practiced often and tried to find the right balance especially when picking up sushi pieces. I’ve eaten more Japanese cuisine simply because I’m no longer embarrassed to ask for a fork.

Biggest Global or National Achievement: In August the H1N1 (Swine Flu) pandemic was officially declared over and in October thirty-three miners that were trapped in a Chilean mine were rescued after being stuck for 69 days. But the real achievement is the fact that only 0.0064% of the United States population paid to watch Tom Cruise and Cameron Diaz in Knight and Day. The film grossed just $20 million dollars opening weekend and at ten dollars a ticket that meant that just two million people out of 311 million saw the movie. Last year I wrote about how disappointed I was to see that Paul Blart: Mall Cop made close to $40 million dollars opening weekend and now, thankfully, America has redeemed itself just a little.

You’re Simply The Best:

Best IEC Related Moment: At David’s going away party everyone was in good spirits, including the man of honor himself as he performed the infamous DX crotch chopping gesture in my direction. Thank you for that memory David.

Best Discovery: Sushi.

Best Rediscovery: Hawaiian BBQ Kettle Chips.

Biggest (Best?) Surprise: I still can’t believe how many hospital bills I received after having gallbladder surgery. I got a bill from the hospital, a bill from the nurses, bills from all the doctors, surgeons, anesthesiologists, consultants, and the entire god damn medical community. I would’ve trashed the hospital room Vegas style had I known I’d be billed over one thousand dollars for three days and two nights. And that’s without ordering any expensive hot dogs, Bud Lights, chicken wings, or pornography.

Best Amusement Park Moment: While walking through the haunted house at Universal Studios I was accompanied by a terrified anonymous person who was clinging to the center of my back as we slowly trotted past actors in make-up who popped out of dark unknown corners. Normally I’d poke fun at the reaction of this person but seeing as how I’m still afraid of spiders and kicked the air while shouting “Oh Shit!” after being surprised in a well lit room I’m going to lay off.

Best Way To Feel Like An Embarrassed Douche/Ass: When I quit excessive drinking in March I assumed that meant my fear of looking a fool was mostly over with. After all, I set the bar high over the past 12 months by throwing up in my girlfriend’s brother-in-law’s rose garden after drinking an entire bottle of Jack Daniels or by referring to who I assumed to be a female customer as “Sir” at least three times only to be sternly corrected. Instead, my experiences with the XBOX Kinect or Playstation Move are the 2010 winners of this category. Take for example my dancing performance to Lady Gaga’s Poker Face. Never have I ever had to choreograph moving my shoulder in towards my knee while seconds later fist-pumping three times in succession followed by an arms-folded lean back motion. Seeing the words “flawless” light up in neon pink on the screen and watching the recap of my horrible dancing moves captured via mini-cam didn’t help me feel any better. I won’t go into detail either about how horrible I was at Playstation Move’s Frisbee golf challenge but you can imagine how great I looked doing it.

Best Vacation Moment: This year I drove the farthest I’d ever driven and made way to Las Vegas for St. Patrick’s Day. While my girlfriend and I were dancing (no I wasn’t) to some Lil’ John song at Club Rok some Archie-looking white guy walked over to us and screamed “Yeahhhh!” as he put his hand on both of us. Even though I ended up winning $500 from a slot machine I still think that random act takes the cake.

That wraps up my recap of 2010. There’s a lot more that happened and deserved an award but I’m on page two of a Word file which means that any more writing would put you all to sleep if it hasn’t already.

- Mike O.

Iron Man is Mr. Peanut

2010-12-21T23:43:00.000-08:00

For 94 years the beloved Planters company logo has remained silent. Until now.

Robert Downey Jr. is the first voice of Mr. Peanut and (if it's even possible to even do so in a thiry second commercial) he nails the role perfectly. I've seen the commercial a few times on Hulu but never recognized it was him. I'm loving the new claymation Mr. Peanut and will celebrate this occasion tomorrow when I buy that Planters tropical trail mix for $9 at 7-11. Freeze-dried pineapple and lightly salted dried banana will make this the merriest of Christmassesses.

- Mike O.

December Rain: You Are Not Axl Rose

2010-12-21T22:52:00.000-08:00

This is dedicated to everyone who suddenly turns into Shakespeare at the slightest drops of rain.

Stop!

I hate going on facebook, twitter or any sight where people are bombastically putting up useless rain forecast or failed attempts at haiku's about the "storm watch". Thanks to the recent invention of the window, I am able to see the weather conditions as they happen without being in it. I hope Johnny Mountain punches you all in the ovaries for trying to usurp his job. In addition I don't need your status update laying in bed "listening to the rain". What exactly am I suppose to do with this information? Stop talking about how the rain makes you think deeply, remember you were not the person in Gun's and Roses November Rain video. Please understand if the rain is the only thing that can turn you into Hemingway, then chances are you suck at putting your thoughts into words on a regular basis. If you don't understand the last reference then point proven. Listening to your rain gutters clog is not going to fix that, make some soup or turn on a TV. A change in weather is not going to help you redeem yourself from that D- you got in your 3rd grade English book report on Judy Blume's Runaway Ralph. Stop talking about how much you love the rain if your just on your phone and not willing to venture out in it. There are a lot of people that have to go out in this weather and your sudden deep insights won't stop them from skidding across two intersections on MLK or Atlantic. If your going to express yourself do it on a daily basis, not because you decided to pretend to seize the day and curl up in your blankets. Even if it's only to give this post the finger

- David N.

UFZ: The Green Hornet Strikes

2010-12-21T00:36:00.000-08:00

Like the courageous Britt Reid, my personal Kato and I braved the apocalyptic sprinkle outside to watch Seth Rogen's adaptation of The Green Hornet.

For those too lazy to open a new tab and google Green Hornet, it's a tale of disgruntled underachieving bad ass Britt Reid. In a similar manner to DC comics Bruce Wayne, he inherits his fathers empire after a suspicious family murder. In an attempt to prove he's not a waste of skill he becomes the crime fighter known as (over exaggerated voice here) Greeeeen Horrrnet. This was not what was thespianized on the screen tonight

After seeing the comic con footage, reading the awesome Kevin Smith version of the story and being disappointed by Carls Jr's chicken tenders needless to say my expectations for this movie were not high by any means. Especially when your tag line is, Written by the team that brought you such dynamic action films as Knocked Up, Superbad, and the FortyYear Old Virgin?

From the beginning I wanted to hate Seth Rogen's portrayal of antagonist Britt Reid. In fact I hated the fat kid that portrayed the young Britt Reid in the movies opening flashback. Let's move on, it's now and Britt is a slacker / playboy who continues to piss his father off. After his fathers death, he's somehow forced to take over the family business. (Let this be a lesson make a will) Around this time we're introduced to his fathers mechanic/ coffee maker Kato. In order to piss off his father even more the two become the comedic crime duo Green Hornet and the nameless sidekick. Insert mob plot that intersects with his fathers death and add a Kato Green hornet fight with conflict resolution. Finish it off with an ingenious plan to take down the mob and ice it with a very entertaining blues brothers like car chase and you have the green hornet in 30 seconds.

The best part of the movie and the star in my opinion, is the Black Beauty itself. A 57 Chrysler that would make anyone feel like a bad ass and makes me want to go to Carl's Jr and buy a large drink so I can win it. I can't do it justice you just have to see it to believe it.

The best way to describe the portrayal of Britt Reid is Seth basically made the guy from Pinapple express into a millionaires son, that's the extent of the character. In a stupid way it's genius, he doesn't stretch himself into another character instead Seth Rogen makes the character into himself because hey, if your old enough to remember the Green Hornet radio show your either dead or a head in a cryogenic freezer. Cameron Diaz is barley worth mentioning, I kept waiting for Edward James Olmos to say Cal culus. The only great performance was Kato who constantly walked the line between broken English Asian and total bad ass. James Franco makes a cameo early on that I hope he was paid more for than Cameron or Edward James got combined.

In the end, this movie doesn't hurt or elevate the comic book hero genre. It's simple to follow plot, over piled on comedy and well choreographed action scenes make it entertaining, that is if you know nothing previous of the characters. It's not a movie that's going to be in any ones top ten it's just going to entertain you for a little over 90 min. ( Not don't be fooled by 3D, it doesn't make a difference here)

Unemployment FUN Zone factor 3 out of 5 ( movie free, 2 bucks parking, 10 dollar cooks torta)

This movie 3 out of 5.

Fear of hydroplaning on the freeway 1 out of 5.

If your looking for a campy movie to take a date to see this. If you want the definitive Green Hornet story go read Kevin Smith's comic book version which still contains plenty of dick jokes.

- David N.

Operation LA Storm Watch 2010: The Quest For Sane Journalists

2010-12-20T16:27:00.000-08:00

Contrary to what you've seen on KCAL, we're all going to survive these droplets of water from the heavens. The same things that normally happen in Los Angeles when it rains are going on as we speak and I survived all of them earlier today:

I hydroplaned on the following freeways: 605, 105, 710, and 91. I especially lost control on the 91 West to 710 North on ramp but thanks to the crazy idea of two-handed steering I was able to contain the beast that is a 2007 Toyota Corolla Sport.
The mall parking lots were crowded for some unknown reason (what the hell is going on??!) and pedestrians were rightfully soaked when standing idly by the curb.
After wiping all the dust off my defroster button it turns out that it still works.
Blinking red street lights allowed the cars at the intersection of Imperial and Garfield to perform the choreographed dance known as alternating.
Some giant white truck waiting for my parking spot in front of Forever 21 had to hold on for an extra five minutes as I stalled for no apparent reason in the spirit of Christmas.
Lines everywhere. I waited patiently as cashiers frazzled by business checks and Canadian quarters were trying to contain their tears.

Traffic and rain, rain and traffic. This happens maybe ten days out of the year so don't take Dallas Raines' forecast for the apocalypse too serious.

Top 10 Last Minute Gift Ideas

2010-12-20T16:02:00.000-08:00

I know it's been a while since I last posted, I'm sure the tens of thousands of you who read this blog probably lost sleep at night wondering whats going on? Well it was a combination of things really, and before the rumors begin to circulate about me wrapping myself in red and green shrink wrap and and trying to hang myself with the big joe safety harness, that's simply not true. The odds of best buy safety equipment actually working properly and preventing injury rather than cause it are astronomical. The reason the Cliff Lee of product process hasn't contributed to this blog is because your boy had the flu and to make matters worse, after getting over it, my computer decided to take a shit. R.I.P 933Mhz, 128Mb memory compaq presario, these past nine years have been great, you will be missed.

With Jesus' birthday being less than 10 days away, if you're anything like me, the thought of shopping hasn't even crossed your mind. In fact I've actually done my shopping on the 24th on 2 different occasions. Which leads my to the thought of who better than to write about great last minute gifts than yours truly. these items are in no particular order, but here we go.

-Crappy video game out of the 19.99 and under bestbuy dumpbin.
nothing helps spread more holiday cheer than giving someone a gem like deadliest catch for the xbox 360 or cooking mama world tour for the wii.

-Criss Angel magic set.
The real trick is not becoming a big douche like that guy.

-Shake weight.
It's like cranking one out, minus the satisfaction. Don't judge me!

-Gift card.
What better way then to show the holiday spirit then by picking up a gift card at Ralph's while buying yams.

-Snuggie.
A blanket with sleeves, need I say more.

-Wildly colored sweater from Macy's.
Why go with a orange or electric blue cardigan you say? Because all the normal colors are sold out by now.

-Socks.
Who doesn't want the self confidence that comes with having socks that are matching and lacking holes.

-Anything from the Bristol farms kiosk at the mall.
Hooray for sausage!

-Hot topic t-shirts.
Who wouldn't want to be the guy at the bar with the tony the tiger t-shirt, that's so rad.

-Crappy cd/dvd out of the bargain bin.
Imagine the look of joy as your secret Santa unwraps the Ray Parker jr ghostbusters cd, or that cinematic gem "glitter"

There you have it folks, I just simplified your last minute shopping experience, your welcome. Time to unwrap some tamales, happy Kwanzaa.

- Abel.

Unemployment Fun Zone: Early Tron Review

2010-12-14T00:09:00.000-08:00

Twenty years ago a movie was released that changed.........absolutely nothing. The original Tron was boring to anyone who ever had sex with a girl.

Today I got to see the sequel Tron Legacy and I got the same feeling all over again. After seeing the previews and taking part in the marketing games, I had hopes for this new tron movie to out do it's predecessor by leaps and bounds. On some levels it accomplishes this, the look of the world of tron alone is a win. However this movie really did not make great use of 3D effects, simply changing the angles on the light cycles or better cameras on the disc games would have been a hundred times more immerse than the bland "commin at cha vision" that plagued it's effects. The one redeeming thing about the movie was it's music. Former KROQ DJ Jason Bentley and Daft Punk do an amazing score that stays true to the feel from start to finish. In fact the best part of the movie is watching Daft Punk at the end of the line club. One major bright spot Olivia Wilde is awesome and the only actress in Hollywood that I think is Hot!

I won't spoil much but the story lacks any kind of emotional tie, I just don't ever believe that Kevin and Sam are happy to see each other. Too many plot holes especially when it comes to the character of Tron. The end of the movie is too predictable and for a movie that's suppose to spawn more sequels it's leaves nothing for any of the protagonist to build on. Come on Disney, there was no need for a pirates 2 or 3, a third mighty ducks, or a second tron.

Want to see better movies watch The Dark Knight and Inception again. Tron doesn't need your money, it will be number one this weekend no matter what. I saw this movie for free tonight and I still want my money back and not to mention the six hours of my life overhearing fat nerd girls and gay computer dweebs talk about their favorite family guy moments and how they would write a tron themed episode of Futurama. This was the only point in my life I envied the deaf.

Movie itself 2 out of 5.

Pre screening Fun zone factor 1 out of 5.

- David N.

---

[Editor's Note: I honestly can't wait to see Tron: Legacy. Obviously I'll have to judge for myself and be held to an "I told you so" if things go sour, but those neon jumpsuits are too much to pass up. I don't plan on seeing it in 3D although that might change considering everything I've read about the plot. Add to this that I've never seen the original Tron. The first I heard of it was via The Simpsons Halloween special years ago. Let the onscreen laser tagging begin!]

Unemployment Fun Zone : Come on Down!

2010-12-11T22:20:00.000-08:00

The place: Television City Ca at the Bob Barker Studio

The when: Yesterday (Editor's Note: David means Monday December 6th and not Friday the 10th but I've been busy so eat it. David also refused to include a picture so I picked one out that we'd all enjoy.)

One of the things I've always wanted to do was be on a game show. In my kick about living life, it occurred to me, if not now, when? The experience was what I expected to get out of it, but there were so many details the TV fools people on. First the studio is no bigger than an average AMC theater and Drew Carey is thinner than me in person. As far a replacing Bob barker goes, he is an uncanny choice. When the cameras aren't rolling, he spent every spare moment getting to know his audience, even going as far as to compliment me on my "Austin Powers like crushed velvet blazer". I made a fool of my self for mediocre prizes that could easily fit in the trunk of my car, with the hope that I'll hear the phrase " a new car" or boat.

One poor people use for price is right that I stumbled across was, how great a scenario it is for a first date with someone. Crazy right? Hear me out, you spend a good two hours before the show talking to your date getting to know her. This is because that's how long it takes the show to process and interview the audience. You don't have to buy her dinner because there's no food allowed past the first gate. In this time you realize if there's a connection or if this is a one time thing. The date also includes a free 90 minute show, this consist of the actual taping, it is a lot of fun just watching this whole production and everyone should do it at least once. If by chance your called, you have a personal cheering section and hey if you win you'll probably score at the end of the date too because, lets face it chicks dig guys who win boats.

There you have it, a memorable date for the cost of fifteen bucks parking. I'd say that's an awesome thing to do for free.

Did I win you might be asking? Guess you'll all find out a month and a half from now when my episode airs.

- David N.

Fallout New Vegas: 30 Hours Deep

2010-12-06T15:34:00.000-08:00

A mere thirty hours spent on Fallout: New Vegas and here's what I've learned so far:

Plain and simple, I'm addicted. Almost 100 hours have been dedicated to the series (past and present) and I can't get enough of it.
It took me long enough, but I figured out how to modify weapons and do other cool things I was too stupid to figure out in Fallout 3. Laser Rifles with Tri-Beam modifications = :)
Bugs and glitches suck, but a patch is being released once more so I can stop watching Radscorpions get stuck in quick sand.
Recruiting three prostitutes for a motel sounds normal enough but two of the three are a sex robot named F.I.S.T.O. and zombie-ghoul looking cowgirl.
I've found myself fast forwarding dialogue because I'm so anxious to get started on a quest. Not good.
An old lady killed one of her own dogs so that I could replace an Elvis impersonator's dog with its brain.
I never thought it was possible to kill giant bugs with spiked brass knuckles. I'll need some in real life now.
Without going into detail, the dreams and nightmares involving characters, scenes, and enemies from Fallout continue to this day. Make the Mirelurks stop.
Until recently I had no idea so many other people at work enjoyed the game as much as I do. Felt good to talk about what level I'm at in the game and discuss the best way to take out Cazadores and Deathclaws.

Bring on the future!

Coping With Christmas - Volume 1: The Music

2010-12-01T21:18:00.000-08:00

The sculpture above is called Sound Wave by Korean artist Jean Shin. He melted a ton of 78rpm vinyl records to create the wave and it looks amazing.

If I had my way I'd throw every original Christmas recording into a burning fire and melt them just the same. I get two days away from work to spend running the usual errands (getting food from the store, taking clothes to the dry cleaners if I could wake up early enough, harassing the Wetzel Pretzel employees at the mall for free samples, etc;) and because it's December I'm treated to those same old recordings of the holidays.

I hate the majority of Christmas music. All the classics are annoying, sappy, and nauseously repeated by every department store. There's a lot of good that's come from Christmas, including my 1989 Ninja Turtles Christmas tree ornament or Will Vinton's Claymation special (Which I now have to watch on mute) that I still get to have nightmares about. But Jingle Bells, The Little Drummer Boy, Angels We Have Heard on High, Joy To The World, The First Noel, Deck The Halls, and the like are all terrible things to deal with for the next 25 days. As if the classics aren't bad enough you also get to hear holiday originals like Mariah Carey's "All I Want For Christmas Is You" or Faith Hill's "Where Are You, Christmas?". I'll tell you where Christmas is: it's beaten and bloodied inside of a body bag if I have to hear Hark! The Herald Angels Sing one more time at work.

I'm asking for everyone's help in making an anti-overly-played-Christmas song playlist to help me cope. The song could actually be about Christmas in a positive way, just so long as it's not one we've all heard a million times already. Sarcastic, heavy handed, subversive, truthfully sad; I'll take it. Here's what I have so far:

Augie Rios - Donde Esta Santa Claus: I'll listen to this at least once a year. It's from 1958 and this kid's accent is hilarious.
The Ramones - Merry Christmas (I Don't Want To Fight Tonight): Entertaining video, love the ending.
Fear - Fuck Christmas: An obvious choice.
Ren & Stimpy - I Hate Christmas!: Just found this one and I'm loving the rhyming of listless with Christmas.
Snoop Dogg & Tha Dogg Pound - Santa Claus Is Coming Straight to the Ghetto: Snoop Dogg in a black santa hat driving a low rider. That's what this season is all about.
Eazy-E - Merry Muthafuckin' Christmas: Vulgar, but honestly what else would you expect?

Offer up any of your suggestions in the comments section and help me ride out the worst holiday time of the year.

[Spoiler: Please don't suggest the Ding! Fries Are Done video. If I hear it once I'll have to play it in succession five times. Maybe more.]

Mauritius, Home of the Dodo Bird

2010-12-01T00:28:00.000-08:00

While visiting the mall for some new work clothes (JCPenny wasn't having their usual Van Heusen shirt extravaganza) I came across this shirt inside of a Kohl's and it made me think: What the hell is Mauritius and is it possible they are running out of sewing machines and small children in China and Taiwan?

Turns out Mauritius is a small island on the southeast coast of Africa and is known for being the only home to the dodo bird and for their mass production of rum as well as poorly designed shirts for APT.9. Sir Anerood Jugnauth is the president, the local climate is tropical, and Port Louis is the republic's capitol. Basically, we could live without this place.

Here's to hoping those awful APT.9 shirts find the same fate as the dodo bird.

[Spoiler: I did find three solid colored shirts for work so get ready for Dark Burgandy, Light Blue, and Irish Creme.]

Black Friday: The Aftermath

2010-11-30T22:08:00.000-08:00

It has been five days and a few hours since my last blog and these are my sins.

All confessional joking aside, I survived a sixth Black Friday. It was not easy. They never are. By far the worst part about Black Friday in retail is in the preparation and the stress of not knowing what to expect. For example, last year we prepared at the very last minute, got the tickets in a rush, threw all the specials on the floor and just hoped for the best. The outcome was overwhelming and our location did well more than we expected. This year, with all the years of experience, added time for preparation, and increased labor expense the dollars just weren't there. I'd like to thank the city of Cerritos for giving me the pleasure of having Westinghouse and Coby brand TVs in my overstock to try and sell through now (Fuck!).

For the past two years the hottest items on Black Friday were actually offered at some other point during the year, except now they're magnified by the hype. Take for example the Samsung TV and BluRay bundle for $999.99. There were loads better deals than this throughout 2010 but I guess nobody got their Sunday Press Telegram those weeks. We couldn't sell enough of these bundle deals. Everything was bundled. We sold bundles that had bundles attached to more bundles. Products will never be sold alone ever again on Black Friday. I wish PizzaHut would bundle in some quepapas, wings, and breadsticks on all of my future orders.

My ten hour shift was exhausting, not that I'm complaining. The day flew by and I consumed at least three regular Coca-Colas, one Sprite, one Vitamin water, and an unspecified amount of Domino's Pizza (that new seasoned crust is delicious, by the way). The day seemed like one big blur of people and shopping carts.

In the end, nobody was trampled, no cars were stolen, and no customers shouted like animals. Maybe my assessment is unfair since I didn't actually open like I did last year, but for the most part everyone behaved and got their cheap ass crap peacefully and orderly.

The Top Ten Things/People I Feel Sorry For On Black Friday

2010-11-25T03:06:00.001-08:00

#10. One United Brand Porta Potty: This lonely fella has to accept the waste of over one hundred people over the next 30 hours. Yikes!

#9. Innocent, Trampled Morons: They know what they're getting into yet they still decide to risk it all for a Kindle. I don't have much sympathy for their bruises, but I honestly feel sorry for someone who can't save enough during the year so they have to camp out to save $35.

#8. Snails: Close to the entrance of where I work are hundreds of snails that hide in the bushes and later roam the sidewalks at night. Imagine the look on their faces when they see some 19 year-old Asian kid wearing Dre Beats headphones playing Pokemon with his friends. They were about to slime their way across the sidewalk for hours until you set up your tent, asshole.

#7. The Inventory/Merchandising Team: Signage, pricing, bulk stacks. Everything they work so hard for is knocked over and destroyed within minutes. You people are animals.

#6. Pizza Delivery Guys: I'm sure most businesses will be treating their employees to pizza that day. It has to suck carrying stacks of pizza in your car while trying to fight your way through traffic with a constant smell of marinara and cheese. The worst part is obviously not getting tipped. The second worst part is when you're delivering the pizza for the working staff and customers keep joking "Hey, where's my slice?!?!?". Fuck you, that's where it is. Get some.

#5. Employee Everyone Hates: Don't sit next to anyone in the breakroom, don't comment on any movie being watched, and don't talk about your last customer interaction. If you've managed to annoy every living being in your store then you don't deserve a friend on Black Friday.

#4. Money: Ewe.

#3. Cashiers: You guys have to touch most of the money. Ewe.

#2. Saturday Morning Janitors and Cleaning Crews: Call out! You don't want any piece of the aftermath. Think about how many people ruined the restroom, stained the carpet, and brought in foreign smells that seeped their way into every corner of the store. There's at least a few hours worth of vacuuming to be done before you can move on to waxing the floors.

#1. Decent Working Employees on Black Friday (Me, Abel, Mario, Veronica, formerly David and Daniel etc;) and Loss Prevention: We really don't deserve the torture we're put through. Really. We're bad people in many ways, but nobody deserves to be mistreated on this day. If you ask us to look up some obscure DVD for a movie that was made in 1954 or ask us about the difference between Samsung and LG we are not going to meet your request. Do not be so surprised or upset with this. It's the busiest shopping day of the year. Get in, get out. If it's not on the floor, we probably don't have it. If you weren't in line for a door buster, it's probably sold out. Loss Prevention will suffer the brunt of most complaints simply because they're at the front of the store. "You need more cashiers!", "The bathroom is a mess!", and "I can't believe you sold out of (blank)!" will be the most popular lines. I feel sorry for every Loss Prevention employee and hope they have enough will to keep from getting fired.

Happy Thanksgiving!

U.F.Z: This is my kinda place, my kinda crowd - By David

2010-11-25T02:47:00.000-08:00

In my short time on this earth, I've had the privilege of seeing some of the best bands ever play. Some even nothing short of legendary, from watching Warren from the Vandals climb the main stage at the warped tour in 2000 to watching Travis barker drum it out with DJ/AM about a year ago. I've seen my share of some great moments in music.

This past Saturday was another badge in this sash of awesomeness, I saw the Bouncing Souls play at the House of Blues in Anaheim. Who are the Bouncing Souls you ask? They started as a punk rock band in New Jersey almost 25 years ago and have been pioneers in the do it yourself record business ever since. They've never been on Los Angeles paid by advertisers radio or MTV because they simply don't believe in buying your fame.

Out of all the amazing acts I've seen like Rancid, Dropkick Murphy's, The Damned, Manic Hispanic and The Reverend Horton heat just to name a few, the souls remain my favorite band live. The difference between a live band and a band live is the experience you get, any group of musicians can play their music live but few acts and bring their music to life. I've been fortunate enough to see this band play live eleven times in three states and they get better each time I watch them perform.

Saturday, after a warm up performance from an aging Adolescents, the moment the Bouncing Souls took the stage, the music grabbed me for an hour and it didn't let go. For a band that's been around this long, they move like teenagers playing at a friends back yard. Greg's voice has come a long way since the first time I saw them play ten years ago, and hearing them play the old songs now compared to early recordings makes it feel new, like hearing them for the first time all over again. Overall this was a great performance but concert venues will never have the organized chaos like at the Alex's bar show in Long Beach a few years back, personally I didn't hear classics like Joe lies or any acoustic songs.

Why does this show mean so much to me and why does this show qualify for Unemployment Fun Zone. First reason being the price, seeing two awesome bands for 13 bucks can't be beat. To understand the second reason, you have to understand the last six years of my life. I've lived my whole life afraid of the world and afraid of pursuing the things I wanted to do like writing, drawing and working in production. Much of that reason is because I was always told not to leave the secure situation of having a sixty hour a week job and health care, even if it killed me everyday. Out of everyone in my family none of us even attempted to become what we wanted to in life because once we got into a job that seemed good enough we were afraid to be without it. My situation of getting up at 4am everyday to go to a job where nothing you did was ever good enough and your bosses hated you because you refused to act like a tool was killing me with the worst headaches of my life, then being diagnosed with anxiety disorder by my doctor and hating my life to the point where suicide or killing spree was an option. Self destructive behavior affected me even when I wasn't at work, costing me countless relationships with friends and loved ones. Knowing full well I never intended for my life to turn out that way, it was an unbearable situation that I put myself in. Before you say it, yes I know there are people out there in worse situations, but I've always wanted more for my life than a stupid shirt with someone else's name on it.

Sitting in my room three weeks ago, while contemplating my life one of my books fell off the shelf and it opened on an excerpt from a fortune cookie that said " Find release from your concerns and have a good time". It was something a fallen friend and mentor carried till he lost his eight year long battle with cancer in 2007. A man who never once gave in to self loathing which many in that situation do. I stared at that line for what seemed like hours and I thought to myself, if tonight was my last night on earth I haven't lived a single day the way I wanted to. The day after that, I was in a meeting where the only people I cared about at work were bashed unfairly for their work ethic. To me they had never been anything but the best, but when your not the head cheese your opinion doesn't mean jack. I was given an ultimatum either give up the money you make or they were gonna take it from me. I remember looking into the eyes of those two assholes who had made this whole situation unbearable, and thinking to myself I have a 3rd option. I can go see the bouncing souls play in two weeks and I can chose to live life without fear for once. I decided in the moment, it was finally time to let go of my concerns and fears and have a good time. On what quickly became my final day of work, I strutted out for the last time saying my good byes to few. My being was full of fear but I remember turning on my car and hearing Gone by the bouncing souls, at that point my doubts were turned to hope. It's the same feeling I got on Saturday night when I heard them play it, there wasn't a doubt in my mind I knew my decision to start living life, facing my fear of the world was the right choice. No one was ever gonna pull me out of my situation, so I had to do it for myself. As I got older these last few years, I'd been living this cloud of lies thinking that my life's sole concern should be paying bills and not about experiencing the world to find what your passionate about. How could anyone lead a full filled life that way?

That's the second reason this show qualifies for this blog, because it was the first show I got to see as a free man. For the first time, it felt amazing seeing the clock strike midnight on a Saturday night and not have to feel an anxiety about how I was gonna hate my life the next day. This band has a way of making each person in the crowd feel like they are playing just for them. Which was highlighted when lead singer Greg dove in the crowd to do a couple of songs.

What they did for me that night was put all my worries aside for an hour and gave me a reason to sing like nothing was wrong in the world. That night I sent the band's bass player Bryan a message because I left that show with a sense that following my dreams wasn't impossible, after all if four punks from New Jersey could grow up to play music in front of thousands of people all over the world, then maybe just maybe I could live a life that didn't make me hate myself. So i had to say thank you, but unlike most rock bands, he actually wrote back. Nothing long winded just a couple of encouraging words that get a person through the tough days (and I know there will be a few), in fact it was just two encouraging words "fuck yeah".

So not only did I see a great show, I got some reassurance that the only thing I got from living the comfort I drowned in the last six years was the fear of losing it. For practically nothing that's an awesome way to spend an unemployed night. Have a great Thanks Giving for the first time in a very long time my dinner will be after 3pm and I will be asleep Friday morning ( for you Abel).

Friday, I'm in love 2: Electric Boogaloo by Abel

2010-11-24T01:38:00.000-08:00

My last post was about my hatred of black Friday, but unfortunately it ran kind of long so there was a couple of things left unsaid. Hopefully this time I'll cross all the T's and dot all the I's because somehow I don't think Friday, I'm in love 3: season of the witch (that's for you Danny) will make it before the 26th.

After googling this years batch of black Friday ad-stravaganzas, I have come to a couple of conclusions, the most important of those being that people in this country are fucking retarded. I know I'm not the smartest person alive, but even I know that after looking at all the advertisements I quickly realized that the things in there are pretty much horse shit labeled with great household electronic names like Koss, Colby, and Gpx.I Guarantee you if could ask the people who are gonna be waiting in line on black Friday, if they would buy the same product for the same price in April or May, they would all say no.

So why is that? Do shoppers really believe they're getting some kind of bargain? Do they somehow believe that retailers are actually losing money on merchandise that day? I mean why on earth would herds of people wait in for about 3 or 4 days if they weren't robbing the store blind that day?

The answer is rather simple, people are stupid.

Sure there are a couple of really good deals out there, but nothing that would require a rational human being to wait more than an hour for. Too many people are blinded by the low price to realize that they're buying some old out of date model, i.e. tv's that aren't 1080p or only have only one hdmi output, or computers with low storage or slow processor. Yet somehow the feel the need to be in line for 3 days. I find it hard to believe that more people don't realize how simple it would be to save money to avoid waiting in line. If you worked like 3 or 4 extra days a year, worked overtime about twice in a work year, perhaps some thing as simple as taking your own lunch once a week, hell, if people took up a part time job a Cinnabon for 2 weeks, the money earned would be more than the amount of money saved for waiting in line for so long.

But the thing that really chaps my ass (that's for you Mike) are the customers who are stupid enough to believe that everything is on sale. "Its black Friday, isn't everything supposed to be like 50 percent off?" No idiot, it's not. You waited outside for nothing, now get out of my face you smell like armpit and feet.

In closing, be safe careful again, be safe again and most importantly I hope that when I'm at work at 2 a.m. you wake up with thanksgiving diarrhea. (Tha'ts for you Dave) Cheers bitches.

- Abel L.

Unemployment Fun Zone: The Whirling Derby

2010-11-21T22:33:00.000-08:00

So far in the fourteen days I've been without a job, I've taken up the guitar, re learned drawing techniques, been to Magic Mountain, and sat in the audience of a Kevin Smith podcast. My latest adventure in the jolly life of the jobless took me to a tiny market in Anahiem California. Perhaps rooting through dumpsters? No not yet.

My Friday adventure had me participate in an event thrown by the Lottery. Now I'd never been much for playing the lottery, the only tickets I would ever buy were during huge jackpots. Not like when I was a child and my parents bought me scratchers, apparently I used up all my luck back then. Today, after trading in all my families saved up winning tickets, I got twenty more lottery scratchers and this gave me the option of stepping inside a giant plastic snow globe for twenty seconds. That twenty second period was among the most fun, I've ever had in that short an amount of time. Spinning around like an idiot, and trying to punch out papers whirling around me. With a small crowd cheering for me and after I got over my fear of paper cuts, I managed to grab my fair share of prizes which netted me a cool twenty bucks more than I had spent. Apparently with my natural charisma, I will also be featured on the Orange County Registers website. I'll save the highlights from that interview for you guys to search.

One thing I noticed being the youngest person there and one of only five people there with a grasp on the English language, was a glimmer everyone had in their eyes in that line. It occurred to me some of these people aren't so different from some of my family. At that point it dawned on me, sure every so often the lottery makes a few millionaires but what it gives everyone is a little bit of hope. Most of the people who wait in lines at rat hole convenience stores and either drown a quarter of their pay check or a spare buck they had in their pocket, are people who have settled in jobs they never imagined themselves in or are forced to stay at. The majority of these people realize they will probably never be able to retire on their own or aren't fortunate enough to get the opportunity to save for it, so they invest in different opportunity to trade one dollar for millions. I can't count how many times my friends and I talked about the ridiculously selfish things we would do with that money, including paying someone to talk for us for a year.

No longer will I look down on big Hispanic families, Caucasian alcoholics, and old Japanese couples who played the lottery every week. To me they may not be doing a lot of things right but something they are doing is dreaming. I see even my own dad has realized he will probably have to work until the last possible retirement age but that hasn't stopped him from bringing my mom the occasional lottery ticket. It might seem like a dream but he's happy working and having the attitude "if it happens it happens". You may not be able to give your kids the best life but as long as you can show them your still dreaming, when they grow up they just might grow up with the idea that anything is possible and the point doesn't lie in a giant check it resides in that thought.

- David N.

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Link: http://www.ocregister.com/video/?videoId=681567525001&lineupId=31180453001

Best So Far: Office's "Viewing Party" and Walking Dead's "Tell It to the Frogs"

2010-11-20T00:31:00.001-08:00

For some reason I'm completely up to date with The Office and The Walking Dead. I say that because it's unlike me to be up to date with any show I've ever liked. My usual procedure is to watch a few episodes here and there and then revisit the whole season on Netflix or just end up buying it (The Sopranos, Futurama, King of the Hill, Curb Your Enthusiasm, The Larry Sanders Show, Da Ali G Show, 30 Rock, Entourage, East Bound & Down and the list goes on from there).

This year I've literally gone out of my way to watch both of these shows within days after they air. Obviously, with all the Dynex 24" HDTVs and Rocketfish wall mounts, this season is always the busiest for me but here's what I think are the best episodes so far from the shows I'm currently watching:

It's hard for me to picture watching The Office without Steve Carrell. It's a true testament to his acting skills that Michael's childish antics and immature behavior get under your skin and still manage to make you laugh. Viewing Party had a great example of this when Michael, bothered and bored about not being the life of the party, goes downstairs to cut the cable wire to Gabe's TV to ruin the Glee party. When everyone watching is confused and upset, Michael offers to go down and take a look to see if he can fix the problem he created and hopefully look like the hero he so desperately wants to be. Every scene with him played out so well, including the hilarious father-daughter confrontation that happens later between Michael and Erin. Now with all that said, I know I will keep watching The Office after Steve leaves so long as there will be more group heavy storylines like this one and more episodes written by Jon Vitti.

I'm a sucker for many of the episodes that are heavy on a group storyline because I think the show works best when you get a little bit of everyone (including Creed) at a group function (See also: Moroccan Christmas, Dunder Mifflin Picnic, Rabies Fun Run, or Survivor parody). One of my all time favorite group clips is when Dwight does the fire safety drill and you get to watch Angela throw her cat into the roof, Kevin kick in the glass of the vending machine, and Stanley suffer a heart attack. Viewing Party's group dynamic saved what I was considering a pretty slow start to the season and I guess it's just a coincidence that it was the first episode written by famed Simpsons writer, Jon Vitti. Vitti joined the show this year but he's famous for the 25 episodes he wrote for The Simpsons which include Radio Bart, Bart the Lover, and of course, Mr. Plow. Vitti has also written for a few more of my all time favorite shows (Larry Sanders, King of the Hill) so I guess it just makes sense that he'd find his way to The Office. Vitti's influence hopefully means the show will have legs after Steve departs and stays funny as ever.

Not to steal David's thunder for a possible future article, but The Walking Dead is still in its infancy on television and I'm beginning to think this show could run for ten years with the right direction.

Tell It to the Frogs did its part in stirring up a ton of future storylines that will keep you guessing and ultimately entertained for weeks. There were so many reveals in this episode, but I'll start with Rick's wife and her coping with the fact that he's not dead. It wouldn't be a great drama so far if we didn't already get to watch Shane take her into the woods and surprise her with something you could never classify as undead. Not to mention that now Rick is reunited with his family and Shane is out of the picture. Will Shane tell Rick he banged his wife? Will Rick's wife explain the banging? Who knows!

A second reveal came when we got to see some (well deserved) spousal abuse (kidding). Characters Carol and Ed have this love-hate relationship going on; he loves to watch her do women's work, and she hates getting beaten. After a highly questionable Sex in the City moment occurs regarding a vibrator joke (boo!), Ed walks over to Carol and slaps her for having a laugh while doing laundry. Shane sees the slap and beats Ed to a pulp. Will Shane and Ed coexist peacefully? How long will Carol stay with Ed? Only time will tell.

Finally it's time for my favorite reveal of them all: what's his name saws his own hand off on the roof. Forgive me but it's only been three episodes and I can't keep using Wikipedia to remember who the hell any of these people are. Anyways, Rick and them go back to free that racist dude from the roof only to find out that he's gone. Apparently he got close enough to reach the hacksaw and off went his hand from cuffs. I'm particularly interested in his escape and how they plan on reuniting his character with the group. Is he still alive? Will he take someone hostage? How soon before he gets to sleep with Rick's wife? WE JUST DON'T KNOW YET!

Stay tuned for the next edition of Best So Far and have a great weekend everyone.

Friday, I'm In Love: By Abel

2010-11-19T23:43:00.000-08:00

I know I told Mike my contribution to this blog was going to be about songs from the 70's, but seeing as how I'm the elder spokesman of this blog and I was actually born in the 70's, who better than myself to write about things that really chap my ass.

This weeks I'd like to discuss the holidays, mainly the retail industries obsession with black Friday. Now I'm not here to bash holidays, frankly I love turkey, pumpkin pie, tamales, gifts and Christmas lights as much as anyone. Maybe its just me getting older but it seems as though the holiday season creeps in sooner and sooner every year. It's almost as if best buy sets up dump bins with this years pile of shit no one wants hours after the last bag of Halloween candy is being ravaged.

I'm well aware that consumers need holiday sales to quench their thirst for insignia products and st. johns bay ties, but for fuck's sake, have some dignity. I can't seem to begin to comprehend the need for idiots to wait in line for days all while sleeping on the sidewalk and shitting in bushes. And for what? So that a bunch of seasonal employees can set up stacks of shit all over the store resembling the gauntlet on American gladiators, directing you towards the (insert product description here) you saved twenty four dollars on. Congrats fuckstick, you just did away with clean underpants for 72 hours for something that 9 times out of 10 is getting returned Dec 26. They wouldn't even make you wear the same underwear for three days straight as a challenge on fear factor because even a show where they eat worms and roaches knows that's just fucking disgusting.

The only saving grace for me is that every year now it seems as though more and more people are getting mugged while waiting in line or they're getting beat up for their (insert product name here) as they make their way to the car. Maybe its just me but there cant be anything worse than waiting in line in the cold and shitting yourself because you don't want to lose your place in line and miss out on that monster screen cleaner. That's right a grown ass human being is going to spend the day biting their lip and suffering from cold sweats trying to prevent that chocolate thunderstick from destroying their underpants.

So after losing all self respect and finally getting your hands on that teenage mutant ninja turtle van that your son hasn't wanted since 89 and that pentium ll processor compaq netbook, some piece of shit decides to punch you in the gut and take off with the netbook and turtle van. Call me old fashioned but I figure if im ever going to rob someone I'm not waking up before 11 am to do it and I'm sure as hell not going to risk prison time for some bugle boy jeans or a laptop that does less than my cell phone. I mean seriously what has this world come to when people cant even walk across a parking lot carrying a bristol farms fruit cake and a mr coffee without fearing for their lives.

In closing I'd just like to say be careful, be safe and most importantly, be home asleep on Nov 26, because I'm sure as shit not.

- Abel L.

Comics That Should Be Other Things: By David

2010-11-19T11:33:00.000-08:00

Before we jump in, I should take a moment to tell you why this piece came about and what it may turn into. See in 1992 I picked up X-men #4 from the then Lucky's in South Gate, I've loved comics ever since that day. My obsession with funny books as a kid even led me to steal money, but that's a story for another blog. Getting back to my point, in the beginning it was all about the art, but now in my adult years I've found that it's been the story that's made me read them to this day. My epiphany about my love for comics came in this thought, at the core these stories are about what I strive to be; noble, heroic, radioactive...............maybe not so much in the
last part.

What the ipad and digital media will never replace, is the ability to share the best things about comics with everyone I know. In the last four years, I introduced all my friends to the Walking Dead and look at how good the TV show that came out of it is. Most of my issues of that series are at various houses as we speak, needless to say would not allow anyone to hold my giant iphone for that long just to read my comics. For those who think comics are just for kids, these pieces will be geared toward you, in the hope that you'll drop three bucks to pick
up an issue and give it a try.

Being my first piece I'll keep it short but enticing. Walking Dead was an easy sell to be made into a TV show, there's one more story out there that would be just as easy for people to go nuts for. Written by long time Punisher creative team Garth Ennis and Steve Dillon's Preacher is the story of down and out preacher Jesse Custer, who goes on a search across America to (literally) find god, who has abandoned his throne in heaven. How does Jesse know this? Because he becomes possessed by an entity known as Genesis, who is a (graphically detailed I might add) mating of an angel and a demon. What does anyone get by being possessed by something like this? Super powers of course, Jesse's new found voice allows him to control mortal beings by using what's referred to as the voice of GOD. Depicted in the first issue, after witnessing this power, a sheriff who tires to arrest Jesse tells him, "I'm gonna go home now", to which Jesse replies " No, your gonna go fuck yourself." What you get next from the following two pages is not for the faint of heart. This series was a great story of self redemption from dealing with drug abuse, dis functional family, racism and a lot of other social issues.

Then there's Arseface, the son of the sheriff who violated him self. He's a 15 year old Nirvana worshiping teenager, who is horribly deformed after a failed Kurt Cobain copycat suicide attempt. His dad commits suicide after all these events and Arseface vow's revenge on Jesse. How he gets the name Arseface, I won't spoil it but it still makes me laugh to this
day.

Some of the series I write about, you won't enjoy as much as others but I guarantee anyone who is willing to pick up Preacher Vol 1: Gone to Texas will be blown away by how a ridiculous plot can be extremely well written. In fact, if you get this book and don't enjoy it, I will give you a dollar out of my own pocket.

- David N.

New Age Soda

2010-11-15T21:29:00.001-08:00

Ralph's is misleading its customers with a fictional product and I won't stand for it. They claim to have an entire aisle dedicated to something called New Age Soda but it really is just a place for some raspberry flavored iced tea and Fuze overstock.

If there is a soda out there that provides some form of unlimited spiritual well-being then it belongs here. Hell, I'd even take some new sodas that glow in the dark or dance when you clap (Please, creators of soda, make one that glows in the dark and make the can dance when I clap at it). To say that I felt swindled when I saw a bunch of Lipton labels would be an understatement.

As if the idea being non-existent isn't painful enough, I do have my suspicions of how the description for aisle 14A came about:

An overzealous stock boy who found the description "Misc. Beverages" uninspiring.
There were too many new Gatorade flavors for the sales manager to handle
Someone in charge of planograms can't decide where to put Vitamin Water (Near the vitamins or the water??!)
The only guy tall enough to remove New Age Soda from the marquee was off that day
A Redbull vendor truly believes its product gives you actual wings
Merchandising realized Old Age Soda wasn't selling the aisle enough

I didn't find my zen in the New Age Soda aisle at Ralph's but I did find out that it has been a very slow Monday and that all of you had better things to do while I wrote this article. My day off was well spent.

Pixels

2010-11-14T01:30:00.000-08:00

Pixels is the best short video animation-meets-live-action I've seen since Space Jam. The video shows New York being invaded by a few of our favorite classic gaming themes and characters including Pac-Man, Frogger, Donkey Kong, and the aliens from Space Invaders. At less than three minutes the whole video is my favorite scene, but more specifically I love the part where the Tetris line comes together and you get to watch a high rise drop a level and shoot all that dust. Director Patrick Jean writes in his bio that Sony might be interested in a full length adaptation which I'm in favor of. Don't even add dialogue, just add some Pitfall and Centipede animations and you've got my $10 for 90 minutes of cool looking animation. The YouTube video is embedded below but do yourself a favor and click the Dailymotion link for a much better presentation.

(Watch it in higher quality on Dailymotion: http://www.dailymotion.com/video/xcv6dv_pixels-by-patrick-jean_creation)

Psychobilly Sweet Tooth: Introduction

2010-11-14T00:03:00.000-08:00

I asked Mike, the head of IEC, if I could first write an introductory piece for my column. The reason was simple - I didn’t have enough time to think of something to review or write about so I needed a professional way to cop out.

However, in my bi-monthly column I will bring you a review of various candy found in stores, some rare, some not. Candy is a big part of my life, be it chocolate bars or lifesavers. The various fillings in my mouth, and the root canal I’ll be getting soon could tell you all about it. It’s sad, but toothpaste and floss can only do so much when you eat sweets like I do. It’s similar to that of a four year old without any parental supervision.

I would like to describe and inform you on all my favorite candy out there, and also tell you what to stay away from. There is also plenty of new items popping up in 711s every other week that are either worth trying, or just a bunch pretzels and nougat smashed together in a shitty chocolate casing.

Will each candy column degenerate into a rant about politics, baseball, and why you should be watching Mad Men? Yeah, probably. Will my eventual case of diabetes cause my column to come to an end? Absolutely. But for the time being, we’ll enjoy a weekly dose of Psychobilly Sweet Tooth.

Daniel

Red Rain by Abel L.

2010-11-12T01:04:00.000-08:00

So yesterday I had the dubious distinction of having spent a decade working at best buy. After coming to the terms with the fact that my 20's, probably the best years of my life have been wasted there, I struggle with the thought that even though I have hated every second there, Ive met and become friends with some of the most amazing people I will ever encounter in my life.

Now that Ive gotten the gay out of my system, on to more more pressing issues. Monday November 8, a date that will live forever in the hearts and minds of best buy employees, the project team and the staff at the Downey regional medical center, I Abel Lozano almost got transferred to the big best buy in the sky. That's right, me, the duke of pricing, chancellor of keepers, sultan of Sunday ad sets, the Michael Jordan of new releases, the Maradona of truck unloading, the man who operates a telxon with the precision of a brain surgeon, almost died.

While helping a fellow employee get media baskets down from above the gondolas in the warehouse, I was struck in the head by an avalanche of metal and suffered a laceration to my head. It felt as though God himself put on a gauntlet and hit me with his best overhand right. After quickly brushing that shot off, I quickly realized I was gushing blood like a geyser at Yellowstone. Fortunately its me we're talking about so with some quick thinking I put some cd labels, bundle bands, a keeper and some best buy tape to good use. After making my way to the restroom to look in the mirror (Sorry for calling you a fucking idiot Ozzie, but next time get out of my god damn way) I noticed the hole in my head resembled a cavern Indiana Jones would make his way out of, I also looked like a circuit city employee because my shirt was now covered in B negative.

A couple of minutes later after I was talked out of using zip ties and double sided tape to close the wound, the employees drew straws to see who would get to drive me to the hospital. (thanks Juan) While in the E.R, I was consoled by the doctor asking me my two cents on buying a 3D t.v. now or waiting a couple more weeks. Unfortunately I wasn't able to explain to him connectivity or use trust as I was occupied with the synergies he was putting in my skull. After the doctor finished sewing me up better than a nine year old Vietnamese girl in a osh kosh b'gosh sweat shop, back to work I went.

Well today we had a visit from the district staff and I realized just how incredibly amazing I am and here's proof.
1. The reason I got hit in the head was probably because the warehouse was full of shit and it need to get cleaned up in hurry for the visit.
2. The shelf got me right on the hairline, so even with stitches it hard to see. It just looks like my hair.
3. Last but not least, the warehouse was a complete cluster fuck before I went to the hospital, pallets everywhere! But just as Willis Reed inspired the knicks to beat the lakers, Kirk Gibson giving the dodgers the will to beat the athletics, I Abel Lozano, (not unlike a phoenix rising from the ashes) whose misfortune got the truck done, warehouse cleaned up and had best buy employees believing in heroes once again.

- Abel L.

Unemployment Fun Zone: Fast Food Frenzy

2010-11-10T15:01:00.000-08:00

Welcome to the first of what I'm calling Unemployment Fun Zone. This column is the brain child of a consensus formed by the owner of the blog your reading and his delinquent friends and it will be dedicated to finding people the best things to do for little or no money. In the coming weeks, you'll learn how to see free movies, get free memorabilia that can be resold for 100 percent profit, and how to throw a party for less than twenty dollars.

For our inauguration and in honor of Jack in the Box's two taco giveaway on 11-16-10, I've decided to spotlight some of history's most recent fast food giveaways.

Fast-food chains are practically giving away food these days—that is, when they are not actually offering free food. I find myself having a weekly buck double from Burger King these days, de-lish!!! Think about this, who among us can forget how crazy the nation went during KFC's introduction of their grilled chicken? I remember my friends breaking the button on their mouse and seeing the forehead indentations on everyone's desk as they all tried to score that redeemable piece of paper that KFC server crashes made almost impossible.

Among the scariest free food giveaways, was Denny's free grand slam breakfast. This town riots for basketball victories, unjustified beatings and free food giveaways. That morning was no exception, the way we all watched the news to see hundreds of people form street stopping lines for two pieces of bacon and a stale pancake was mesmerizing. The last time I stopped to watch the news for that long was during 9-11.

My all time favorite giveaway is one few people know about, often times Chic -fil- a restaurants give a free breakfast or they do a bring your receipt back a month from now for the exact same thing for free. It's the best thing you could do for practically nothing but a few minutes of your time.

These gems of free food in the rough don't just serve as shameless promotions, they can be date time for high school kids, a weeks worth of lunches for starving students and just a great conversation piece.

- David N.

Hawaiian Kettle Style Potato Chips Luau BBQ: Good Source of Vitamin C

2010-11-10T14:43:00.000-08:00

About 13 Hawaiian BBQ kettle chips provide 6% of your daily Vitamin C requirement. This is good news considering I'm almost done eating the entire 8oz bag all by myself. These are by far the best chips known to man kind and the description on the back proves it:

Discover a new world of flavor when you crunch into these crispy golden chips. Created one batch at a time to deliver the freshness and authenticity only found in Hawaiian Style Chips. Cooked to perfection, and seasoned to give you the authentic taste that only an open fire barbeque can give you. Open a bag of Hawaiian Style Potato Chips, and let yourself be swept away to a tropical paradise of beautiful sunset luaus. Mahalo.

It's too bad that Tim's Cascade Snacks is actually located in Algona, WA and there are no Hawaiian born employees on their payroll. Probably.

Gaming Again

2010-11-08T23:07:00.000-08:00

A brief look back:

1991: My parents buy me a Nintendo Entertainment System complete with Super Mario Bros. and Duck Hunt. Watching my dad try to figure out how the RF Modulator works when setting up the NES is hands down one of my favorite all-time memories. Anyways, the collection of games grows to at least 30 and a few years later my sister takes everything including that crappy third party super controller with the super A and B buttons and put it on the front lawn.

1999: After several disappointing Christmas' pass and I miss out on SNES, Sega Genesis, Dreamcast, Jaguar, Virtual Boy, XBOX, and the first Playstation I take matters into my own hands and purchase a used Nintendo 64 from Daniel. Once again I build a great collection of games thanks to the lowered prices and Gamecube craze. Everything sells on eBay for a solid gain and Daniel sees a portion of the profits throughout the coming years.

2001-ish: Counter Strike sends me and a few friends from high school to an internet cafe where we pay $4 to use a PC for 2 hours with a few hundred other idiots. My favorite part about that game was knowing how awful I am at first-person shooters and ruining any chances my team had at winning.

2006?: Once again I'm in control and forfeit the option of buying an XBOX 360 or PS3 and go with a Wii. MarioKart and Super Smash Bros. excluded, the system was a great idea but didn't have enough adult content to last so it too went the way of eBay. I don't really regret the decision but I will say that playing MarioKart online with everyone from work was a blast.

2009-2010: A PS3 and XBOX 360 Elite were purchased and life is good.

No, I'm not in line for the midnight release of Call of Duty: Black Ops. A hidden zombie mode isn't enough to make me buy this game any time soon specifically because I am terrible at anything related to Call of Duty. I don't hate first-person shooters but I am aware that I do usually suck at them compared to anyone else playing online. Halo proved to be fun for about thirty days but after getting crushed by tweens over XBOX Live and giving up on a pretty boring storyline I'm back to playing my current favorites: Fallout: New Vegas, Fable III and Little Big Planet.

I love these video games the way I love my favorite movies. The experience, especially from the Fallout series, is everlasting. These games were made for people like me who enjoy an open universe and beginner's curve that lets you learn how to get better without feeling emasculated. A good fifteen hours has been dedicated to all three of the video games listed above and the true staying power is in the possibilities. At what I thought was the ending of Fable III you become King and have to make a whole set of decisions that create a brand new experience. Pardon or execute the tyrant? Raise taxes? Keep the promises you made along your journey? I'm not even close to the end.

One thing that's been bothering me is the fact that my new favorite games supposedly require no skill. Compared to Call of Duty, Fallout: New Vegas is a cake walk I'm told. First-person shooters require quick reflexes and mental agility where as an RPG requires a lot of reading, roaming, and time. The no-skills argument still doesn't sit well with me because I think fans of first-person shooters don't have the patience for an RPG and dismiss it immediately. At best it's still an apples and oranges discussion that can continue in the comments section. Either way, I'm back at the video game helm for good right now. Bring on the Radscorpians!

First Bad Omen

2010-11-08T12:04:00.000-08:00

According to all Facebook sources, IEC contributor Abel is recovering fine after a shelf at work tried to take him out. This scare comes just hours after (see below) the relaunching of Infinite Et Cetera which can only mean one thing: bad idea. Posting will be temporarily suspended until I check on the safety and status of all other contributors.

In the mean time, we send Abel best wishes to a speedy recovery.

It's All Coming Back To Me Now

2010-11-07T23:57:00.000-08:00

We're back.

After an extended hiatus Infinite Et Cetera returns with more content, contributors, updates, and general nothingness. Spearheaded by the celebration of one man being freed from his telxon, a consensus formed that helped breathe new life into this blog and will hopefully keep it alive from here on out. While I continue writing my two-page apology for suspending the blog here's a guide that explains what to expect from IEC in the future:

Updates in terms of reality: The truth is I work more than I should because I'm a chump with too many bills. That just means you can expect most of my personal contributions to be posted on my off days which are usually Monday and Wednesday.
Features: While we may have guest contributors from time to time, the main contributors to IEC signed new contracts that meet certain deadlines for their featured articles. Here's a brief overview of what those will look like:

Contributor: David N.
Feature: Providing plenty of musings that involve comic books, food, movies, and a tentative feature known as "Tips On How To Survive With Zero Income" that may or may not include a forward by Danny A.
Updated: Weekly, possibly daily.

Contributor: Abel L.
Feature: "70's Song of the Week". Mostly ABBA songs.
Updated: Weekly.

Contributor: Danny A.
Feature: "Candy Review of the Week". More imaginative titles for the article would include I'll Take You To The Candy Shop, Danny's Candies, Psychobilly Sweet Tooth, Zombie Zugar, etc;
Updated: Weekly.

Telxon of Freedom Award: Finally, I've created the Telxon of Freedom award in light of recent events. Essentially it's an award that any of the contributors can use at their disposal to highlight any acts of bravery, freedom, or simply anything that is pretty awesome. This week I have personally nominated David to receive a Telxon of Freedom Award and expect an acceptance speech in the near future. Well done sir and accept your prize below...

As ABBA Would Say...

2010-01-30T23:49:00.000-08:00

One year and about two hundred posts later I'm throwing in the towel and waving so long to Infinite Et Cetera.If there's anything left to share or say I'm positive it'll be on some other media like Facebook or Twitter, or neither. My intentions were mostly self-serving since I love to write and didn't expect any outside participation, but I'm glad I could write about some common interests that everyone enjoyed (fuck spiders). In short, thanks to everyone who contributed or participated along the way. I'm glad you were able to kill some time or have a laugh.

So long.

2010 & A Possible Rebirth

2010-01-09T22:43:00.000-08:00

The eight, maybe nine, people who read this blog are close enough to me to figure out why I havn't updated the blog regularly since August of 2009. In summary, I'm with someone I love, I'm having more fun, and I'm doing more shit that makes me happy and takes me away from work. I didn't purposely give up on blogging (How dare you, Abel), my time was simply better spent elsewhere. All the rest of the details can be pieced together via my Facebook or Twitter pages as you may have read. With that said, I'll be making more of an effort to write here in 2010 because it's something I still enjoy doing. The blog will keep a similar form; I read/listen/watch things and comment on them in an entertaining way. I'll continue to post useless information and embarrassing stories about myself because they're funny and it just makes sense. By the way, if you can spell embarrassing without using spell check you are my hero. Thank you Firefox for removing the dotted red underlining from most of my words.

So until next time, here is a video I've been watching over and over and over...:

Oyasumi nasia!

They Did The Mash

2009-10-21T09:15:00.000-07:00

The rumors are true. White people really love Halloween. If you've driven down my street at any point this past week after 10pm it should be easy to spot my house. While every other sane family has turned out their house lights and gone to sleep there's still one porch lit up like a runway with fluorescent bats and Christmas lights.

This is where white people live.

It doesn't stop at Christmas lights, though. There are wooden grave stones dug into the lawn, spooky decals on the main window, and a glowing skeleton near the driveway. This is where white people live. Actually, this is where an unemployed white person lives. Looking for work, not productive. Buying fake spiders and setting decorations, productive. I don't see the logic but I'll move on.

Other than the use of countless decorations and unnecessary energy consumption, there are bags and bags of candy. I've seen the kids on this block and the last thing they need is more candy. Whatever happened to the white people in cartoons and on television that lived up to lame Halloween giveaways like fruits, vegetables, and small bags of pennies? Not to mention that the cassette player (yes, cassette player) will soon be positioned near the porch window with a Halloween sound effects tape just itching to be played with the quality that only mono sound can provide. 'Tis the season.

Wounds Bleeding Blue

2009-10-21T07:44:00.000-07:00

Despite what The Pride of Inglewood claims on his Twitter feed I am not to blame for the Dodgers current woes. Sure, I was responsible for a loss that one night at Maggie's where I gave everyone no-hitter updates every third of an inning. I'll even take the fall for ending Chad Billingsley's bid for a no-hitter due to one innocent tweet (see below) but there is no way this three games to one madness is my fault.

I havn't watched any game in its entirety since the playoffs started let alone attend either of the two games here in Los Angeles. There have been no tweets, no blogs, no comments what so ever that would in any way jinx the playoff run.

Infinite Et Cetera's unofficial correspondent Mario does have a more interesting theory regarding the current state of Dodger nation that is centered around the removal of King Taco from the upper deck concourse at Dodger Stadium years ago. Because I was threatened with legal recourse I'm not allowed to copy and paste his journal entry from Myspace onto my blog, but I will post the link to it here. Now that I've absolved myself of any wrong doing here's that five minute clip from The Natural that will make us all feel a little better:

Happy Birthday Scott Eric Weinger

2009-10-05T01:13:00.000-07:00

By the show's end, D.J. is eighteen years old and a senior in high school. In the final episode, she is going to her prom, but the date Kimmy had arranged for her wasn't able to make it. D.J. is disappointed, thinking she is going to miss the prom, but Kimmy surprises her with another date she managed to scrounge up. D.J. is afraid to ask who it is, but at that moment, Steve walks in, dressed in a tux and ready to go. D.J. happily runs to him and they hug. Both say they have missed each other and share a kiss. It's unknown whether or not the two of them got back together.

Happy 34th Birthday Steve. Nelson meant nothing to DJ.