Final Hours of 2010

As usual, I got too busy/lazy to complete my Ridiculous New Years Resolutions articles that I promised to have up five days ago. I have some crazy suspicion that nobody was checking daily to see if I'd follow through so I guess everybody wins.

I'm still unsure of where I'll be or what I'll be doing when the clock strikes midnight so here are tonight's odds accompanied above by my favorite Black Keys song from 2010:


1,000,000/1: Playing Yahtzee. Seriously, nobody understands this game. I once got a Showdown: Yahtzee boardgame for Christmas and tried to learn the rules. Are you kidding me? I have to do what with three dice, then take two dice and not do that same thing or I'll lose. What?

1,000/1: Singing Karaoke. I learned my lesson. Not happening.

100/1: Getting Rich. Not sure how this would happen. Maybe as I'm being picked up from a pool of my own vomit I find out that I've had some gold coin lodged in my stomach for a few years and now it has surfaced to bring me fortune.

25/1: Crying. Realizing the fact that I didn't meet my goal of reading at least one book this year or complete an entire excerise/work-out, I break down in the silence of my bathroom.

10/1: I Become Shirtless. This acts as a side bet if the 5/1 odd goes too far (see below).

5/1: I Get Drunk. Somebody shoved a Blue Moon and some Jack Daniels in my face and forced me to be Irish again.

2/1: I'm Sleeping. As the cold drool rolls down my cheek onto the pillow case I don't move a muscle as Picolo Pete's are lit by every neighbor within a two mile radius.

1/1: I'm Hugging. Awwwwwwwwwww <3!


Let it also be known that on the eve of 2010 I conquered the Beef Crunch Burrito with Flamin' Hot Fritos and figured out what the lyrics were to that song everyone sings at midnight.

Should auld acquaintance be forgot,
And never brought to mind?
Should auld acquaintance be forgot
And auld lang syne?

- Mike O.

2011: The Future Is Now

Since Michael already did a 2010 year in review, I figure I'd try my hand and fortune telling and predict some of the things we at infinite etc have to look forward to next year. After all, whats the worse than can happen, I'm right? Ha, I couldn't predict the winner of a Harlem globetrotter/Washington general game.

First of we'll start with David I see great things in his future, he'll still be unemployed. The upside to that is because he'll be busy making the rounds on game shows. After coming in second place on "Survivor", David manages to tarnish his image just a bit after getting dragged off of the set of "Are you smarter than a 5th grader" after he gives Jeff Foxworthy the finger and tells the 5th grader to "suck my motherfucking dick, you little bitch." Fortunately the grass really is greener on the other side and MTV decides to give Dave his own show called "I hate little bitch 5th graders, they can suck my motherfucking dick" its a working title.

Mike will finally realize that JC Penney and Kohl's aren't the only stores that sell ties and dress shirts. He will also become big t's(Tony Baugess) right hand man and get promoted to manager, as Michael's reign of install and black tie protection terror begins, his first act as manager will be to hire Danny as home theatre supervisor. Finally I see Michael coming up on some money and opening up a Rum Jungle in Cerritos where he will unfortunately have way too many jello shots and throw up all over the place, but that's after sitting down and stealing a young lady's chair.

Danny will still not have a job, he'll get hired by Michael sometime later that year so it's cool. This blog will still not get a candy bar review from him.

Finally I, Abel, will still work a bestbuy except it'll be under a new gm, Kenji. I'll finally have a new car, unfortunately it'll be broken into and stolen within the first week. I will somehow manage to be hurt at work again and I'll be forced to have the deaf kid drive me to the hospital.

There you have it folks, 2011 in a nutshell for the infinite etc staff. who knows maybe 2012 will finally bring us a review from Danny.

- Abel.

Ridiculious New Year's Resolution #5: Going Vegetarian

Counting down to new years wouldn't be the same unless I explored some of the all time greatest most-likely-to-fail resolutions you could ever imagine. Today, at the ripe hour of 3:41am, I present to you Ridiculous New Years Resolution #5: Quitting meat cold turkey and turning a new leaf as vegetarian.

I've never intentionally tried going a day without eating an animal, it occurs by default. I could be too lazy to cook something or even more lazy to not want to pick up the phone and order pizza. Do you know how many syllables there are in pepperoni or how many times I've had cereal for dinner? A 48 hour diet that consists of Cheez-Its, trail mix, Pringles, and iced tea is not that uncommon and it's nothing that I celebrate as a true test of restraint. It just happens.

If you operate on that kind of level, where being a vegetarian is not a conscious effort you've promised to abide by for moral obligations or otherwise, then I suggest you not make the leap this new years. If it's the end of December and you just watched Supersize Me, Fast Food Nation, and Earthlings with your new Netflix membership slowly wipe away the tears and continue eating those delicious leftovers before you go making foolish promises.

There's an easier approach that most so-called vegetarians live by. Make a simpler resolution like having a better diet or maybe just not eating as much pig's feet as you did before. Most "vegetarians" I know still get by every once in a while and cheat by eating chicken nachos or turkey sandwiches. Start there. Move away from the pig and the cow and work your way up to the feathered and scaled. Don't dive right in, take small bites (yum!).

Stay tuned for the next ridiculous resolutions as we make our way to numero uno.

2010: Year In Review

Fix yourself an Arnold Palmer, reheat those boneless chicken wings, try to dim that swirly looking energy efficient light bulb and prepare to waste the next few minutes for infinite amounts of et cetera courtesy of yours truly as I look back at some memorable items from 2010.

Disappointments and Let Downs:

Biggest IEC Disappointment: In November, IEC contributor Daniel promised us bi-monthly blog entries for his Psychobilly Sweet Tooth feature but we’ve yet to see one official submission. His penance will be a five-hundred word essay on why he finds joy in teasing us all. We feel like the dog who chases that which was never thrown. Please, stop flinching your wrist and throw the ball.

Biggest Personal Disappointment: In the two months leading up to April I was sick at least once a week, throwing up what looked like ground up coffee beans and lemon flavored Gatorade. The attacks were usually brought on by the consumption of spicy foods at very late hours. What felt like shards of glass dipped in Tabasco sauce rolled around inside my body for at least a few weeks until one day at work I threw up blood, turned a lighter shade of Simpsons yellow, and got sent to the emergency room. The fact that it took me so long to get right and also assuming the issue would resolve itself on its own earned me the Gallstone of Shame award (opposite of the Telxon of Freedom award).

Biggest Global or National Disappointment: The BP oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico takes top honors and is self explanatory. For them, the city of New Orleans hadn’t suffered enough. In a distant second are all the millions of people who watched or were involved in the making of Jersey Shore, Grown Ups, American Idol, Tooth Fairy, or Yogi Bear.

Burst of the Worst:

Worst Birthday Present: Getting chainsawed in Gears of War 2 by Veronica.

Worst Food Related Idea: It’s a tie between my decision to eat a green chili pepper at Narai Thai and the time I tried to make chicken tenders in a frying pan and used way too much salt. Leave the cooking to the real chefs at Norm’s.

Worst Experience In A Car: Even though I wasn’t driving I’ll never forget the time someone decided to take flash photography at night while on a busy freeway. In case you hadn’t heard, having a flash go off while you do 80 on the 101 isn’t the best idea. How somebody over the age of 40 thought it was appropriate to go paparazzi on some sky scrapers while in the backseat of a compact car I’ll never know.

Worst City Visited: Unfortunately my line of work calls for the occasional trip out of town. Last year I was sent to Phoenix and this year I had the pleasure of experiencing Orlando. Avoid going here at all costs. We already have Disneyland, Universal Studios, and lots of sunshine. My dad visited the majority of Florida many years ago and what he told me was true: There are millions of bugs everywhere and if you walk outside of an air conditioned room you will immediately begin to sweat. You can’t go anywhere without feeling like you’re trapped inside of a plastic bag. The claims of extreme humidity are completely accurate and you’ll need to shower a minimum of three times a day. Orlando is pointless if you live in Los Angeles.

Achievements and Triumphs:

Biggest IEC Achievement: The return! After a meeting of the minds and some playful arm twisting Infinite Et Cetera regained its place in the blogosphere. It’s good to be back and see the increase in page views. Every time you click refresh an angel gets its wings. Anyways, it wouldn’t have been made possible without the other contributors so thank you all for your help in the rebirth.

Biggest Personal Achievement: I don’t know how long it was supposed to take for me to learn how to use chopsticks, but this year I fucking nailed it. I practiced often and tried to find the right balance especially when picking up sushi pieces. I’ve eaten more Japanese cuisine simply because I’m no longer embarrassed to ask for a fork.

Biggest Global or National Achievement: In August the H1N1 (Swine Flu) pandemic was officially declared over and in October thirty-three miners that were trapped in a Chilean mine were rescued after being stuck for 69 days. But the real achievement is the fact that only 0.0064% of the United States population paid to watch Tom Cruise and Cameron Diaz in Knight and Day. The film grossed just $20 million dollars opening weekend and at ten dollars a ticket that meant that just two million people out of 311 million saw the movie. Last year I wrote about how disappointed I was to see that Paul Blart: Mall Cop made close to $40 million dollars opening weekend and now, thankfully, America has redeemed itself just a little.

You’re Simply The Best:

Best IEC Related Moment: At David’s going away party everyone was in good spirits, including the man of honor himself as he performed the infamous DX crotch chopping gesture in my direction. Thank you for that memory David.

Best Discovery: Sushi.

Best Rediscovery: Hawaiian BBQ Kettle Chips.

Biggest (Best?) Surprise: I still can’t believe how many hospital bills I received after having gallbladder surgery. I got a bill from the hospital, a bill from the nurses, bills from all the doctors, surgeons, anesthesiologists, consultants, and the entire god damn medical community. I would’ve trashed the hospital room Vegas style had I known I’d be billed over one thousand dollars for three days and two nights. And that’s without ordering any expensive hot dogs, Bud Lights, chicken wings, or pornography.

Best Amusement Park Moment: While walking through the haunted house at Universal Studios I was accompanied by a terrified anonymous person who was clinging to the center of my back as we slowly trotted past actors in make-up who popped out of dark unknown corners. Normally I’d poke fun at the reaction of this person but seeing as how I’m still afraid of spiders and kicked the air while shouting “Oh Shit!” after being surprised in a well lit room I’m going to lay off.

Best Way To Feel Like An Embarrassed Douche/Ass: When I quit excessive drinking in March I assumed that meant my fear of looking a fool was mostly over with. After all, I set the bar high over the past 12 months by throwing up in my girlfriend’s brother-in-law’s rose garden after drinking an entire bottle of Jack Daniels or by referring to who I assumed to be a female customer as “Sir” at least three times only to be sternly corrected. Instead, my experiences with the XBOX Kinect or Playstation Move are the 2010 winners of this category. Take for example my dancing performance to Lady Gaga’s Poker Face. Never have I ever had to choreograph moving my shoulder in towards my knee while seconds later fist-pumping three times in succession followed by an arms-folded lean back motion. Seeing the words “flawless” light up in neon pink on the screen and watching the recap of my horrible dancing moves captured via mini-cam didn’t help me feel any better. I won’t go into detail either about how horrible I was at Playstation Move’s Frisbee golf challenge but you can imagine how great I looked doing it.

Best Vacation Moment: This year I drove the farthest I’d ever driven and made way to Las Vegas for St. Patrick’s Day. While my girlfriend and I were dancing (no I wasn’t) to some Lil’ John song at Club Rok some Archie-looking white guy walked over to us and screamed “Yeahhhh!” as he put his hand on both of us. Even though I ended up winning $500 from a slot machine I still think that random act takes the cake.

That wraps up my recap of 2010. There’s a lot more that happened and deserved an award but I’m on page two of a Word file which means that any more writing would put you all to sleep if it hasn’t already.

- Mike O.

Iron Man is Mr. Peanut

For 94 years the beloved Planters company logo has remained silent. Until now.

Robert Downey Jr. is the first voice of Mr. Peanut and (if it's even possible to even do so in a thiry second commercial) he nails the role perfectly. I've seen the commercial a few times on Hulu but never recognized it was him. I'm loving the new claymation Mr. Peanut and will celebrate this occasion tomorrow when I buy that Planters tropical trail mix for $9 at 7-11. Freeze-dried pineapple and lightly salted dried banana will make this the merriest of Christmassesses.

- Mike O.

December Rain: You Are Not Axl Rose

This is dedicated to everyone who suddenly turns into Shakespeare at the slightest drops of rain.

Stop!

I hate going on facebook, twitter or any sight where people are bombastically putting up useless rain forecast or failed attempts at haiku's about the "storm watch". Thanks to the recent invention of the window, I am able to see the weather conditions as they happen without being in it. I hope Johnny Mountain punches you all in the ovaries for trying to usurp his job. In addition I don't need your status update laying in bed "listening to the rain". What exactly am I suppose to do with this information? Stop talking about how the rain makes you think deeply, remember you were not the person in Gun's and Roses November Rain video. Please understand if the rain is the only thing that can turn you into Hemingway, then chances are you suck at putting your thoughts into words on a regular basis. If you don't understand the last reference then point proven. Listening to your rain gutters clog is not going to fix that, make some soup or turn on a TV. A change in weather is not going to help you redeem yourself from that D- you got in your 3rd grade English book report on Judy Blume's Runaway Ralph. Stop talking about how much you love the rain if your just on your phone and not willing to venture out in it. There are a lot of people that have to go out in this weather and your sudden deep insights won't stop them from skidding across two intersections on MLK or Atlantic. If your going to express yourself do it on a daily basis, not because you decided to pretend to seize the day and curl up in your blankets. Even if it's only to give this post the finger

UFZ: The Green Hornet Strikes

Like the courageous Britt Reid, my personal Kato and I braved the apocalyptic sprinkle outside to watch Seth Rogen's adaptation of The Green Hornet.

For those too lazy to open a new tab and google Green Hornet, it's a tale of disgruntled underachieving bad ass Britt Reid. In a similar manner to DC comics Bruce Wayne, he inherits his fathers empire after a suspicious family murder. In an attempt to prove he's not a waste of skill he becomes the crime fighter known as (over exaggerated voice here) Greeeeen Horrrnet. This was not what was thespianized on the screen tonight

After seeing the comic con footage, reading the awesome Kevin Smith version of the story and being disappointed by Carls Jr's chicken tenders needless to say my expectations for this movie were not high by any means. Especially when your tag line is, Written by the team that brought you such dynamic action films as Knocked Up, Superbad, and the FortyYear Old Virgin?

From the beginning I wanted to hate Seth Rogen's portrayal of antagonist Britt Reid. In fact I hated the fat kid that portrayed the young Britt Reid in the movies opening flashback. Let's move on, it's now and Britt is a slacker / playboy who continues to piss his father off. After his fathers death, he's somehow forced to take over the family business. (Let this be a lesson make a will) Around this time we're introduced to his fathers mechanic/ coffee maker Kato. In order to piss off his father even more the two become the comedic crime duo Green Hornet and the nameless sidekick. Insert mob plot that intersects with his fathers death and add a Kato Green hornet fight with conflict resolution. Finish it off with an ingenious plan to take down the mob and ice it with a very entertaining blues brothers like car chase and you have the green hornet in 30 seconds.

The best part of the movie and the star in my opinion, is the Black Beauty itself. A 57 Chrysler that would make anyone feel like a bad ass and makes me want to go to Carl's Jr and buy a large drink so I can win it. I can't do it justice you just have to see it to believe it.

The best way to describe the portrayal of Britt Reid is Seth basically made the guy from Pinapple express into a millionaires son, that's the extent of the character. In a stupid way it's genius, he doesn't stretch himself into another character instead Seth Rogen makes the character into himself because hey, if your old enough to remember the Green Hornet radio show your either dead or a head in a cryogenic freezer. Cameron Diaz is barley worth mentioning, I kept waiting for Edward James Olmos to say Cal culus. The only great performance was Kato who constantly walked the line between broken English Asian and total bad ass. James Franco makes a cameo early on that I hope he was paid more for than Cameron or Edward James got combined.

In the end, this movie doesn't hurt or elevate the comic book hero genre. It's simple to follow plot, over piled on comedy and well choreographed action scenes make it entertaining, that is if you know nothing previous of the characters. It's not a movie that's going to be in any ones top ten it's just going to entertain you for a little over 90 min. ( Not don't be fooled by 3D, it doesn't make a difference here)

Unemployment FUN Zone factor 3 out of 5 ( movie free, 2 bucks parking, 10 dollar cooks torta)

This movie 3 out of 5.

Fear of hydroplaning on the freeway 1 out of 5.

If your looking for a campy movie to take a date to see this. If you want the definitive Green Hornet story go read Kevin Smith's comic book version which still contains plenty of dick jokes.

- David N.

Operation LA Storm Watch 2010: The Quest For Sane Journalists

Contrary to what you've seen on KCAL, we're all going to survive these droplets of water from the heavens. The same things that normally happen in Los Angeles when it rains are going on as we speak and I survived all of them earlier today:

• I hydroplaned on the following freeways: 605, 105, 710, and 91. I especially lost control on the 91 West to 710 North on ramp but thanks to the crazy idea of two-handed steering I was able to contain the beast that is a 2007 Toyota Corolla Sport.
• The mall parking lots were crowded for some unknown reason (what the hell is going on??!) and pedestrians were rightfully soaked when standing idly by the curb.
• After wiping all the dust off my defroster button it turns out that it still works.
• Blinking red street lights allowed the cars at the intersection of Imperial and Garfield to perform the choreographed dance known as alternating.
  
• Some giant white truck waiting for my parking spot in front of Forever 21 had to hold on for an extra five minutes as I stalled for no apparent reason in the spirit of Christmas.
• Lines everywhere. I waited patiently as cashiers frazzled by business checks and Canadian quarters were trying to contain their tears.

Traffic and rain, rain and traffic. This happens maybe ten days out of the year so don't take Dallas Raines' forecast for the apocalypse too serious.

Top 10 Last Minute Gift Ideas

I know it's been a while since I last posted, I'm sure the tens of thousands of you who read this blog probably lost sleep at night wondering whats going on? Well it was a combination of things really, and before the rumors begin to circulate about me wrapping myself in red and green shrink wrap and and trying to hang myself with the big joe safety harness, that's simply not true. The odds of best buy safety equipment actually working properly and preventing injury rather than cause it are astronomical. The reason the Cliff Lee of product process hasn't contributed to this blog is because your boy had the flu and to make matters worse, after getting over it, my computer decided to take a shit. R.I.P 933Mhz, 128Mb memory compaq presario, these past nine years have been great, you will be missed.

With Jesus' birthday being less than 10 days away, if you're anything like me, the thought of shopping hasn't even crossed your mind. In fact I've actually done my shopping on the 24th on 2 different occasions. Which leads my to the thought of who better than to write about great last minute gifts than yours truly. these items are in no particular order, but here we go.

-Crappy video game out of the 19.99 and under bestbuy dumpbin.
nothing helps spread more holiday cheer than giving someone a gem like deadliest catch for the xbox 360 or cooking mama world tour for the wii.

-Criss Angel magic set.
The real trick is not becoming a big douche like that guy.

-Shake weight.
It's like cranking one out, minus the satisfaction. Don't judge me!

-Gift card.
What better way then to show the holiday spirit then by picking up a gift card at Ralph's while buying yams.

-Snuggie.
A blanket with sleeves, need I say more.

-Wildly colored sweater from Macy's.
Why go with a orange or electric blue cardigan you say? Because all the normal colors are sold out by now.

-Socks.
Who doesn't want the self confidence that comes with having socks that are matching and lacking holes.

-Anything from the Bristol farms kiosk at the mall.
Hooray for sausage!

-Hot topic t-shirts.
Who wouldn't want to be the guy at the bar with the tony the tiger t-shirt, that's so rad.

-Crappy cd/dvd out of the bargain bin.
Imagine the look of joy as your secret Santa unwraps the Ray Parker jr ghostbusters cd, or that cinematic gem "glitter"

There you have it folks, I just simplified your last minute shopping experience, your welcome. Time to unwrap some tamales, happy Kwanzaa.

- Abel.

Unemployment Fun Zone: Early Tron Review

Twenty years ago a movie was released that changed.........absolutely nothing. The original Tron was boring to anyone who ever had sex with a girl.

Today I got to see the sequel Tron Legacy and I got the same feeling all over again. After seeing the previews and taking part in the marketing games, I had hopes for this new tron movie to out do it's predecessor by leaps and bounds. On some levels it accomplishes this, the look of the world of tron alone is a win. However this movie really did not make great use of 3D effects, simply changing the angles on the light cycles or better cameras on the disc games would have been a hundred times more immerse than the bland "commin at cha vision" that plagued it's effects. The one redeeming thing about the movie was it's music. Former KROQ DJ Jason Bentley and Daft Punk do an amazing score that stays true to the feel from start to finish. In fact the best part of the movie is watching Daft Punk at the end of the line club. One major bright spot Olivia Wilde is awesome and the only actress in Hollywood that I think is Hot!

I won't spoil much but the story lacks any kind of emotional tie, I just don't ever believe that Kevin and Sam are happy to see each other. Too many plot holes especially when it comes to the character of Tron. The end of the movie is too predictable and for a movie that's suppose to spawn more sequels it's leaves nothing for any of the protagonist to build on. Come on Disney, there was no need for a pirates 2 or 3, a third mighty ducks, or a second tron.

Want to see better movies watch The Dark Knight and Inception again. Tron doesn't need your money, it will be number one this weekend no matter what. I saw this movie for free tonight and I still want my money back and not to mention the six hours of my life overhearing fat nerd girls and gay computer dweebs talk about their favorite family guy moments and how they would write a tron themed episode of Futurama. This was the only point in my life I envied the deaf.

Movie itself 2 out of 5.

Pre screening Fun zone factor 1 out of 5.

- David N.

---

[Editor's Note: I honestly can't wait to see Tron: Legacy. Obviously I'll have to judge for myself and be held to an "I told you so" if things go sour, but those neon jumpsuits are too much to pass up. I don't plan on seeing it in 3D although that might change considering everything I've read about the plot. Add to this that I've never seen the original Tron. The first I heard of it was via The Simpsons Halloween special years ago. Let the onscreen laser tagging begin!]

Unemployment Fun Zone : Come on Down!

The place: Television City Ca at the Bob Barker Studio

The when: Yesterday (Editor's Note: David means Monday December 6th and not Friday the 10th but I've been busy so eat it. David also refused to include a picture so I picked one out that we'd all enjoy.)

One of the things I've always wanted to do was be on a game show. In my kick about living life, it occurred to me, if not now, when? The experience was what I expected to get out of it, but there were so many details the TV fools people on. First the studio is no bigger than an average AMC theater and Drew Carey is thinner than me in person. As far a replacing Bob barker goes, he is an uncanny choice. When the cameras aren't rolling, he spent every spare moment getting to know his audience, even going as far as to compliment me on my "Austin Powers like crushed velvet blazer". I made a fool of my self for mediocre prizes that could easily fit in the trunk of my car, with the hope that I'll hear the phrase " a new car" or boat.

One poor people use for price is right that I stumbled across was, how great a scenario it is for a first date with someone. Crazy right? Hear me out, you spend a good two hours before the show talking to your date getting to know her. This is because that's how long it takes the show to process and interview the audience. You don't have to buy her dinner because there's no food allowed past the first gate. In this time you realize if there's a connection or if this is a one time thing. The date also includes a free 90 minute show, this consist of the actual taping, it is a lot of fun just watching this whole production and everyone should do it at least once. If by chance your called, you have a personal cheering section and hey if you win you'll probably score at the end of the date too because, lets face it chicks dig guys who win boats.

There you have it, a memorable date for the cost of fifteen bucks parking. I'd say that's an awesome thing to do for free.

Did I win you might be asking? Guess you'll all find out a month and a half from now when my episode airs.

- David N.

Fallout New Vegas: 30 Hours Deep

A mere thirty hours spent on Fallout: New Vegas and here's what I've learned so far:

• Plain and simple, I'm addicted. Almost 100 hours have been dedicated to the series (past and present) and I can't get enough of it.
  
• It took me long enough, but I figured out how to modify weapons and do other cool things I was too stupid to figure out in Fallout 3. Laser Rifles with Tri-Beam modifications = :)
• Bugs and glitches suck, but a patch is being released once more so I can stop watching Radscorpions get stuck in quick sand.
• Recruiting three prostitutes for a motel sounds normal enough but two of the three are a sex robot named F.I.S.T.O. and zombie-ghoul looking cowgirl.
  
• I've found myself fast forwarding dialogue because I'm so anxious to get started on a quest. Not good.
  
• An old lady killed one of her own dogs so that I could replace an Elvis impersonator's dog with its brain.
  
• I never thought it was possible to kill giant bugs with spiked brass knuckles. I'll need some in real life now.
• Without going into detail, the dreams and nightmares involving characters, scenes, and enemies from Fallout continue to this day. Make the Mirelurks stop.
  
• Until recently I had no idea so many other people at work enjoyed the game as much as I do. Felt good to talk about what level I'm at in the game and discuss the best way to take out Cazadores and Deathclaws.

Bring on the future!

Coping With Christmas - Volume 1: The Music

The sculpture above is called Sound Wave by Korean artist Jean Shin. He melted a ton of 78rpm vinyl records to create the wave and it looks amazing.

If I had my way I'd throw every original Christmas recording into a burning fire and melt them just the same. I get two days away from work to spend running the usual errands (getting food from the store, taking clothes to the dry cleaners if I could wake up early enough, harassing the Wetzel Pretzel employees at the mall for free samples, etc;) and because it's December I'm treated to those same old recordings of the holidays.

I hate the majority of Christmas music. All the classics are annoying, sappy, and nauseously repeated by every department store. There's a lot of good that's come from Christmas, including my 1989 Ninja Turtles Christmas tree ornament or Will Vinton's Claymation special (Which I now have to watch on mute) that I still get to have nightmares about. But Jingle Bells, The Little Drummer Boy, Angels We Have Heard on High, Joy To The World, The First Noel, Deck The Halls, and the like are all terrible things to deal with for the next 25 days. As if the classics aren't bad enough you also get to hear holiday originals like Mariah Carey's "All I Want For Christmas Is You" or Faith Hill's "Where Are You, Christmas?". I'll tell you where Christmas is: it's beaten and bloodied inside of a body bag if I have to hear Hark! The Herald Angels Sing one more time at work.

I'm asking for everyone's help in making an anti-overly-played-Christmas song playlist to help me cope. The song could actually be about Christmas in a positive way, just so long as it's not one we've all heard a million times already. Sarcastic, heavy handed, subversive, truthfully sad; I'll take it. Here's what I have so far:

• Augie Rios - Donde Esta Santa Claus: I'll listen to this at least once a year. It's from 1958 and this kid's accent is hilarious.
• The Ramones - Merry Christmas (I Don't Want To Fight Tonight): Entertaining video, love the ending.
• Fear - Fuck Christmas: An obvious choice.
• Ren & Stimpy - I Hate Christmas!: Just found this one and I'm loving the rhyming of listless with Christmas.
• Snoop Dogg & Tha Dogg Pound - Santa Claus Is Coming Straight to the Ghetto: Snoop Dogg in a black santa hat driving a low rider. That's what this season is all about.
• Eazy-E - Merry Muthafuckin' Christmas: Vulgar, but honestly what else would you expect?

Offer up any of your suggestions in the comments section and help me ride out the worst holiday time of the year.

[Spoiler: Please don't suggest the Ding! Fries Are Done video. If I hear it once I'll have to play it in succession five times. Maybe more.]

Mauritius, Home of the Dodo Bird

While visiting the mall for some new work clothes (JCPenny wasn't having their usual Van Heusen shirt extravaganza) I came across this shirt inside of a Kohl's and it made me think: What the hell is Mauritius and is it possible they are running out of sewing machines and small children in China and Taiwan?

Turns out Mauritius is a small island on the southeast coast of Africa and is known for being the only home to the dodo bird and for their mass production of rum as well as poorly designed shirts for APT.9. Sir Anerood Jugnauth is the president, the local climate is tropical, and Port Louis is the republic's capitol. Basically, we could live without this place.

Here's to hoping those awful APT.9 shirts find the same fate as the dodo bird.

[Spoiler: I did find three solid colored shirts for work so get ready for Dark Burgandy, Light Blue, and Irish Creme.]