Shot through the heart and you're to blame, I give blogs a bad name

The last time I was here the best buy CEO thought it was a good idea to fuck secretaries and use company money on viagra, lube and ball gags, while the best buy founder thought it was an even better idea not to tell anyone. Yet somehow the geniuses steering the best buy ship better known as the dicktanic, decided it was an even better idea to pay millions of dollars to part ways with someone who was already out the door. That's like being thrown out of someone's house for fucking the babysitter and then when you're halfway down the street, the owner of the house gives you 1000 dollars and tells you they never want to see you again. 


Now that Ive gotten that out of the way on to more pressing issues, mainly everything besides work.


-First off, it was absolutely amazing to have the kings win the stanley cup, for me though, I don't think anything is going to top the 88 dodgers, although the XFL's L.A. xtreme came close.


-The Miami heat won an NBA title, I guess dreams really don't come true.


-Carl's jr gave out free burgers to anyone who dressed like spiderman on July 4th, coincidentally I was giving out free facials to ladies who dressed up as catholic school girls on that day as well.


-I know I told Mike I would do a weekly thing on here based on baseball cards, but after further consideration I realized that was way too much work on my end for this blog, sorry Mike.


-Miller lite created a beer can that allows you to puncture the top for a better pour? increase the beer to air ratio in the can? I think miller's top priority should be to create a beer that doesn't taste like miller lite.


-My attempt to update the blog and bring back the funny is like Matt Kemp at the HR derby, straight weak sauce son! I'll do better next time


-Lozano 

Remember, Remember the 25th of November

The 25th of November bring a Friday that's black

A Friday in which I wish I could turn time back

People line up in droves to buy useless things

New employees not knowing what black Friday brings,

A Friday where people wait in line about 3 days ahead

The smells so repulsive, they stink worse than the dead

Missing Thanksgiving dinner thinking they'll get a steal

But how is saving 20 dollars on a piece of shit dynex a deal?

Sure store had bargains but that was a long time ago

Now retailers push out crap to customers because "What do they know?"

God forbid you get the last laptop deal and want to take it to your place

Because now you gotta look out for the black guy trying to punch you in the face,

This 25th of November take notice to what I said

The best way to spend black Friday is at home in your bed

I know this time last year this blog was filled with the same rants

But Im just trying to spare everyone a day standing behind someone who just shit there pants.

me > Russell Simmons' def poetry jam

-Lozano out

World Series Game 2 - Live Blogging the 9th

@7:51pm - Top of the 9th inning, Game 2 is tied with one out. Commercial for Tower Heist almost made me throw up the Fiber One cereal I've been eating without milk.

@7:57pm - Sac fly by Michael Young, Texas takes the lead. No matter how hard I try to pretend these Fiber One cereal pieces are still not Dorritos.

@7:59pm - Another commercial break. That Pepsi commercial montage of all the past music icons that have endorsed their fizz falls flat. Just show the Ray Charles ad in its entirety for the right one, baby.

@8:02pm - Texas, with a 2-1 lead in the bottom of the 9th, gives up a lead off walk. That's the equivalent of Mario sales leading without a clipboard, Abel picking a dot-com order before checking RSS, David drawing the Joker in complete ink before using pencil, Daniel pouring a bowl of Frankenberry before checking to see if there's milk, or me buying a tie at Ross when the Wednesday shipment hasn't even arrived. There are some things you just don't do.

@8:11pm - Furcal popped out to right to end the inning, series tied at 1 game a piece.

Fox's coverage gets progressively worse each year. I'm tired of the fan close-ups. Stop interrupting the game with shots of moms biting the cuffs of their sweaters and old dudes with a gleam in their eye. Let the drama evolve organically and quit showing us how tight each fan is holding their ass in anticipation for the next pitch. Enough!

Don't Stop Blogievin'

I'd like to dedicate this to Michael "Journey" [edited bleep], the buyback king of Cerritos .Sorry for the lack of updates but I've been busy carrying out tv's and doing cart runs. There isn't a general topic I'd like to focus on this week so I'm just going to blurt out a bunch of random crap that's chapping my ass.

I hate it when I'm driving and the dumbshit in the lane next to you assumes you have to let them merge just because they're using the turn signal. Ive got somewhere I need to be as well dipshit, back of the line.

Why do people in SUV's and big ass trucks feel the need to drive over speed bumps like a bunch of bitches. You just paid 50,000 for that thing I'm sure it's equipped with a proper suspension. For the love of christ, stop driving over those things like you're sitting on a big black dildo.

I wish stupid hipster "guys" would stop wearing skinny jeans and toms. Have some god damn self respect and stop wearing leggings and flats like some stupid indie bitch and man up.

Fuck snap back caps. I can't stand seeing a bunch of punks who have never played or pay any attention to sports wearing a L.A. Kings cap because they think the colors look fresh.

And finally, People need to stop denying the homeless spare change because they feel the homeless are just going to use it to buy alcohol. Really? What the fuck are the supposed to spent it on? An escalade? A day at the spa? Of course its going to be spent on alcohol, they live in the street and poo behind dumpsters. Anyone who says it should be spent on food is full of shit. Theres nobody on this universe that wants to walk into a carl's jr and have homeless bob, who smells like someone shit in a dumpster and set it on fire, in front of them, and you sure as shit don't want him at the table next to you eyeballing your milkshake. Instead the homeless decide to dig through trash cans for food because even they're smart enough to know that its a lot easier to find chicken nuggets in the trash than it is to find a bottle of vodka or some crack. Maybe next time a homeless person decides to ask you for change you'll get off your moral high horse and give it to them for having to decency to not eat around you and get a 32 oz king cobra instead.

That's all for now, remember kids start saving up those pennies for black friday.

-Lozano out

Blog, Blog, Bloggin' On Heaven's Door

First off id like to bid farewell to a great man, Jose Andrade. I first met him at best buy almost six years ago, and I got to know him a bit from his time in appliances and being the sales operator. I really wish I would have gotten to know him better, but his surgeries and treatments kept him away from work a bunch. Probably one of the coolest things about Jose was his great musical taste. It would always put a smile on my face when I'd walk over to the managers bridge and Jose would have his ipod hooked up and be listening to Morrissey, but then after like 10 min he'd call me over to the bridge and Jose would be playing "Rumpshaker" by Wreckx-N-Effect and we'd both laugh. The best part about it was that Jose made it like an everyday thing, One minute it was "suede head" then he would call me over and ask me "what do you know about this?" then he would put on "knockin boots" or "poison" and we would both just sit there laughing.

As Mike stated in his previous blog, Little things like complaints about work, customers, school, gas prices, etc, all are nothing compared to what Jose went through. So the next time you think you have problems, just take a breath and realize that it could be so much worse, life is waaaaaay too short.

Sorry if this post is depressing, I wanted to write about Jose then get to the funny stuff, but I don't know, I want this to be all about him.

In closing I'd like to say that the world is really going to miss him and may he put in a good word for us and save us a seat up there.

-Abel

We Didn't Blog The Fire

[Editor's Note: Albuquerque was great fun and you'll read more about it another time. For now, I'm back from vacation and ready to post something that Abel sent in 12 days ago. Apologies for the delay.]

--

This time around I'd like to talk about something kind of important, the Japan earthquake. Now before everyone starts to mutter how they didn't think I could be a bigger piece of shit than I already am, relax, I'm not going to crap on Japan. No, My anger is geared toward the lack of help the seem to be receiving from the world.

Japan has given this world so much over the years, amazing cars, sweet electronics like the gameboy and playstation 3, pokemon, mario bros, godzilla, and those really sweet horror movies that Americans decide to remake and ruin, as well as mouth watering food. Yet as I sit at home type this, four different channels are showing college basketball (go duke) but not one god damn telethon or even some really long commercial for red cross help has been shown. What the fuck America!

I don't see how Haiti, an island that looked like shit and a half to begin with, gets a telethon and millions of dollars raised for them, which I doubt have been put to good use. Meanwhile the most important contribution they've given the world is a third of the fugees. I'm not saying Haiti doesn't deserve the money, all I'm saying is that a country that's given the world so much deserves at least a couple of drums of lead paint to shield themselves from the radiation.

Where are all the god damn, tree huggers now?

I'm used to seeing craploads of them all piled into boat trying to save whales from being put to good use, yet when millions of people need help these dipshits are busy buying hybrids, American apparel scarves and fingerless gloves. Pussies. Perhaps after they're done shopping for organic vegetables they can come up with a plan to help and do something useful for a change.

What's that? Yes as a matter of fact I have done my part and donated money to the red cross. In your face!

Now with that said, me and my tax write off are out.

- Abel L.

Let's Give 'Em Something To Blog About

Hello, hello, sorry for the gap in between posts but I've been busy with work, school and scouring for food trucks across town. I totally recommend the hell's bell's burger from the koji truck by the way, delicious. This time around instead of going into detail about all the shit that's driving me bananas, I'm just going to spit out random shit that's pissing me off, so just take my word for it.

-I wonder what happens first, Clippers make the playoffs or gas hits 5 dollars a gallon.

-Am I one of the only few who prefers holding a book in my hand and turning pages with my fingers rather than pushing buttons on an e-reader?

-Yogurtland > Pinkberry, suck it.

-Cops should be able to pepper spray grown men who wear UGG boots, they should be allowed to shoot them for wearing them with their pants tucked into them.

-Tattoo removal places should do free removals when it comes to getting rid of Japanese words. Not trying to be racist but unless you're Asian or a ninja it looks stupid.

-People need to stop being assholes when it comes to negative reviews on yelp. 99% of them are stupid and useless.

-Millionaire athletes need to stop acting like bitches because they don't feel they're getting paid enough. Try getting a real job working for practically nothing, then see how much you're really worth.

-Fast food places need to stop coming out with a new burger/sandwich/taco/salad every 2 weeks and instead focus on making one meal that's really good.

-Stop complaining about the price of popcorn and soda at the movie theatre, you want to stop the prices from going up, don't buy shit there, ta da!

-I get it discovery channel, Alaska is a tough place to live in.

-Is there anything worse than a shitty donut?

That's all I got for now, Lozano out.

- Abel L.

Unemployment Fun Zone: The Return (Double Whammy Edition)

Much like a movie you didn't want a sequel to, I'm back. For the three people that wondered what happened to my column, let's just say my editor doesn't expect much from me.

Where have I been? When I wasn't at the drawing board doing cards and portfolio sketches, I was scouring the globe of course for the best food trucks around and running into fellow IEC contributor Abel L. I fully expect a new post from him about the Frysmith and The Grilled Cheese Truck, no doubt he's coming up with new synonyms for the word delicious; perhaps something like scrulumptious.

Don't think for one second I've abandoned my search for all things free and cheap in fact, this Tuesday I'll bring you a review of Liam Neeson's Unknown. This April we'll be bringing you UFZ: Anahiem comic con Volunteer Edition where I see how many professional artist give me art to sell on Ebay.

For now in honor of my birthday in four days, I'll be giving you tips on who still let's you eat like a king on your special day. Tonight I took a trip to the mecca of the 605 freeway, the Cerritos mall so I could dine at the Red Robin. If you've never had Red Robin, you either are dating the wrong person or you live in a city where good taste is forbidden. If you sign up for their free Red Royal rewards club you get a free burger on your birthday. You might be saying to yourself, " I still have to pay for fries and a drink though!" That is only a half truth my friend, tonight yours truly walked in, sat at the bar, gave the bartender my printed email; then like magic a bacon burger with unlimited steak fries was laid before me. After $2.62 cents for my root beer, my full meal was devoured and there was no room for anymore. I'm giving this deal a 5 out of 5.

Other free things you can still get within the two weeks that encompass your birthday include, Fuddruckers free burger, $10 towards food at Roadhouse (no purchase necessary), and Ben and Jerry's Ice cream. Check their respective websites for all the details.

Now for the double whammy! Like a black video game salesperson's wet dream, I made $80 dollars today playing an unreleased video game for 2 hrs and stating all the things I hated about it. When I first answered this ad, I was skeptical of being raped or having to give up my credit card. Turned out to be a legitimate marketing company hired to conduct this kind for research. This beats jury duty hands down for the simple reason that even if you aren't selected for a panel you still get $50 just for showing up and your on your way home. In jury duty the judge just calls you racist, gives you a lecture one why you should want to be part of jury duty and sends you back to the waiting room. Because I signed a non disclosure agreement, I can not talk too much detail, but I will say it was an exclusive for a game system that has a blu-ray player built in and the name of the game rhymes with Fisted Yental. What am I going to do with my 80 bucks? Yep you guessed it, lottery tickets.

We'll be back in 4 days for my " 29, I think I'm turning 29, I really think so" blog. In 30 days we'll be back with last minute tax tips, including how I got $4,250.00 back and so can you. Plus coming soon for any birthdays after may, IEC will be hosting my "you name it, I draw it" blog where one person will get an actual Image comics bristol board sketch by me, of the most off the wall thing they can think of.

As always it's been your pleasure (or total waste of time),

David

Ebay Is Addictive, The Superbowl, And Gambling

Happy post-Superbowl, everyone. Hope you all had enough time to digest that mountain of quepapas and Bud Light. With just 5 posts it's safe to say that January was a slow month for IEC so I'm pointing blame in the following directions:

1. David went back to school (I think?), remembered how to smile, and has been drawing up a storm according to all 1,3o4,244 of his Facebook updates.
2. Abel is closely monitoring the Lakers and pulling for an Artest/Ariza trade.
3. Daniel's empty promises continue to remain just that.
4. Yours truly celebrated a birthday, drank a boot of beer at a surprise party, served jury duty, sold a ton of shit on ebay, passed Dead Money on Fallout: New Vegas, and worked a billion hours as usual.

Either way, no excuses. Our collective writer's block is over and it's back to business. Or maybe not, who the hell knows.

Back to the Superbowl. Plenty of bad decisions were made on the field but the real mistakes were made in the kitchen. Watching the game gives us all an excuse to gorge once more before winter is over and pretend that words like "calories", "sodium", and "trans fat" don't exist. Shotgunning cupcakes (the act of stuffing an entire iced cupcake in your mouth and attempting to eat it quickly) imbetween eating foods like buffalo wing flavored Ruffles, turkey chili, subway 6" sandwhiches, and chicken wings is not recommended at any other time of the year. With Pepto Misol in hand, I finished off what was left in the bottle and prayed those nachos I tacked on for desert at 12:14am Monday morning would stay down.

I didn't get to watch the Superbowl last year and pig out, but the year prior I was in Las Vegas gambling away my tax return and going all in with a pair of 9s. I didn't lose a crazy amount of money, but since then I haven't gambled heavily. Last March I was in Vegas for St. Patrick's day and won $500 from a slot machine, the most I've ever won since visiting there. But playing a few hands of poker or taking a shot at the slots just doesn't match up to the fun of betting on sports, especially baseball. I'm already a fan of the game, but when you start trying to pick five winners for the same ticket for some crazy amount of money it's that much more fun. Why else would you be interested in the pitching match-up for the Pirates-Brewers game? I've been good, though. I've stayed away from old habits despite the fact that the advent of the smart phone is making matters worse. All this access to live scores and highlights wherever I go makes it easier to watch the results for instant jubilation (or humiliation).

Luckily there is eBay. It was fun watching all these auctions end while trying to find out how much someone will spend on a three-year old electric guitar (Note: It costs $90 to ship a guitar to Virginia. Not $50. Ninety fucking dollars via FedEx). Everything sold, from old video games to a GPS that became obsolete courtesy of my Droid Incredible. Throwing your old junk on eBay is a fun gamble since you never know how desperate someone is and you keep waiting to see if you might get back what you originally paid for it. There are tons of bargains too, like this Todd Marinovich signed 1992 Upper Deck All Rookie Team football card for just $12: (http://cgi.ebay.com/TODD-MARINOVICH-1992-UPPER-DECK-SIGNED-AUTO-31-RAIDERS-/130360654625?pt=LH_DefaultDomain_0&hash=item1e5a19bb21).

eBay is a decent enough gambling-like substitute that I can live with right now so wish me luck and I'll see you all next time.

- Mike O.

I Can Feel It Blogging In The Air Tonight

First off I'd like to say that I hope that the tens of thousands of readers out there are having a great start to the year. I'm kind of hoping that the care meter breaks 10k before the start of another exciting season of Dodger baseball, fuck you McCourts! Anyways, This week I'd like to discuss a topic that is near and dear to my heart, the thorn in my ass that is the window shopper.

I don't have any problems with window shoppers, the problem I have is with the imbeciles who know full well that they're not going to buy anything but yet feel compelled to signal you over from about 50 feet away in order to explain to them the in's and out's of 3D television. 9 times out of 10 these morons own a 26 inch dynex/insignia/coby/vizio tv and watch it on basic cable, why the fuck do you need to know everything about a tv that costs over 2 grand? The only worse than the fact that you're wasting my time is the stupid look on the customers face when you explain something to them, its as if you're explaining advanced Chinese calculus.

Also on my list of people who chap my ass are the customers who feel the need to have everything price checked for them, especially the ones that want you to give them the price with tax. Are you kidding me? Look here you fucking mook, if you really need to know the price of something after tax, 1, you really should be spending your welfare check on something more useful like electricity and 2, I don't know how the 500 dollar price tag doesn't scare you away, yet somehow the 47 dollars in taxes make or break the deal. So the next time someone wearing pajama pants and is holding a kid that smells like its diaper hasn't been changed in about three days asks you for a price check, you tell them to go eat a dick.

Last but certainly not least on my list aren't window shoppers, no, I've got a bone to pick with the people who let their kids run around the god damn store like its some kind of day care center. Keep those things on a leash if you're not going to watch over them. I'm tired of your idiot kids running around the supermarket like they're on fire getting their booger covered hands on shit that isn't on the WIC list. There should also be some kind of policy at Toys R Us that doesn't allow you into the store with children if you're not going to buy them anything. I completely understand that it's not the kids fault for wanting all kinds of things there, hell I go in there now and I cant help but want to go home with half the store. But the next time I'm looking at a lego star wars set and someone let's their idiot kid ride around the store on a bike, the next lap is gonna be your little Lance Armstrong's last because I'm going to clothesline them off that fucking huffy.

I'd also like to give a special thanks out there to all the people who complain about displays not working. If the shit's not working, just deal with it, you know you're not buying it anyway. Stop busting my dick over a SLR camera not working when you're going to be at Chuck E Cheese taking pictures with your metro pcs phone, you fucking dunce.

Speaking of Chuck E Cheese, stop letting your kid go off and join someone else's birthday party. I'm tired of seeing lil Tyrone trying to get cake and tokens from the Nguyen's.

That's all for this week, see you at yogurtland, Lozano out.

- Abel L.

Highway to the Danger Zone

I know what you're thinking and before you begin to get all wet because this is about Kenny Loggins or Top Gun, it's not, settle down. No this is actually about driving on the freeway and the dickheads who don't follow proper driver etiquette. These are things that aren't taught in drivers ed class, but yet have been picked up by most drivers in some way, shape or form.

Now I'm pretty sure most people already know about the left lane of the freeway, not the carpool lane, but the fast lane. Most drivers are well aware that if you want to go about 20 mph's or more over the speed limit this is the lane to do it in. I'm not trying to say it's okay to do about 90 on the freeway, what I'm saying is that it's not alright for someone to do less that 75 in that lane. I don't understand why drivers refuse to change over to the right lane when they see a car about to get in there ass in the rear view mirror. I don't care if your doing 100, if the car behind you is doing 105, get the hell out of the way.

The only thing worse than someone who refuses to change lanes to the right are the drivers who go below the speed limit on the freeway. Seriously what the fuck is that all about? If someone refuses to go over 60 on the highway, then they need take the god damn street because they're obviously not in any hurry. There isn't any need for a beat up astro van to take up valuable space on the 105 when they can simply drive down Imperial and fit right in.

Last but certainly not least are all the god damn drivers who slow down and stare every time an accident occurs. Why in the blue hell are people slowing down for? They need to pass some kind of law that allows drivers to plow into the back of assholes who slow down to stare at shit they can do absolutely nothing about. I really doubt doctors and emt's drive around in 89 sentra's or old datsun trucks with a leaf blower in the back, andale Jose, you're slowing me down.

In closing I'd just like to say keep your hands at 10 and 2, drive defensively and in the words of the great rapper Ludacris "move bitch, get out the way."

- Abel L.

Happy 2011!: Resolution Denied

Just 5 days into the year and I figure what better time to write about things that are already pissing me off. None of these things have gotten to me really, it's just that I cant think of anything to really write about and combining that with the fact that I have the attention span of a squirrel, why not strike while the iron's hot.

The first thing I'd like to give a toast to are bus stop patrons. I know waiting for the bus sucks, actually no I don't, I hate the bus. I remember walking about 5 miles in chuck's in about 95 deg weather every day just because I didn't want to take the bus like common folk back in 99. I'm not here to complain about the bus though, i'm here to shit on all the impatient people waiting for it. Every bus bench with more than 5 people waiting always seems to have one person who stands in the middle of the god damn street looking down the road as if the sight of them is gonna cause the bus driver to step on it and run all the lights. What the hell are these people doing standing in the middle of the street looking at their watch for anyway? The way I see it is you only have 2 options at that point, stand on the curb patiently sipping on an arizona tea or pick up your crap and walk. Something tells me most people rather get hit by the bus rather than walk away from it.

The last thing I'd like to bitch about is candy bar prices. What the hell is going on here? I went to Walgreens like a week ago with a dollar in my pocket looking to pick up a peanut butter twix (the caramel ones can suck my dick) and I cant believe I had to pay for it with my atm card because it was more than a dollar, to make matter worse it wasn't even that king size one with four bars. What is the world coming to when you cant even enjoy the sugary goodness of your favorite candy bar with the change on your pocket (if your favorite candy bar is almond joy or mounds, may you burn in hell) Christ, a bag of skittles now a days costs as much as a double cheese burger at McDonalds.

Thats all I got for now, Lozano out.

- Abel L.

2011: The Future Is Now

Since Michael already did a 2010 year in review, I figure I'd try my hand and fortune telling and predict some of the things we at infinite etc have to look forward to next year. After all, whats the worse than can happen, I'm right? Ha, I couldn't predict the winner of a Harlem globetrotter/Washington general game.

First of we'll start with David I see great things in his future, he'll still be unemployed. The upside to that is because he'll be busy making the rounds on game shows. After coming in second place on "Survivor", David manages to tarnish his image just a bit after getting dragged off of the set of "Are you smarter than a 5th grader" after he gives Jeff Foxworthy the finger and tells the 5th grader to "suck my motherfucking dick, you little bitch." Fortunately the grass really is greener on the other side and MTV decides to give Dave his own show called "I hate little bitch 5th graders, they can suck my motherfucking dick" its a working title.

Mike will finally realize that JC Penney and Kohl's aren't the only stores that sell ties and dress shirts. He will also become big t's(Tony Baugess) right hand man and get promoted to manager, as Michael's reign of install and black tie protection terror begins, his first act as manager will be to hire Danny as home theatre supervisor. Finally I see Michael coming up on some money and opening up a Rum Jungle in Cerritos where he will unfortunately have way too many jello shots and throw up all over the place, but that's after sitting down and stealing a young lady's chair.

Danny will still not have a job, he'll get hired by Michael sometime later that year so it's cool. This blog will still not get a candy bar review from him.

Finally I, Abel, will still work a bestbuy except it'll be under a new gm, Kenji. I'll finally have a new car, unfortunately it'll be broken into and stolen within the first week. I will somehow manage to be hurt at work again and I'll be forced to have the deaf kid drive me to the hospital.

There you have it folks, 2011 in a nutshell for the infinite etc staff. who knows maybe 2012 will finally bring us a review from Danny.

- Abel.

Top 10 Last Minute Gift Ideas

I know it's been a while since I last posted, I'm sure the tens of thousands of you who read this blog probably lost sleep at night wondering whats going on? Well it was a combination of things really, and before the rumors begin to circulate about me wrapping myself in red and green shrink wrap and and trying to hang myself with the big joe safety harness, that's simply not true. The odds of best buy safety equipment actually working properly and preventing injury rather than cause it are astronomical. The reason the Cliff Lee of product process hasn't contributed to this blog is because your boy had the flu and to make matters worse, after getting over it, my computer decided to take a shit. R.I.P 933Mhz, 128Mb memory compaq presario, these past nine years have been great, you will be missed.

With Jesus' birthday being less than 10 days away, if you're anything like me, the thought of shopping hasn't even crossed your mind. In fact I've actually done my shopping on the 24th on 2 different occasions. Which leads my to the thought of who better than to write about great last minute gifts than yours truly. these items are in no particular order, but here we go.

-Crappy video game out of the 19.99 and under bestbuy dumpbin.
nothing helps spread more holiday cheer than giving someone a gem like deadliest catch for the xbox 360 or cooking mama world tour for the wii.

-Criss Angel magic set.
The real trick is not becoming a big douche like that guy.

-Shake weight.
It's like cranking one out, minus the satisfaction. Don't judge me!

-Gift card.
What better way then to show the holiday spirit then by picking up a gift card at Ralph's while buying yams.

-Snuggie.
A blanket with sleeves, need I say more.

-Wildly colored sweater from Macy's.
Why go with a orange or electric blue cardigan you say? Because all the normal colors are sold out by now.

-Socks.
Who doesn't want the self confidence that comes with having socks that are matching and lacking holes.

-Anything from the Bristol farms kiosk at the mall.
Hooray for sausage!

-Hot topic t-shirts.
Who wouldn't want to be the guy at the bar with the tony the tiger t-shirt, that's so rad.

-Crappy cd/dvd out of the bargain bin.
Imagine the look of joy as your secret Santa unwraps the Ray Parker jr ghostbusters cd, or that cinematic gem "glitter"

There you have it folks, I just simplified your last minute shopping experience, your welcome. Time to unwrap some tamales, happy Kwanzaa.

- Abel.

Friday, I'm in love 2: Electric Boogaloo by Abel

My last post was about my hatred of black Friday, but unfortunately it ran kind of long so there was a couple of things left unsaid. Hopefully this time I'll cross all the T's and dot all the I's because somehow I don't think Friday, I'm in love 3: season of the witch (that's for you Danny) will make it before the 26th.

After googling this years batch of black Friday ad-stravaganzas, I have come to a couple of conclusions, the most important of those being that people in this country are fucking retarded. I know I'm not the smartest person alive, but even I know that after looking at all the advertisements I quickly realized that the things in there are pretty much horse shit labeled with great household electronic names like Koss, Colby, and Gpx.I Guarantee you if could ask the people who are gonna be waiting in line on black Friday, if they would buy the same product for the same price in April or May, they would all say no.

So why is that? Do shoppers really believe they're getting some kind of bargain? Do they somehow believe that retailers are actually losing money on merchandise that day? I mean why on earth would herds of people wait in for about 3 or 4 days if they weren't robbing the store blind that day?

The answer is rather simple, people are stupid.

Sure there are a couple of really good deals out there, but nothing that would require a rational human being to wait more than an hour for. Too many people are blinded by the low price to realize that they're buying some old out of date model, i.e. tv's that aren't 1080p or only have only one hdmi output, or computers with low storage or slow processor. Yet somehow the feel the need to be in line for 3 days. I find it hard to believe that more people don't realize how simple it would be to save money to avoid waiting in line. If you worked like 3 or 4 extra days a year, worked overtime about twice in a work year, perhaps some thing as simple as taking your own lunch once a week, hell, if people took up a part time job a Cinnabon for 2 weeks, the money earned would be more than the amount of money saved for waiting in line for so long.

But the thing that really chaps my ass (that's for you Mike) are the customers who are stupid enough to believe that everything is on sale. "Its black Friday, isn't everything supposed to be like 50 percent off?" No idiot, it's not. You waited outside for nothing, now get out of my face you smell like armpit and feet.

In closing, be safe careful again, be safe again and most importantly I hope that when I'm at work at 2 a.m. you wake up with thanksgiving diarrhea. (Tha'ts for you Dave) Cheers bitches.

- Abel L.

Friday, I'm In Love: By Abel

I know I told Mike my contribution to this blog was going to be about songs from the 70's, but seeing as how I'm the elder spokesman of this blog and I was actually born in the 70's, who better than myself to write about things that really chap my ass.

This weeks I'd like to discuss the holidays, mainly the retail industries obsession with black Friday. Now I'm not here to bash holidays, frankly I love turkey, pumpkin pie, tamales, gifts and Christmas lights as much as anyone. Maybe its just me getting older but it seems as though the holiday season creeps in sooner and sooner every year. It's almost as if best buy sets up dump bins with this years pile of shit no one wants hours after the last bag of Halloween candy is being ravaged.

I'm well aware that consumers need holiday sales to quench their thirst for insignia products and st. johns bay ties, but for fuck's sake, have some dignity. I can't seem to begin to comprehend the need for idiots to wait in line for days all while sleeping on the sidewalk and shitting in bushes. And for what? So that a bunch of seasonal employees can set up stacks of shit all over the store resembling the gauntlet on American gladiators, directing you towards the (insert product description here) you saved twenty four dollars on. Congrats fuckstick, you just did away with clean underpants for 72 hours for something that 9 times out of 10 is getting returned Dec 26. They wouldn't even make you wear the same underwear for three days straight as a challenge on fear factor because even a show where they eat worms and roaches knows that's just fucking disgusting.

The only saving grace for me is that every year now it seems as though more and more people are getting mugged while waiting in line or they're getting beat up for their (insert product name here) as they make their way to the car. Maybe its just me but there cant be anything worse than waiting in line in the cold and shitting yourself because you don't want to lose your place in line and miss out on that monster screen cleaner. That's right a grown ass human being is going to spend the day biting their lip and suffering from cold sweats trying to prevent that chocolate thunderstick from destroying their underpants.

So after losing all self respect and finally getting your hands on that teenage mutant ninja turtle van that your son hasn't wanted since 89 and that pentium ll processor compaq netbook, some piece of shit decides to punch you in the gut and take off with the netbook and turtle van. Call me old fashioned but I figure if im ever going to rob someone I'm not waking up before 11 am to do it and I'm sure as hell not going to risk prison time for some bugle boy jeans or a laptop that does less than my cell phone. I mean seriously what has this world come to when people cant even walk across a parking lot carrying a bristol farms fruit cake and a mr coffee without fearing for their lives.

In closing I'd just like to say be careful, be safe and most importantly, be home asleep on Nov 26, because I'm sure as shit not.

- Abel L.

Red Rain by Abel L.

So yesterday I had the dubious distinction of having spent a decade working at best buy. After coming to the terms with the fact that my 20's, probably the best years of my life have been wasted there, I struggle with the thought that even though I have hated every second there, Ive met and become friends with some of the most amazing people I will ever encounter in my life.

Now that Ive gotten the gay out of my system, on to more more pressing issues. Monday November 8, a date that will live forever in the hearts and minds of best buy employees, the project team and the staff at the Downey regional medical center, I Abel Lozano almost got transferred to the big best buy in the sky. That's right, me, the duke of pricing, chancellor of keepers, sultan of Sunday ad sets, the Michael Jordan of new releases, the Maradona of truck unloading, the man who operates a telxon with the precision of a brain surgeon, almost died.

While helping a fellow employee get media baskets down from above the gondolas in the warehouse, I was struck in the head by an avalanche of metal and suffered a laceration to my head. It felt as though God himself put on a gauntlet and hit me with his best overhand right. After quickly brushing that shot off, I quickly realized I was gushing blood like a geyser at Yellowstone. Fortunately its me we're talking about so with some quick thinking I put some cd labels, bundle bands, a keeper and some best buy tape to good use. After making my way to the restroom to look in the mirror (Sorry for calling you a fucking idiot Ozzie, but next time get out of my god damn way) I noticed the hole in my head resembled a cavern Indiana Jones would make his way out of, I also looked like a circuit city employee because my shirt was now covered in B negative.

A couple of minutes later after I was talked out of using zip ties and double sided tape to close the wound, the employees drew straws to see who would get to drive me to the hospital. (thanks Juan) While in the E.R, I was consoled by the doctor asking me my two cents on buying a 3D t.v. now or waiting a couple more weeks. Unfortunately I wasn't able to explain to him connectivity or use trust as I was occupied with the synergies he was putting in my skull. After the doctor finished sewing me up better than a nine year old Vietnamese girl in a osh kosh b'gosh sweat shop, back to work I went.

Well today we had a visit from the district staff and I realized just how incredibly amazing I am and here's proof.
1. The reason I got hit in the head was probably because the warehouse was full of shit and it need to get cleaned up in hurry for the visit.
2. The shelf got me right on the hairline, so even with stitches it hard to see. It just looks like my hair.
3. Last but not least, the warehouse was a complete cluster fuck before I went to the hospital, pallets everywhere! But just as Willis Reed inspired the knicks to beat the lakers, Kirk Gibson giving the dodgers the will to beat the athletics, I Abel Lozano, (not unlike a phoenix rising from the ashes) whose misfortune got the truck done, warehouse cleaned up and had best buy employees believing in heroes once again.

- Abel L.

First Bad Omen

According to all Facebook sources, IEC contributor Abel is recovering fine after a shelf at work tried to take him out. This scare comes just hours after (see below) the relaunching of Infinite Et Cetera which can only mean one thing: bad idea. Posting will be temporarily suspended until I check on the safety and status of all other contributors.

In the mean time, we send Abel best wishes to a speedy recovery.

It's All Coming Back To Me Now

We're back.

After an extended hiatus Infinite Et Cetera returns with more content, contributors, updates, and general nothingness. Spearheaded by the celebration of one man being freed from his telxon, a consensus formed that helped breathe new life into this blog and will hopefully keep it alive from here on out. While I continue writing my two-page apology for suspending the blog here's a guide that explains what to expect from IEC in the future:

• Updates in terms of reality: The truth is I work more than I should because I'm a chump with too many bills. That just means you can expect most of my personal contributions to be posted on my off days which are usually Monday and Wednesday.
• Features: While we may have guest contributors from time to time, the main contributors to IEC signed new contracts that meet certain deadlines for their featured articles. Here's a brief overview of what those will look like:

Contributor: David N.
Feature: Providing plenty of musings that involve comic books, food, movies, and a tentative feature known as "Tips On How To Survive With Zero Income" that may or may not include a forward by Danny A.
Updated: Weekly, possibly daily.

Contributor: Abel L.
Feature: "70's Song of the Week". Mostly ABBA songs.
Updated: Weekly.

Contributor: Danny A.
Feature: "Candy Review of the Week". More imaginative titles for the article would include I'll Take You To The Candy Shop, Danny's Candies, Psychobilly Sweet Tooth, Zombie Zugar, etc;
Updated: Weekly.

• Telxon of Freedom Award: Finally, I've created the Telxon of Freedom award in light of recent events. Essentially it's an award that any of the contributors can use at their disposal to highlight any acts of bravery, freedom, or simply anything that is pretty awesome. This week I have personally nominated David to receive a Telxon of Freedom Award and expect an acceptance speech in the near future. Well done sir and accept your prize below...

2010 & A Possible Rebirth

The eight, maybe nine, people who read this blog are close enough to me to figure out why I havn't updated the blog regularly since August of 2009. In summary, I'm with someone I love, I'm having more fun, and I'm doing more shit that makes me happy and takes me away from work. I didn't purposely give up on blogging (How dare you, Abel), my time was simply better spent elsewhere. All the rest of the details can be pieced together via my Facebook or Twitter pages as you may have read. With that said, I'll be making more of an effort to write here in 2010 because it's something I still enjoy doing. The blog will keep a similar form; I read/listen/watch things and comment on them in an entertaining way. I'll continue to post useless information and embarrassing stories about myself because they're funny and it just makes sense. By the way, if you can spell embarrassing without using spell check you are my hero. Thank you Firefox for removing the dotted red underlining from most of my words.

So until next time, here is a video I've been watching over and over and over...:

Oyasumi nasia!