That Wasn't Sugar

I found this gem of a story via LAWeekly.com:

Parents, try to keep your babies away from your coke stash. Even though that's a fairly commonsense guideline, a mom and dad (along with mommy's bro) were arrested in Atascadero north of L.A. this week after their 18-month-old went Lohan on their cocaine, at least according to what local cops alleged to the Weekly. Paramedics were called, and seeing as all is not right with the world when a year-and-half-old baby boy has to be treated for yay-yo ingestion, decided it might be prudent to let their police friends in on the fun.

Amazing. In addition to not leaving coke out for baby Huey to digest, here's a few more things the parents of 2011 need to get right:

• Stop bringing junior to the movies. You gave up the right to have a good time at the cineplex when you made that extra DNA.
• Retail locations and malls are not day cares. It's not okay for you to let your youngin' park in front of a television while you pick out a mouse pad.
  
• If you don't look where you're going with that stroller I'm going to make sure that your infant experiences what an amateur UFC fight feels like as we both tumble to the ground, limbs flailing.
  
• We once saw a baby crawling into the street in Norwalk, CA. I havn't seen this happen since then so keep doing that whole thing where you watch your child at all times. It's working.

October is here and I'm setting a goal of at least one blog per day for the entire month. This time it's quantity over quality to keep me in line so stay tuned...