Duct Duct Goose

To save time, here is a brief run down of the amusing things that have happened since January 2nd, 2012, the last time this space was updated.

Self-Inflicted Car Accident: When you go off course (go to work on your off day, text the wrong person, etc;) you're prone to something awful happening. I proved this theory a few weeks ago when we drove to the wrong location while scouting for wedding reception halls. As we were leaving to drive towards the correct address my front bumper got snagged on the curb, made a loud noise, and flipped up and inside out. There were two kids walking home from school who witnessed all this happening and acted appropriately, laughed heartily while staring at me. Our friend Victor gave us white duct tape as a housewarming gift (?) seven months ago and it finally came in handy:


Made New Friends: For those of you who read this blog religiously, the How Y'all Doin' Today guy that roams our apartment complex and was once found shaving outside in the back parking lot had a long conversation with me about music. I rolled up one night blasting some CCR and he told me that was a great way to end the work day. We talked about music for twenty minutes and I surprised him with my knowledge of Chess Records' artists like Willie Dixon, Muddy Waters, and Howlin' Wolf.

Video Games: Gave up on Call of Duty, went back to Fallout 3. Every now and then I continue to embarrass myself playing Dance Central 2, but that's a private matter and will offer no further details.

Sticking Around: Got these songs stuck in my head over the past month:

Consider Yourself - Oliver Soundtrack
Laid Back by White Horse
Hoedown by Aaron Copland
Fly Like an Eagle by Seal


That's all for now. See you in another 40 days!

Apartment Life: The H.Y.D.T. Update

If anyone wants a free shirt there's a child's size medium that has been laying in motor oil for a few weeks now and can be yours if you act now. For anyone not interested in this limited time offer please continue reading.

We're going on five months here at the new apartment and there's been loads of new discoveries. For example, it has never been more apparent to us that children act the way that they do because their dumb shit parents allow it. Bang on the walls? Sure. Bang on the front screen? Yep. Bang on the couch and slam the closet doors at random hours? Oh hell yeah. I, like most of you, fight the urge to be that guy. You know, the guy that tells other parents to keep their kids quiet in a movie theater or the one who asks someone else's infant to stop making a mess of the pillow pets at the store. Any of that can open up the flood gates to phrases like "Don't tell me how to raise my kids" and creates confrontation that isn't worth the trouble. In the end, you just have to ignore it the best you can and accept that most young parents are a bunch of lazy inconsiderate assholes.

Another fun surprise has been the cast of characters we didn't expect to meet from living in close quarters. There's the old dude that sometimes shaves outside with a broken mirror and a straight razor that always asks "How Y'all Doin' Today?" even if you're walking alone. "How Y'all Doin' Today?" (or H.Y.D.T. as I like to call it) was asked of me at least three times yesterday, a new record. Carrying laundry to your car? How Y'all Doin' Today. Running late for work? How Y'all Doin' Today. It's H.Y.D.T. 24/7, 365. My favorite moment occurred just recently when the H.Y.D.T. man asked if my employer was hiring for the season. That conversation went about as awkward as you'd think. Some other characters include the asshole who drives the Honda and thinks the parking garage is a NASCAR track, the middle aged lesbian who thinks the doorway to the apartment is the set of LifeChangers with Dr. Drew, and the idiot female driver who can never, ever seem to park between the lines of her parking space.

That's all for now. Stay tuned for the next apartment life update. Until then, ask yourself: How Y'all Doin' Today?