Of course his driver's license says "Hugh Jackman", but we all know in our heart of hearts he's Wolverine. And if I were any good at Photoshop you would have at least seen the Oscar Statue with adamantium claws or a picture of Wolverine behind a podium wearing a tux.Instead, here is my list of things the real Wolverine would say, do, or feel if he hosted The Oscars.
- Works the word "bub" into every reading of both male and female nominees.
- Makes small-talk with Oscar joke writer Bruce Villanch backstage.
- Kills Bruce Villanch.
- Is unsettled by the amount of Sentinels used as seat fillers.
- Bothered by the glare from Xavier's head, Wolverine ruins the final choreographed steps in the opening music and dance number.
- Goes on 25 minute rant about how great Tom Hanks is.
- Ignores Jubilee's positive cheers heard from the furtherst section in the upper balcony.
- When the teleprompter goes out, Wolverine improvises with "Best Gay Character In A Comic Book Series" category as camera pans on to Cyclops.
- Can't stop glaring at Storm for some reason.
- Sarcastically thanks Iceman for his help and explains how he couldn't have done it without him.
- Refuses to shave or remove mask.
- Wonders why his gift basket is the only one labeled "Mutant".
