The Race Is On

Oh, Sausagegate. The year was 2003 and I was watching Conan the night Randall Simon of the Pirates slammed his bat on the Italian Sausage (see video above). He played the clip a few times noting that the other two sausages briefly stop to look back and then continue on to finish the race. I couldn't stop laughing then and I still find it incredibly funny eight years later. She was okay, obviously, and didn't suffer any permanent damage.

The 2011 MLB Playoffs started tonight and although I won't be able to watch any game in its entirety I'll be following it closely on my phone. I think a Brewers/Rays World Series would be entertaining, but I have no vested interest in any single team winning it all. If anything jumps out at me during the playoffs you'll see it here, otherwise let's have a great October and go Dodgers.

Don't Stop Blogievin'

I'd like to dedicate this to Michael "Journey" [edited bleep], the buyback king of Cerritos .Sorry for the lack of updates but I've been busy carrying out tv's and doing cart runs. There isn't a general topic I'd like to focus on this week so I'm just going to blurt out a bunch of random crap that's chapping my ass.

I hate it when I'm driving and the dumbshit in the lane next to you assumes you have to let them merge just because they're using the turn signal. Ive got somewhere I need to be as well dipshit, back of the line.

Why do people in SUV's and big ass trucks feel the need to drive over speed bumps like a bunch of bitches. You just paid 50,000 for that thing I'm sure it's equipped with a proper suspension. For the love of christ, stop driving over those things like you're sitting on a big black dildo.

I wish stupid hipster "guys" would stop wearing skinny jeans and toms. Have some god damn self respect and stop wearing leggings and flats like some stupid indie bitch and man up.

Fuck snap back caps. I can't stand seeing a bunch of punks who have never played or pay any attention to sports wearing a L.A. Kings cap because they think the colors look fresh.

And finally, People need to stop denying the homeless spare change because they feel the homeless are just going to use it to buy alcohol. Really? What the fuck are the supposed to spent it on? An escalade? A day at the spa? Of course its going to be spent on alcohol, they live in the street and poo behind dumpsters. Anyone who says it should be spent on food is full of shit. Theres nobody on this universe that wants to walk into a carl's jr and have homeless bob, who smells like someone shit in a dumpster and set it on fire, in front of them, and you sure as shit don't want him at the table next to you eyeballing your milkshake. Instead the homeless decide to dig through trash cans for food because even they're smart enough to know that its a lot easier to find chicken nuggets in the trash than it is to find a bottle of vodka or some crack. Maybe next time a homeless person decides to ask you for change you'll get off your moral high horse and give it to them for having to decency to not eat around you and get a 32 oz king cobra instead.

That's all for now, remember kids start saving up those pennies for black friday.

-Lozano out

CODE ONE: A Brief Look At Retail

[Editor's Note: Welcome Veronica, a brand new IEC guest blogger and my partner in crime (that's the cutesy way of saying we're in a relationship). Below is her first article about working in retail. Enjoy!]

CODE ONE

For those of you who have never had a job in retail, consider yourself lucky. The few of you that have or are currently putting yourselves through the stress and pain let’s talk about what our work week looks like.

Customers: Most of them are nice and courteous until they don’t get their way. I once helped a lady who made me price match Vitamin Water. I understand times are tough but I seriously gave her twenty or thirty cents back. It was ridiculous! The second person I helped was pretty recent, this woman was angry that she was at the store so late at night. It was almost an hour after closing and she’s pissed off at me and telling me to hurry because she has to be somewhere. This comment blew my mind since I have a home I wanted to get to but couldn’t since this dumb slut wants to buy something really expensive five minutes before we close. There’s a process you stupid cow! There are far too many stories like these or worse from some of my co-workers.

Policy: From day one we are taught to follow the rules and the policy. The policy is there for a reason, or so I’m told. I am aware of the few times that we are able to make exceptions but some things I’ve seen are beyond questionable. We have a thirty day return policy that we have to follow so I’m not sure how a woman who bought a product five months ago is able to return it for cash. Even after speaking to my direct manager she went to the general manager. It was his decision to make this exception. This same guy also had me exchange a handheld game system that wasn’t even purchased at our store. This was surreal to me. If I would’ve known that the policy was more or less like an outline then I could have saved myself from a few headaches.

Hours: Lately the hours for the store are pretty bad. Less money in the budget mean less people on the sales floor or gaps between coverage which translates to unhappy customers. So they leave. We can’t hit budget if no one is there to buy. Besides this whole mess no one tells us if our schedule is changed. There is or was a rule somewhere they have to tell us twenty-four hours before a shift change. This almost never happens. Hours get cut or shifts completely taken off and there’s not a single word. To top it all off the website we have to check our hours is currently down, and has been for the past two weeks or so. You’ve really got to love technology.

Even if you were to ignore everything I’ve just said you would still have to worry about high school. What I mean is that some people will never mature or just grow up and respect others. As if all that wasn’t enough, you have to deal with fellow employees who treat the work place like a playground. Unnecessary drama complicates the work space and makes surviving a retail day more difficult than it should be. I’ll have to dedicate another entry to work place drama so I’ll see you all next time and wish you good luck in retail wonderland.

- Vero

Hulu Plus Review

Twenty-four hours into my Hulu Plus experience and I've got some thoughts about this $7.99 service.

Having every season of Saturday Night Live at the click of a button is priceless and worth the fee all by itself. I've already skipped around to some of my favorite episodes and sketches including the Garth Brooks episode where Will Ferrell plays the devil (Fred's Slacks is a winner!). I've already added a whole list of other seasons to the que which makes my old VHS recordings obsolete. Keep in mind that Hulu is a joint venture of FOX, NBC, and ABC so for Hulu to make sense for anyone you'll have to be a dedicated fan of at least one show from one of those networks and not own a DVR. I don't have cable or a DVR so being able to watch The Office, Parks & Recreation, Community, The Daily Show, The Colbert Report, and Saturday Night Live at my leisure is convenient times a thousand. I've yet to explore the full length movie options so I guess this isn't a complete review of Hulu Plus but I noticed that the first twelve features in Most Popular Movies included only one title that I recognized: Super Size Me.

There are only two complaints I have thus far: commercials and content overlapping. Commercials for a paid service will take some getting used to thanks to Netflix. And speaking of the big N, a lot of people want to know if Hulu Plus is worth it if you already have Netflix. It all depends on what you watch or how much you're spending now. Spending $16 on both paid services is still only 25% of what I used to pay for DirecTV without HD or a DVR. That said, if you've had Netflix for over a year then you may have already watched some of your favorite TV shows which is a drag. Netflix has Parks & Recreation through season 2 and Hulu has all seasons and the new episodes. Netflix has every season of Buffy The Vampire Slayer and X-Files, but so does Hulu. Content overlapping won't justify spending $8 so if you're not dedicated to any new show from those big three networks then you should skip Hulu Plus for now. Also, when I tried to watch The Simpsons via Hulu on XBOX I was pissed. Not only does it have an "Online Only" disclaimer but the disclaimer is even more misleading because when you go online they don't have all the seasons uploaded like you would expect.

Kinks aside, I love Hulu Plus. There are so many hours of new programming that I can't miss and old favorites that I want to revisit. I'd recommend it to anyone who lives cable-free and has a remote interest in any new television show from those three networks.

The Top 7 Things I've Learned About Apartment Life

We're back. Sort of. Maybe.

Look, we all know how this works. Going on extended hiatus is a tradition here at Infinite Et Cetera and it's one that we intend to continue throughout the years. Loyal IEC observer Mario inspired (threatened) me to update this place with some new content so for the next 500 words I'll offer the top 5 things I've learned about apartment life over the past two months.

1. People are Loud & Obnoxious: Open your windows and doors to let that summer breeze in and be treated to the sounds of a mother yelling at her children because she doesn't have the corn dogs they've been begging for. They eventually decided on pizza, but the worse part about living in an apartment complex is being so closely packed in with people who can't speak at a normal decibel level. Every cell phone conversation is held just outside of each tenant's door for that extra signal bar. God help you if there's a pool on the premises when school's not in session.
2. Avoiding Small Talk Is A Challenge: Coming face to face with the people mentioned above can be a tricky thing. You don't want to be a dick but most of these people use the complex as a public forum for their private life and frankly you've heard enough. In short: you need to keep your cell phone handy and hope you got mail. Nothing beats a fake cell phone conversation about a car repair or surprise BBQ for your cousin. Be careful though because you'll need to switch it up if people get wise to you. I've found that shuffling through the PennySaver as you walk towards your apartment gives the impression that you're occupied and can get by with a simple "Hey" or "How are you".
3. Everyone Has A Learner's Permit: There are two white lines that help guide you into each parking space. These lines do not represent a suggestion. They are painted evenly for each car and each car is meant to fit within each set of lines. When you sign the renter's agreement you are signing for parking space number 1, not number 1 and a half. Get your shit together.
4. Poorly Installed Car Alarms Are The Devil: If you drive down our street and go above 30mph, you will set off car alarms. If you sneeze without warning or drop a fork on the floor, you will set off car alarms. If a bird chirps, you inhale, or a strand of grass sprouts from the ground, you will set off car alarms on our block.
5. Carrying Groceries Up A Flight Of Stairs Hurts My Back: It really does.
6. Hazard Light Abuse: When we were moving in we tried our best to do it discreetly. At non-peek hours of a weekday we brought in a couch, bed, table, and some cabinets. Little by little, box by box, we brought in all our stuff without trying to inconvenience anyone for too long. Sure, we parked in front of the complex with our hazards on for up to maybe 10 or 15 minutes. But we were moving in. I understand that when you live on a street with multiple complexes that this may occur more often than usual but we need to draw the line some place. People moving in, you are allowed to hazard it up for a reasonable amount of time. People picking up your kids, bringing in groceries, chatting it up with your drug dealer, or waiting for a friend do not have my blessing.
7. Beware of Landlords: In our search for shelter we met some great characters along the way but none ended up being as scatterbrained as our current landlady, Sandra. Sandra seemed overly nice at first, comforting us with her promises of no bugs and not allowing loitering on the front lawn. While she means well most of the time she is incredibly inconsistent and forgetful. Someone spray painted the front of the complex and she removed it within hours, but when I reminded her that our sink was leaking and made an appointment for the repairmen to come over she spaced out and lied about not having her phone to receive my inquiries. She can be the cheerful grandmother or the meth addict waiting for her next fix, it really is a toss up.