Ebay Is Addictive, The Superbowl, And Gambling

Happy post-Superbowl, everyone. Hope you all had enough time to digest that mountain of quepapas and Bud Light. With just 5 posts it's safe to say that January was a slow month for IEC so I'm pointing blame in the following directions:

1. David went back to school (I think?), remembered how to smile, and has been drawing up a storm according to all 1,3o4,244 of his Facebook updates.
2. Abel is closely monitoring the Lakers and pulling for an Artest/Ariza trade.
3. Daniel's empty promises continue to remain just that.
4. Yours truly celebrated a birthday, drank a boot of beer at a surprise party, served jury duty, sold a ton of shit on ebay, passed Dead Money on Fallout: New Vegas, and worked a billion hours as usual.

Either way, no excuses. Our collective writer's block is over and it's back to business. Or maybe not, who the hell knows.

Back to the Superbowl. Plenty of bad decisions were made on the field but the real mistakes were made in the kitchen. Watching the game gives us all an excuse to gorge once more before winter is over and pretend that words like "calories", "sodium", and "trans fat" don't exist. Shotgunning cupcakes (the act of stuffing an entire iced cupcake in your mouth and attempting to eat it quickly) imbetween eating foods like buffalo wing flavored Ruffles, turkey chili, subway 6" sandwhiches, and chicken wings is not recommended at any other time of the year. With Pepto Misol in hand, I finished off what was left in the bottle and prayed those nachos I tacked on for desert at 12:14am Monday morning would stay down.

I didn't get to watch the Superbowl last year and pig out, but the year prior I was in Las Vegas gambling away my tax return and going all in with a pair of 9s. I didn't lose a crazy amount of money, but since then I haven't gambled heavily. Last March I was in Vegas for St. Patrick's day and won $500 from a slot machine, the most I've ever won since visiting there. But playing a few hands of poker or taking a shot at the slots just doesn't match up to the fun of betting on sports, especially baseball. I'm already a fan of the game, but when you start trying to pick five winners for the same ticket for some crazy amount of money it's that much more fun. Why else would you be interested in the pitching match-up for the Pirates-Brewers game? I've been good, though. I've stayed away from old habits despite the fact that the advent of the smart phone is making matters worse. All this access to live scores and highlights wherever I go makes it easier to watch the results for instant jubilation (or humiliation).

Luckily there is eBay. It was fun watching all these auctions end while trying to find out how much someone will spend on a three-year old electric guitar (Note: It costs $90 to ship a guitar to Virginia. Not $50. Ninety fucking dollars via FedEx). Everything sold, from old video games to a GPS that became obsolete courtesy of my Droid Incredible. Throwing your old junk on eBay is a fun gamble since you never know how desperate someone is and you keep waiting to see if you might get back what you originally paid for it. There are tons of bargains too, like this Todd Marinovich signed 1992 Upper Deck All Rookie Team football card for just $12: (http://cgi.ebay.com/TODD-MARINOVICH-1992-UPPER-DECK-SIGNED-AUTO-31-RAIDERS-/130360654625?pt=LH_DefaultDomain_0&hash=item1e5a19bb21).

eBay is a decent enough gambling-like substitute that I can live with right now so wish me luck and I'll see you all next time.

- Mike O.

Artwork, Liner Notes, and Thank Yous: A Look Back At Tha Dogg Pound's "Dogg Food"

November 17th, 1995 - Entertainment Weekly, p.79: "...a dictionary entry for `Long Beach rap.'....anchored by familiar, rib-shuddering Jeep beats and eerily dazed synths, buckshot rapping spices up the album's predominantly loping gait, and soulful R&B swing, touches of dancehall, and old-school vocals look beyond So-Cal..." - Rating: A.

I'll try to reconstruct this memory as best as possible. When I was eight years old I got a hold of Snoop Doggy Dogg's Doggystyle cassette tape which had just been released and featured an elaborate fold out comic strip smothered with profane artwork and language. A few listens later coupled with the edited replays on local radio stations some lyrics were not making sense. Sure I figured out "dat" meant that, "tha" meant the, and "niggaz" meant preferred acquaintances, but when it came to the line in Lodi Dodi, "Cause you took your dope away from me", I honestly had no idea what that meant. Snoop would never bring some moronic friend (a dope) to spoil a rowdy party and even if he did why would that person be missed when taken away? I was eight, my sister was just as clueless, and I didn't have any older brothers so that meant I went to mom for some clarity. Soon after the tape was gone, destroyed, ripped apart and thrown in the garbage can. The worst part is I didn't learn my lesson since it was three years later when I was again confused by Howard Stern's use of the word douche bag and once more sought parental insight.

That memory got me thinking about albums, past and present, that I'd heard but didn't bother really looking into the liner notes or booklets. Earlier today I was going through my CDs and found Tha Dogg Pound's Dogg Food and decided it was time for some deconstruction. Instead of reviewing the music (After all, Entertainment Weekly giving it an A pretty much somes things up, right?) I'll instead take a look back into the artwork, liner notes, thank yous, and gratuitous vulgarity that gets funnier each time I read it.

Above is the fifth page of the album's booklet which features a touching thank you from Kurupt to his beloved mother. It reads: My Momma (who always got my motherfuccin' bacc, no matter what the fucc happens. "I LUV U!"). In fifteen words Kurupt has summed up the feelings for his momma that echo the sentiments we have towards our own mothers. In contrary to all this love, the second to last line on the page showcases a stern warning from Daz to his enemies. It reads: Fuc all you bitches with 500 dollars worth of shit on your heads. Since four hundred dollars worth of shit on your head wasn't enough he had to throw in ANOTHER hundred just to teach you a lesson. Daz really doesn't appreciate your hating.

Page three pictured above. Unfortunately for us Sam Sneed and Danny Boy were only given the opportunity to release an EP and not an LP. We're still waiting. Speaking of waiting, Michel'le made us wait nine years to follow up her self-titled debut with the sophomore release of Hung Jury that had favorites like "Hang Tyme" and "Can I Get A Witness". And I won't get into the history of Club 662 but Wikipedia says it's now called Club Seven which I cannot find any information on. Somebody help me out before my next Vegas trip.

Tha Lass Supper? Da Lazt Supp'r? Thanks for not putting the name of the painting in the notes fellas. I really am curious to find out if Da or Tha was used to title this painting and what rules apply in figuring that out. Hopefully there's a clever way to remember the rule. Da before Tha except after... - Whatever the title is, I'm still trying to name everyone in it. I'm assuming the ones I can't name are the ones who were never famous, like Sam Sneed and Danny Boy. Also, The Lady of Rage looks like Princess Leia.

Here's where I need your help. If you own the CD please remove it from your shelf and open the booklet to pages two and three. See Daz chilling in the car in the upper right looking like he just passed out? Good. Now take a good hard look at his attire. Sleak black jacket and slacks, check. Golden bracelet, questionable but appropriate. Newsboy cap, otherwise lame and douchey but permissible since it's Tha Dogg Pound and not you. Now, look at the tie Daz is wearing. Look really hard. That's right mothafucca, Daz is wearing a tie with a reindeer on it. Antlers, red nose, frolicking. Daz is sporting Rudolf running around in the woods on his tie. Here is the best scanned zoom I can get:

Awesome.

That about does it for deconstructing Dogg Food. I hope you've all seen the value of album artwork, booklets, liner notes, thank yous, and vulgarity. I'm working on the next album artwork deconstruction so until then try not to be a hater or you'll be swimming in five hundred dollars worth of shit.

A Message from Ferny Regarding the Raiders' 2009 First Round Draft Pick

"FUCK AL DAVIS!"

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