Surfin' USA: Third Edition

Some leads, news feeds, quick reads, no anal beads:

• Pizza-making Vending Machine Worries Chefs. [link]
• Super Mario Bros. 3 Warp Whistle Sends You To Chicago. [link]
• Amazing Art Made With Old Cassette Tapes. [link]
• Picture: Bobby Knight In New Guitar Hero Ad (?). [link]
• Dodgers Interested in Pitcher Mark Mulder. [link]
• ShamWow Guy Arrested For Assaulting A Prostitute. [link]
  

Curb Your Enthusiasm: Historic Television

With just sixty official episodes over six seasons Curb Your Enthusiasm now owns a spot in television history as one of the greatest comedies of all time. Think about all the sitcoms aired over the last five years. Think about how many were over sixty episodes and how many are just as funny as the canned-laughter would lead you to believe (Two and a Half Men is up to 134 episodes while Arrested Development barely made it to 53. Really?). So for those of you who've yet to see any season, to say you're missing out would be an understatement.

It's unfortunate that it took me this long to get to finishing the entire sixth season, but I can safely say that CYE is better than anything on ABC.

There's still hope for you, however, as season seven of Curb Your Enthusiasm is currently in production which gives you plenty of time to catch up. At an average of thirty minutes per episode, you can knock out all sixty episodes in less than two weeks guaranteed. And for those of you who are already caught up, here's a great season six compilation featuring the lovable Leon Black:

You've Watched The Sopranos Too Many Times When...

I was on three hours of sleep the last two days and apparently it took a toll on my unconsciousness. In thirty seconds, here's what went down in last night's dream:

While playing on a local golf course I casually run into Chevy Chase. He was excited to see me because he mistook me for the voice actor behind Bart Simpson. While pretending to be a huge fan of his work, he said he was an even bigger fan of mine. He rolled up his sleeves and made me sign his giant arm, writing my name and then in huge letters "Voice of Bart Simpson" beneath it while he explained his son was a huge fan. We ended up going to some kind of golf after party with tons of fancy ladies and I eventually woke up.

To recap: golf course, Chevy Chase, mistaken identity, Bart Simpson, giant bicep/forearm, after party.

I'll let all of you deal with this one while I prepare my March Madness apology blog.

Live Blogging: WBC Championship Japan vs. Korea

Live blogging the 9th inning of the 2009 WBC Championship between Japan and Korea. Please refer to IEC's slogan in response to your complaints.

9:28pm: 1 out left in the bottom of the 8th. Crowd going wild. ESPN says 54,000 people and you might have to agree since it's loud as hell.

9:33pm: One of my favorite "This is SportsCenter" commercials with the New Jersey Red Devil just played.

9:36pm: Ichiro almost knocked one out just like the Seattle Mariners almost made the playoffs.

9:37pm: Hee-Seop Choi ran on the field and was quickly tackled by Dodgers security.

9:40pm: Score is 3-2, Japan leading. Korea with some nice defense, 3 players named Lee, 2 named Kim, and one Choo.

9:46pm: Korea gets a strike out to end the top of the 9th. Just 3 outs left.

9:49pm: Here's something I know you're all thinking to yourself: "Are they serving Dodger Dogs made with real Dog to make Koreans feel at home?". You sir, are an ignorant racist.

9:51pm: Crowd is confused by the playing of Europe's The Final Countdown. There's no team from Europe playing here.

9:57pm: Announcers shocked by the movement of a slider. Ball 4, men on first and second with one out. 2 walks in a row.

10:01pm: With one out left and two men on, Japan looks for their second WBC Championship. If only America cared.

10:03pm: One of Korea's Lee players gets a base hit, we're all tied up! Here we go excitement here we go, clap clap.

10:06pm: The game is going into extra innings. I know it's past 1am on the east coast and ratings in America aren't what they should be, but this has been a very fun game to watch. Updates will be sporadic as I check on my homemade Coca-Cola Barbecue Sauce that's ready to boil. Stay tuned...

10:23pm: Ichiro comes through in the clutch. Japan leading 5-3, Korea is D O N E.

10:39pm: Game over! Japan wins 5-3 thanks to Ichiro. He's a hero to us all.

10:43pm: "I Love LA" played in the background. Carlos' response: "wtf!"
__

Closing Comment:

Earlier today every writer on Around The Horn said they didn't buy into the WBC since America doesn't send the best of the best. It's a valid point, especially now that Japan has won the second WBC Championship and has a great chance to three-peat.

For people like myself who enjoy watching sports on TV, especially baseball, the WBC is something I follow casually and will at least try to watch when aired. But I'm not most baseball fans. I'm not sure the MLB will ever come to terms with the fact that most American's could care less about this championship. Baseball is too deeply rooted in American history for a Braves fan, let alone a Braves player, to care about any championship that isn't the World Series.

The U.S.A. will never win the WBC Championship unless they bring a group of players together who play/practice regularly. And we will never see the best of the best from every MLB team unless a real gold medal is involved and the Olympics moves to December through March.

I'm So Excited, And I Just Can't Hide It

Tommy Lasorda sleeps during interview, courtesy of AwfulAnnouncing:



The "Huh?" response at around 2:10 is too funny.

March Madness '09: Predictions O'Plenty

Oh, March Madness. How you bless us all with chants of "Tea Bag (insert player's name)" courtesy of the faithful fans at any accredited college:

Thirty-two teams, sixteen games, all starting at 9:20am Pacific Time on CBS today. It's a great time in any sports lover's life, especially for baseball fans who know it's less than a month away from Opening Day 2009.

This year, the $20 contribution to your office pool doesn't have to go to waste. Just as I predicted the Super Bowl champion a few weeks ago, I'm here once more to give you the Elite 8, Final 4, and NCAA Championship predictions that will make you a millionaire:

• Elite 8: Louiseville, Kansas, Washington, Memphis, Pitt, Duke, North Carolina, Syracuse.
• Final 4: Louiseville, Memphis, Pitt, North Carolina
• NCAA Championship: Pittsburgh vs. Memphis
  
• Winner: Pittsburgh by 5.

Don't question the Washington pick. Let's just say I feel good about that state in general.

[Note: Picking against all of the above mentioned predictions is most likely the best strategy and is highly suggested by the author's asshole friends.]

To make things interesting, if Pitt doesn't win, I will buy these oven mitts:

Sisters From Sister Sister Not Sisters On New TV Show

Disney and ABC Family Channel present Roommates, starring Tamera Mowry and "a group of twentysomethings who move in together after college".

ESPN, which is owned by Disney, treated me to a commercial of the sitcom earlier this evening. My expectations for the show were fairly high until I noticed that Tia was not shown in any part of the preview. Assuming this was an editor's mistake caused by limited time I immediately set sail for Wikipedia.

No mistake, Tia is not on the show, nor is she in the gutter. Apparently she's on another show on the CW that nobody watches called The Game (in it's third season?). The Sister, Sister television reunion we all wanted to see will have to wait just a bit longer.

Thank you, ESPN.

Brace Yourself...

IEC contributor and punctuator extraordinaire David would like it very much if you visited his new website by clicking [here]. For google search purposes, http://rtv3.org/davidN is not just a shrine to early 90s html How-To websites but is also where you learn of new places to eat and new music to listen to.

As a bonus, the tenth visitor gets to buy David an Irish Car Bomb.

Happy St. Patrick's Day everyone.

What To Mute

"Pocketful of Sunshine" by Natasha Bedingfield is responsible for your nightmares about Pechanga Resort & Casino. Just try to watch a Laker game without getting caught up in the "take me away" part of the chorus.

Mute.

[Or, click here to listen to the song a few times while reading the lyrics. You can thank YouTube user BabyGirlHollywood23 later.]

Manny Ramirez Wins Picture/Video of the Week

Manny riding an adult size tricycle at spring training. ESPN has the video [here].

With all the Pedro talk, I was gonna mention how cool it'd be to see Nelson de la Rosa (famous for the picture below) but was saddened to learn he passed in 2006. Known also as Mahow to his fans he is credited with being the world's smallest actor and the fan site dedicated to him remains in tact. He did an interview with Jimmy Kimmel a few years back and I'm pretty upset that I missed it. Rest in peace, Nelson.

An Evening @ Pink's Hot Dogs

Hollywood, about 10:05pm, Monday night. Clear skies, empty freeways, broken parking meters, all coming together at once. I don't mean to get all Bill Plaschke on everyone, it's just that when you wait less than an hour to order food at Pink's you know it's a good day.

Before Pink's, a quick stop at Amoeba Music was made. Not because I needed anything specific, but when there's time and money it's a good place to spend a few hours. Hot Shots on DVD for $4.99, The Editors first album for $7.99. Money well spent.

Being 5 minutes from Pink's and fairly hungry is a dangerous combination, but I'll get to that. In a line of about 60 people, I'm sandwiched between Asian tourists and a group of men practicing show tunes. Behind the counter there's a problem regarding lunch breaks for the cooks. The manager, old whitey, was asking through a translator who looked to be the head bilingual chef to ask the employee in question to stay on the floor a little longer before leaving for her lunch. Head chef translates the proposition and the cook is obviously displeased, throwing a minor tantrum for all of our entertainment. When you watch a white person get yelled at in Spanish, especially when he is unfamiliar with several spicy profanities, don't look away.

When you've eaten at Pink's before, it can be tough to decide what new things you want to try, and what new things you'd rather not. People were ordering The Martha Stewart, The Ozzie, The Rosie O'Donnell, The Today Show. I noticed nobody was ordering something called America The Beautiful. Pressed for time, I was forced to order this America dog without really seeing what it was. There was only one sign for it, and I didn't pay much attention 10 feet earlier. "Next!" was yelled and I wasn't going to waste anyone's time.

Big mistake.

The America The Beautiful Hot Dog is aptly named. You see, it turns out that for $6.50 you get a 12" Jalapeno Braut, covered in bacon strips, pastrami, lettuce, and tomato. The guys behind me singing show tunes saw this thing hit my plate and replied, "you're going to die if you eat that."

Everyone in line who could see it was trying to help us figure out what made this dog so U.S. of A. Then, of course, it hit me. The guy in front of me with his girlfriend asked "What's so American about it?" and I said it must symbolize our obese, overweight nation. Everyone laughed, except of course me since I was the husky American who had ordered this appropriately named monstrosity. Pink's doesn't even list this thing on their website, even though many of the other special dogs are on there. Maybe that's a bad sign.

One guy offered to help me eat it so I wouldn't have a massive heart attack and spoil everyone's night. I declined the offer and promised those around me that I wouldn't finish it and was just as surprised as they were that this thing existed.

Anyways, I ended up eating about a third of it, wrapped up the rest, and will be mailing it to a third world country to help put an end to starvation.

If you don't want to look like Bill Plaschke, do not order America The Beautiful at Pink's.

Good Source Post by Surprise Guest Contributor!

Guest contributor Danny (pictured above) honors us with his first IEC appearance showcasing a candy bar that is sure to provide you one good source:

Danny's Diagnosis: Awesome! Can't wait to get all tweaked out on Butterfingers. This is also a cheap alternative to cocaine and speed.

---

We look forward to his future contributions to IEC!

Surfin' USA: Second Edition

The next official blog is coming soon, so in the mean time here is my second list of recommended links mostly from today:

• The Onion: Area Man Thinks He Was Fired Because of Recession [link]
  
• AP News: More Americans Say They Have No Religion [link]
• AwfulAnnouncing: Jeanne Zelasko Not Invited To Dodger Tryout [link]
• SportsByBrooks: TBS Cancels 'Frank TV' (Yes!) [link]
• DeadlineHollywood: Watchmen's $55 Million Gains First Place (Madea Goes To Jail a close second) [link]
• The Vatican: Washing Machine Responsible For Liberating Women [link]
  

And Pic-of-the-Week goes to Ghostbusters vs. Jesus, courtesy of Topless Robot: [large image]

We Are The LA Dodgers

Found via SonsofSteveGarvey.com.

Breaking News!: Snuggie vs. Slanket on Inside Edition.

Another one of my days off was ruined by a 2 hour and 34 minute trip to the dentist. That, surprisingly, still wasn't the biggest waste of time incurred during my pseudo weekend.

Inside Edition, hosted by my childhood crush Deborah Norville, had a feature Monday evening on something near and dear to your heart: The Snuggie. At 4 million Snuggies sold, the founder of the Slanket wants a piece of the action.

...they're even flying off shelves at stores like Bed Bath and Beyond...but not everyone is cozying up to the Snuggie™!

"It's disheartening when your original ideas are stolen," says Gary Clegg, the inventor of the Slanket.

The Slanket is a blanket with sleeves that looks a lot like a Snuggie™.

"Everything about [the Snuggie™] is eerily similar," says Clegg.

Clegg says he came up with the Slanket 10 years ago in his college dorm room. "It was a cold night and I didn't want to expose even an inch of my body to the cold winter bite, so I cut a hole in my blanket," Clegg tells INSIDE EDITION.

Slanket. Snuggie. It's simply too much.

Somebody put a Magic Bullet in my brain.

Watermelongate '09

In local news, Los Alamitos Mayor Dean Grose resigned about 2 hours ago for what the LA Weekly dubs as Watermelongate.

Pictured above is the White House lawn replaced with a watermelon patch. Mr. Grose sent this to coworkers and fellow members of the city for reasons beyond my comprehension.

I'm not saying that inappropriate, racial, or racist humor can't be funny because it certainly can be. But if you're the mayor of a city you have to hold back on the FWD button for a few seconds and think about what you're doing.

Unknown, Overly Flamboyant, Possibly Gay Superheroes: Issue 1

With Watchmen opening in less than a week, I figured it was time to get into the superhero swing of things and present lesser known *!Super!*-heroes.

Actually, this will probably be the first/last issue unless David or anyone else has something more to add. You see, I came across the Texas Twister accidentally. An old X-Men episode featured the villain Red Skull, I Wikipedia'd said villain, which led me to S.H.I.E.L.D., which then led me to members of S.H.I.E.L.D. that included the Texas Twister, Drew Daniels:

Drew Daniels was born in Amarillo, Texas.. He is working at a cattle ranch when a tornado and radiation from a nearby nuclear reactor affect him at the same time. The net effect was to give him the power to generate tornadoes at will.

Safe to say I don't know much about the comic book/superhero universe. But I couldn't help but laugh at the bio of this southern fried dandy in all his baby blue glory. Texas Twister is an expert rodeo rider, mind you. But he's got other battles to fight, as explained further in another entertaining portion of his bio:

Soon, however, Texas Twister returns to the Avengers Compound at a time when Hawkeye was alone, demanding to see the captive demon. Twister declares his love for the demon, which turns back into Shooting Star. Texas Twister went on to explain that the demon had come to him months ago when Twister's powers seemed to be fading, making him afraid that he'd lose Shooting Star if their rodeo act broke up on account of his lost powers. The demon offered to augment the Twister's powers in exchange for his soul, and the Twister agreed, but after his powers were restored he begged to be spared. The demon then takes over Shooting Star instead. The demon proceeds to cast a spell that prevents Twister from telling anyone about this. The spell did not prevent Twister from researching the occult on his own; this is how he finds a way to break the demon's original spell.

If Iron Man knew this guy was in S.H.I.E.L.D. I'm sure he would have revoked his membership long ago. So goes the superhero universe I guess, filled with tons of obscure guys just like this. There's definitely too much radiation out there being accidentally used on the wrong people. There had to of been a better human casualty, even in 1976.

Congratulations, your 2009 Halloween costume has been decided.