March Madness '09: Predictions O'Plenty

Oh, March Madness. How you bless us all with chants of "Tea Bag (insert player's name)" courtesy of the faithful fans at any accredited college:

Thirty-two teams, sixteen games, all starting at 9:20am Pacific Time on CBS today. It's a great time in any sports lover's life, especially for baseball fans who know it's less than a month away from Opening Day 2009.

This year, the $20 contribution to your office pool doesn't have to go to waste. Just as I predicted the Super Bowl champion a few weeks ago, I'm here once more to give you the Elite 8, Final 4, and NCAA Championship predictions that will make you a millionaire:

• Elite 8: Louiseville, Kansas, Washington, Memphis, Pitt, Duke, North Carolina, Syracuse.
• Final 4: Louiseville, Memphis, Pitt, North Carolina
• NCAA Championship: Pittsburgh vs. Memphis
  
• Winner: Pittsburgh by 5.

Don't question the Washington pick. Let's just say I feel good about that state in general.

[Note: Picking against all of the above mentioned predictions is most likely the best strategy and is highly suggested by the author's asshole friends.]

To make things interesting, if Pitt doesn't win, I will buy these oven mitts: