Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Breaking News: IEC On Hiatus!

When the sound of a laminated 3 by 2 business card is heard slapping the palm of a hand on every street corner, you just might be in Las Vegas.

When the sounds of jackhammers fill the air as concrete dust flows above your head in every direction, you just might be in Las Vegas.

When the smell of jello shots made with all the colors of the rainbow fills every casino entrance doorway, you just might be in Las Vegas.

Infinite Et Cetera returns on February 2nd, 2009. Arrivahderchie

(Please reply to this post with the date of your birth so that it can be bet on at Roulette. Winnings will be divided evenly, so good luck!)

Monday, January 26, 2009

Super Bowl XLIII: Prediction Explosion

As promised, here are your guaranteed winning bets for Super Bowl XLIII.
  • Winner: Pittsburgh Steelers by 9 points, beating the 7 point spread.
  • Score: 31-22
  • Coin flip: Tails
  • Leader at the half: Cardinals, by 3 points.
  • First Touchdown Scored By: Cardinals
  • First Wide Receiver To Catch A Pass: Larry Fitzgerald
  • Super Bowl MVP: Larry Foote, Pittsburgh Steelers
There you have it. Feel free to reply in the comments section with the total amount of your winnings and how much you plan on sharing with me.

What To Mute

Armani is a model from Sydney, Australia. According to, her turn-ons include dark sexy eyes and people that are down to earth.

Thanks to ESPN, you've heard her Jim Beam "The Girlfriend" commercial about a dozen times when you should have only just seen it a dozen times.


Saturday, January 24, 2009

Michael Eve - January 24th

Michael Eve should not to be confused with Christmas Eve (day before Christmas), Daniel Eve (day before Danielmas), Abel Eve (day before Abelmas), or even David Eve, Carlos Eve, Chita Eve, Noe Eve, Victor Eve or Mario Eve (days before Davidmas, Carlosmas, Chitamas, Noemas, Victormas, and Mariomas).

Michael Eve is also not this guy:

No. Michael Eve is the day before the birth of Michael (or MikeO if said quickly/cutely). It is a grand holiday that prepares you for the let down that is Michaelmas. It is a day in which the celebrated one works tirelessly helping consumers decide which Dynex memory card reader to buy only to be rewarded later with an endless bounty of Swedish Fish and Aquafina. Michael Eve is also shared with Alicia Keys Eve, as both are celebrated similarly (replace Swedish Fish and Aquafina with Sour Patch Kids and Vitamin Water).

Several celebreties were born on Michael Eve, including Mike Awesome, Yakov Smirnoff, Neil Diamond, John Belushi, Tatyana Ali (Ashley!), Tom Kostopoulus, and Scott Kazmir.

No gifts are prepared or wrapped. No coasters are used and no gyros are eaten.

Instead, those participating in the holiday may simply adhere to the following:
  • Watch at least 10 minutes of any Back to the Future movie
  • Browse some sports websites or tech-savy blogs
  • Find out if that girl you like is working at Trader Joe's today
  • Drink something of coldish consistency
Happy Michael Eve you fucks!

Saturday Salesman: Volume 2

Welcome to Volume 2 in our Saturday Salesman series. Each Saturday we'll find a few videos that have to do with selling a product, sales in general, or just some mildly entertaining commercials I've been obsessed with. Enjoy...

Salem Cigarettes

Ichiro Selling Bugles


Bonus!: Totino's Pizza Rolls Commercial

Japan + Mario Bros. + YouTube

I have no introduction, explanation, or comment for the following video from Japan:

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Snak Club Peach Rings: Good Source of Carbohydrates

You can get 70% of your daily sugar allotment from one giant bag of Peach Rings.

Clear Channel: (Not) Feelin' You!

Clear Channel has made some big changes at Fox Sports Radio, and a lot of them were done in Los Angeles.

The Loose Cannons is no more. Mychal Thompson was booted from the trio and there's still no word as to whether or not he'll still be covering Laker games at their new home, ESPN 710. Clear Channel is adding Chris Myers (of FOX Saturday Baseball) with Steve Hartman and Vic Jacobs and sending that show nationwide. This probably means the end of Vic "The Brick" Jacobs as I'm sure the entire country will not embrace "Feelin' You!" the way people in Los Angeles have.

Petros & Money still have their gig, but they too will be going nationwide and replace the spot formerly held by Andrew Siciliano and Krystal Fernandez. I'm happy for Petro because he's a good on-air personality and probably highlights the best show on KLAC right now, but he admits to favoring local broadcasting over national because he's all about So Cal. If you've heard him and Money fill in for Rome during the holidays, I'm sure it won't be too bad, but we will miss out on a lot more local stories and breaking news.

The worst part of all the changes, though, is the axing of Ben Maller (again). He hosted the nightly show here in Los Angeles when I was in high school, then got fired, then was rehired for the third shift on Fox some time after. Maller puts on a great show and can handle a good balance of local talk with national topics. He used to bring up things I'd heard earlier on Howard Stern so that was kind of cool. Plus he's probably the biggest Dodger fan on sports talk radio so you always got balanced opinions.

Thanks to SportsByBrooks for the news, for more click here.

Sunday, January 18, 2009

Consumer Alert: We Have Learned Nothing

At $34 million dollars, and about $10 a ticket, that's more than 3 million tickets sold.

1% of the entire U.S. population made Paul Blart Mall Cop #1 this weekend.


Saturday, January 17, 2009

Saturday Salesman: Volume 1

Welcome to Saturday Salesman's video highlights, volume one. Each Saturday I will provide 2 to 3 videos that will help further your career and improve your salesmanship practices. Enjoy.


Larry David, Car Salesman

Thursday, January 15, 2009

Without It, Your Research Papers Would Still Be Incomplete

On this day eight years ago, Wikipedia was born.

It seems like only yesterday you could make up fake entries using your friend's names and they'd go weeks (maybe a month) without going noticed and then eventually getting deleted.

Mr. Belvedere, California Dreams: Get Your Pre-Order Dollars Ready.

Finally. (Again).

Remember when I blessed all of you with news of a Blossom DVD release date? My friend, thou art blessed twice more with news from a websiteth most fair.

First, Mr. Belvedere - Seasons 1 & 2, will be released on March 17th, 2009. Relive all of your favorite episodes with play-by-play episode commentary done by the legendary Bob Uecker. Who could forget episode 14, "The Contract". Kevin agrees to sign a contract stating that he will call George and Marsha if he drinks too much at his Junior prom and they promise not to be upset. He ends up getting wasted and is forced to confront the problem he attempted to mask with alcohol: his undying love for Mr. Belvedere. Fuck yeah!

And just when you thought you were done shopping, California Dreams - Seasons 1 & 2 will be released on March 24th, 2009, just one week after Mr. Belvedere's release. Are you kidding me? If you ever doubted the existence of Jesus, smote yourself. Smote anyone who gets in the way of you spending $44.99 on 31 classicly classic episodes (yes, it will be that much and yes, it will be worth it). From the friendships to the fights, the girls and the bullies, California Dreams is practically a documentary of what high school was like for all of us.

Don't wake me up...

Stuff White People Like

I figure it's a good thing to be late on anything Internet-mania related. It gives you ample time to sort through what's good (Chocolate Rain, I like turtles) and what's bad (Use of the word "fail", "epic", or the very douchey "epic fail"). If you're one of the first hundred people to find out about that talking cats video on YouTube, you are not someone I'd like to know.

Stuff White People Like is another Internet extravaganza I showed up late to. The title is self explanatory, and the author is fairly gifted when it comes to the funny business. I've been visiting the site every other day since rediscovering it and have come to learn that it is incredibly accurate.

On the list: Girls With Bangs, Mos Def, Black Music that Black People Don't Listen To Anymore, The Onion, Being Excessively Early For Events, Classes, Meetings, Work, Parties, Etc;. That's just a taste of all the things I was checking off.

One thing I didn't check off but can admit to hearing others mention was this: Being The Only White Person Around: (excerpt) "In most situations, white people are very comforted by seeing their own kind. However, when they are eating at a new ethnic restaurant or traveling to a foreign nation, nothing spoils their fun more than seeing another white person."

While there are some things I know are not limited to white people liking (Sweaters, Bumper Stickers, Music Piracy) and things I know that this white person does not like (Facebook, Pea Coats, Hummus), the site is well written and very informative for those of you non-Whites looking to get a further look into what drives the 'Caucs.

Sidenote: Can we get someone to update Stuff Mexican People Like?

The Strike Is Over

I've reached an agreement with my sponsors (Snuggie/Shamwow), so you'll be happy to know the strike is over. It's back to blogging and you couldn't be more excited. But before things get rolling with new stuff, here's my web highlight from today (from theonion, of course):

This Short Story About A School Shooting Is Actually Pretty Good

Being a 10th-grade English teacher can be frustrating. I work hard to help my students improve their writing, but when it comes time to sit down and grade their assignments, I'm often left wondering why I bother. Once in a while, though, a student hands in something that is an absolute delight to read.

A student like Brian Petersen, who wrote an incredible short story about a deadly school shooting and how nobody picked up on all the warning signs until it was too late.

It's just fantastic!

Sure, I might expect something this good from one of my more advanced students, but Brian? He's so quiet and withdrawn. To be honest, I was surprised to see him show up for school at all, let alone write such a good story. I guess that'll teach me to underestimate a pupil just because he seems very secretive and completely alienated from the rest of his peers.

Still, what a superb piece of fiction!

Click here for the entire piece.

Thursday, January 8, 2009

Everybody Do The "El Duque"

While we're all in the baseball mood, the following are highlights from some recent arbitrary searches on YouTube, courtesy of the AL East:

The El Duque

'94 Orioles

Lyle Overbay - Wedding / Game Time

Bonus!: Raymond vs. Wally

Wednesday, January 7, 2009

Talkin' Baseball

Scooter, we hardly knew ye.

The article regarding Scooter the talking baseball and his current whereabouts will not be published tonight (postponed until March). Instead, here's a take on a few things baseball related that have happened so far in the oh-nine.
  • The MLB Network: Finally, a place where baseball analysts come together in a field replica studio somewhere in Seacaucus, New Jersey. Bob Costas led things off with an interview with Don Larsen and Yogi Berra, and surprisingly we havn't seen the Costas since. I expected he'd be in as many segments as possible considering his history and love for the game. Without him, we're treated to hourly hot stove updates featuring Al Leiter's pupil-less eyes, Tom Verducci's Danny Tanner smile, and Barry Larkin's neverending forehead. Ken Burns showed up in that weird haircut, but has blessed the network with the okay to air his specials from PBS. Everything was going great until they held batting practice in studio 42 with BJ Upton...

  • JC Romero Suspended 50 Games: If you can forget about him being a stupid Phillie, you'll be just as outraged as the rest of us regarding this suspension. Apparently he wanted to use a supplement from GNC, made sure the supplement was approved by MLB, took the supplement, then was told by the MLB that they made a mistake about it being approved and said it was illegal. Oups! More about this story here.
  • Travis Hafner Cleared To Begin Hitting Soon: Three words; look out Barry.
  • Original Angels Rally Monkey Dies Of Heart Failure: Just kidding.
  • Charlie Steiner Off Dodgers TV Broadcast: This story flew by pretty fast, but Steiner will only be doing the radio broadcast of Dodger games outside of the NL West division. His replacement has yet to be named, but the rumor from my sources (the internet) were pointing towards Jeanne Zelasko. She's already expressed interest in the job. She's also married to this guy:

Saturday, January 3, 2009

Thursday, January 1, 2009

2009: Year In Review.

The sooner the better.

Forget 2009. 2010 will be the only real way to start a new. I'll need everyone's help in not doing anything of importance in 2009 and save it for just another 364 days. Try not to get married, win the lottery, or run in to Lamar Odom at Ralph's.

Stay away from trying new foods or listening to new music. Definitely don't visit any new places, make new friends, or have any surgeries.

Let's get this decade over with, together.