Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Chipping Away: Tapatio Flavored Doritos and Burger King Onion Rings

Daniel's candy review blog will never happen. In contrast, I'm back with my second review of flavored potato chips that will help you make better decisions when you're starved for salty goodness. Welcome to Chipping Away.

Tapatio Doritos: It was inevitable. Flaming Hot Cheetos have been around since at least 1995 and within the past few years we've seen Queso flavored Ruffles, Queso Jalapeno Ruffles, and Flaming Hot Funyuns and Cheeto Puffs. Tapatio flavored chips are the latest from Frito Lay as they continue their dominance in the spicy snack food market. At first bite the chips are more tangy than spicy, much like Snyder's Buffalo Wing flavored pretzel bites. The bag I got was powdered heavily, each chip more dusted in flavor than the last. At bag's end I was surprised that I wasn't in tears which means if you use Tapatio regularly on eggs, potatatoes, and tacos you don't have to worry about burning your mouth. There are no surprises here, it tastes exactly like you'd imagine. I can't see these getting the family sized bag upgrade, but for the $1 snack size they're definitely worth a try.

Taste Summary: Lots of Tapatio flavor, no big surprises, can be pretty spicy for non Tapatio users, best in small doses.
Odds of Heartburn: 15% for Tapatio users, 40% for non users.
Overall Grade: B+

Burger King Onion Rings: Borderline gross. Don't be tempted by the yellow clearance tag for these things at Rite Aid. The original price of $2.29 gets slashed to $1 with your Wellness Rewards Card but you will feel anything but well after eating them. Avoid at all costs. Burger King promises they taste just as good as the fresh ones. Not true. Instead, you get a bunch of puffed up corn meal that is covered in dried minced onions.

Taste Summary: So much dried minced onion, over salted to the tenth degree.
Odds of These Becoming More Popular Than Funyuns: -135,887%
Overall Grade: C-

'Til next time, stay chippy.

- Mike O.

We Didn't Blog The Fire

[Editor's Note: Albuquerque was great fun and you'll read more about it another time. For now, I'm back from vacation and ready to post something that Abel sent in 12 days ago. Apologies for the delay.]


This time around I'd like to talk about something kind of important, the Japan earthquake. Now before everyone starts to mutter how they didn't think I could be a bigger piece of shit than I already am, relax, I'm not going to crap on Japan. No, My anger is geared toward the lack of help the seem to be receiving from the world.

Japan has given this world so much over the years, amazing cars, sweet electronics like the gameboy and playstation 3, pokemon, mario bros, godzilla, and those really sweet horror movies that Americans decide to remake and ruin, as well as mouth watering food. Yet as I sit at home type this, four different channels are showing college basketball (go duke) but not one god damn telethon or even some really long commercial for red cross help has been shown. What the fuck America!

I don't see how Haiti, an island that looked like shit and a half to begin with, gets a telethon and millions of dollars raised for them, which I doubt have been put to good use. Meanwhile the most important contribution they've given the world is a third of the fugees. I'm not saying Haiti doesn't deserve the money, all I'm saying is that a country that's given the world so much deserves at least a couple of drums of lead paint to shield themselves from the radiation.

Where are all the god damn, tree huggers now?

I'm used to seeing craploads of them all piled into boat trying to save whales from being put to good use, yet when millions of people need help these dipshits are busy buying hybrids, American apparel scarves and fingerless gloves. Pussies. Perhaps after they're done shopping for organic vegetables they can come up with a plan to help and do something useful for a change.

What's that? Yes as a matter of fact I have done my part and donated money to the red cross. In your face!

Now with that said, me and my tax write off are out.

- Abel L.

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

I'm Gonna Be (500 Miles er... 10,000 Views)

Happy 10,000 views everyone!

Here we are on the eve of St. Patrick's Day celebrating 10,000 views for IEC. It's actually more like 10,175, but who's counting? I'd like to thank everyone who contributed to the success of this blog and it is with great honor I present you with the picture posted above, courtesy of a neighbor on my street that stacked some used couches in Tetris block fashion on his front lawn.

As we approach the thirty day mark since my last update, it feels right to update everyone on what I've been brewing over these past weeks:

Mile long yard sales have got to go. Every first weekend of the month the city of Lynwood, CA allows tenants on Abbott Road to set up Raider tents that house your variable amounts of used items such as faded Kobe Shirts, piles of old baby clothes, ceramic farm animal cookie jars, non-working R/C toy cars, and of course endless amounts of stained cabinets and furniture. I'm not against anyone making a buck or two off of their used Lupillo Rivera albums or slightly stained FUBU gear. I am against the assholes driving in front of me who. stop. to. look. at. every. yard. hoping. to. find. a. bargain. on. old. patio. furniture. Your hazard lights don't make it okay. Park your fucking car and get the hell out of my way. Lynwood, I beg of you, put an end to this immediately.

Work is tiring, but the income is welcomed. This summer marks my sixth year with the same company and I'm surprised as anyone that I'm still working there. Recent changes have allowed me to do my job with more freedom, but the struggling economy combined with ravenous competition make it tougher by the day. I'm thankful the job has given me the money to help my mom keep the house she mortgaged with my father many years ago. It also gave me the opportunity to lease my own car and put every single thing in my own name. Cell phone, satellite TV, insurance, groceries, rent, hospital bills, appliances, repairs. It's all on me. There aren't many people I know who have to give an entire paycheck to keeping an old family house so it feels good.

Yogurtland is definitely better than Pink Berry. I'm not going into detail here, but Abel was 100% right when he made that statement. Double cookies 'n cream ice cream with oreo toppings? Unbeatable.

MLB The Show '11 is challenging to say the least. This review is limited having only played the demo on PS3, but pitching and hitting is a real pain. The new mechanics make it so that you have to use the analog sticks for practically everything. It works great for the fielding, but to pull down to wind up and push up and tilt for the follow through is asking a bit much when you're pitching. It's a welcomed change to hitting "X" for everything, but I can't see anyone playing an entire game the new way.

Vacation starts in 6 days. March 22nd is the start of a twelve day vacation which includes going to Albuquerque, NM for five days, driving Vero to the dentist to get three wisdom teeth pulled, and possibly attending a Dodger game (not opening day). Obviously, I can't wait. There's a Sonic on every block in Albuquerque and we know someone who just got hired there so we have free tots and chili waiting for us. I'm pretty sure that's all there is to do in Albuquerque, but stay tuned for my post-vacation blog.

The older Black Keys albums are just as incredible as the latest. I heard about these guys in December and already have four of their albums. Get Magic Potion and The Rubber Factory. Great music.

That's all for now. I'm off to Target to buy travel sized everything for the upcoming plane ride. 'Til next time.

- Mike O.

Saturday, March 5, 2011

UFZ: Tax Edition

So I'm not in jail and as of this morning the government deposited $4,750 into my bank. So up yours anyone who said I'd have to work again by January.

How did I do it? How can you do it and not go to jail?

After reviewing my return and seeing that my student credit for not actually attending in 2010 was 1,250 on top of my standard deduction. In addition there's a little known law that went into effect that anyone can cash in on. I can sell you the secret through my new dvd series ($49.99) or you can get a true professional to do your taxes. No not Morty from H&R block, I'm talking about the shadiest person you can find. A guy that makes you go to his hidden office with two boats parked out in front of it and a columbian drug lord exiting as you pull up. I remember telling my accountant how afraid I was that I would owe the government money and he looked at me and said " I will never let that happen." Now here I am debating on what to spend my money on, perhaps a second lava lamp?

Keep in mind that you have to pay for results, someone who will bend the rules and keep you out of jail is not cheap, but the return on investment is a killing. See you in the Dodgers suite.

Tuesday, March 1, 2011

Let's Give 'Em Something To Blog About

Hello, hello, sorry for the gap in between posts but I've been busy with work, school and scouring for food trucks across town. I totally recommend the hell's bell's burger from the koji truck by the way, delicious. This time around instead of going into detail about all the shit that's driving me bananas, I'm just going to spit out random shit that's pissing me off, so just take my word for it.

-I wonder what happens first, Clippers make the playoffs or gas hits 5 dollars a gallon.

-Am I one of the only few who prefers holding a book in my hand and turning pages with my fingers rather than pushing buttons on an e-reader?

-Yogurtland > Pinkberry, suck it.

-Cops should be able to pepper spray grown men who wear UGG boots, they should be allowed to shoot them for wearing them with their pants tucked into them.

-Tattoo removal places should do free removals when it comes to getting rid of Japanese words. Not trying to be racist but unless you're Asian or a ninja it looks stupid.

-People need to stop being assholes when it comes to negative reviews on yelp. 99% of them are stupid and useless.

-Millionaire athletes need to stop acting like bitches because they don't feel they're getting paid enough. Try getting a real job working for practically nothing, then see how much you're really worth.

-Fast food places need to stop coming out with a new burger/sandwich/taco/salad every 2 weeks and instead focus on making one meal that's really good.

-Stop complaining about the price of popcorn and soda at the movie theatre, you want to stop the prices from going up, don't buy shit there, ta da!

-I get it discovery channel, Alaska is a tough place to live in.

-Is there anything worse than a shitty donut?

That's all I got for now, Lozano out.

- Abel L.