Bro, You're A God Among Bros
By Zach Caldwell
You know you're one of my top bros, bro, because you got my back. And I got yours. You're my bro. But you went above and beyond the other night, bromaldehyde. You really did. Saving me that seat at the Velvet Revolver show, even though all those other bros were trying to get up front, bro? So clutch.
You are truly a god among bros.
Just when I think you're as solid as a bro can get, you raise the very definition of brodom to new heights. You're like a brogle, soaring to the farthest reaches of the atbrosphere. Seriously. If it weren't for you and your extreme brobility to hook a bro up when it is most croosh, I'd have been stuck in some bitch-ass seat, cramped all in the corner with a bunch of bitch-asses, bro. But you stepped up. You brovercame all obstacles to help a bro out. This is the kind of shit that makes bros for life.
Brody, I was so stoked when you told Gina to go eat a fat one after she asked if she could have your other ticket, even though you knew you could probably get a pretty deese HJ from her. Bros before hos, bro. That's what I'm talking about.
You are the king of all bros. Brotankhamen. You are the Ayatollah Bromeini. You are Broseidon, lord of the brocean.