Pale Man's Curse

The Sun is a mixture of gases - approximately 75% hydrogen and 25% helium. These proportions are changing over time as reactions in the Sun's core convert hydrogen into helium.

Don't let those chemical elements fool you. 75% hydrogen + 25% helium = Pure evil. Especially if you are forgetfully stupid and of pale pigment.

Why I forgot to put on suntan lotion before spending hours outdoors yesterday is a mystery to me. I keep a bottle in the trunk of my car for no reason apparently. For a while I've been trying to decide on a mascot for IEC and what would be more fitting now than a lobster wearing a Tribe Called Quest shirt eating a snow cone (David, please draw that for me).

While I follow a steady diet of Aloe Vera and water I'd like to quickly comment on the home remedies I googled yesterday that are supposed to help sunburns:

• Water and Vinegar: I know these Do It Yourself remedies are created for convenience and low cost, but I can't think of anything worse smelling than vinegar. I don't care if it works, I'm not smelling like a terrible salad or gross potato chip.
• Tomato Juice: How many things does this stuff cure? Got a sunburn- tomato juice. Need antioxidant lycopene to prevent cancer- tomato juice. Sprayed by a skunk- tomato juice. Want to throw up your lunch- V8.
• Cucumbers, Onions, Potatoes: Stop right there. If you have these and the above items it's time to open your own SubWay.
• Yogurt: "Use it to cool the skin on your face" remarked one site. Do I even have to comment on this? Abel, do not ask me to use this method.
• Crushed Aspirin Mixed With Water: Probably the only realistic non-food related one I found.

So remember, use suntan lotion or you'll suffer from nightmares about that smiling sun on the Raisin Bran box.