Saturday, July 11, 2009

By The Time I Get To Arizona

In about a week I'll be flying to Phoenix, Arizona and staying there for four days. That means I have about 168 hours to mentally prepare for the flying experience and to convince myself that it's a million times safer than those rides at the Tweedy Mile street fair in South Gate.

To bring everyone up to speed, here's a quick look at my flight history:

As you can clearly see, there is a one in six chance (16%) I will be throwing up on myself, nearby passengers, or in a bag of carry on luggage filled with awesome Black Sabbath and LA Kings shirts that will have to be discarded suspiciously in an airport bathroom garbage can. The odds are clearly in my favor.

Quick fact: In Arizona, Arizona Iced Tea is just called Iced Tea.

Aside from the mental preparing I'll be doing before the flight, there's a few things I'll be on the lookout for at my hotel. Let's face it, the trip is business related and there's no real chance of me taking a This Is Phoenix tour, visiting Castles 'N Coasters, or having any real fun in general. So to pass the time and forget about it being eleven hundred degrees here's a list of what I'll be keeping score on with my predictions in brackets:
  • Number of towels in room [8]
  • Number of Rascals in use [5]
  • Number of Asian tourists, or Asian people in general [13]
  • Number of lizards in hallways of hotel [1, 1 and a half maybe. Those Rascals are fast]
  • Number of Renegade Border Patrol support bumper stickers or t-shirts [2]
  • Number of Augie Ojeda jerseys [23]
That about wraps it up. By The Time I Get To Arizona is one of my all time favorite Public Enemy songs so for the rest of the night I'll be listening to it while staring at an inappropriate picture of Jean Grey transforming into Phoenix.

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