Coping With Christmas - Volume 1: The Music

The sculpture above is called Sound Wave by Korean artist Jean Shin. He melted a ton of 78rpm vinyl records to create the wave and it looks amazing.

If I had my way I'd throw every original Christmas recording into a burning fire and melt them just the same. I get two days away from work to spend running the usual errands (getting food from the store, taking clothes to the dry cleaners if I could wake up early enough, harassing the Wetzel Pretzel employees at the mall for free samples, etc;) and because it's December I'm treated to those same old recordings of the holidays.

I hate the majority of Christmas music. All the classics are annoying, sappy, and nauseously repeated by every department store. There's a lot of good that's come from Christmas, including my 1989 Ninja Turtles Christmas tree ornament or Will Vinton's Claymation special (Which I now have to watch on mute) that I still get to have nightmares about. But Jingle Bells, The Little Drummer Boy, Angels We Have Heard on High, Joy To The World, The First Noel, Deck The Halls, and the like are all terrible things to deal with for the next 25 days. As if the classics aren't bad enough you also get to hear holiday originals like Mariah Carey's "All I Want For Christmas Is You" or Faith Hill's "Where Are You, Christmas?". I'll tell you where Christmas is: it's beaten and bloodied inside of a body bag if I have to hear Hark! The Herald Angels Sing one more time at work.

I'm asking for everyone's help in making an anti-overly-played-Christmas song playlist to help me cope. The song could actually be about Christmas in a positive way, just so long as it's not one we've all heard a million times already. Sarcastic, heavy handed, subversive, truthfully sad; I'll take it. Here's what I have so far:

• Augie Rios - Donde Esta Santa Claus: I'll listen to this at least once a year. It's from 1958 and this kid's accent is hilarious.
• The Ramones - Merry Christmas (I Don't Want To Fight Tonight): Entertaining video, love the ending.
• Fear - Fuck Christmas: An obvious choice.
• Ren & Stimpy - I Hate Christmas!: Just found this one and I'm loving the rhyming of listless with Christmas.
• Snoop Dogg & Tha Dogg Pound - Santa Claus Is Coming Straight to the Ghetto: Snoop Dogg in a black santa hat driving a low rider. That's what this season is all about.
• Eazy-E - Merry Muthafuckin' Christmas: Vulgar, but honestly what else would you expect?

Offer up any of your suggestions in the comments section and help me ride out the worst holiday time of the year.

[Spoiler: Please don't suggest the Ding! Fries Are Done video. If I hear it once I'll have to play it in succession five times. Maybe more.]