First off I'd like to say that I hope that the tens of thousands of readers out there are having a great start to the year. I'm kind of hoping that the care meter breaks 10k before the start of another exciting season of Dodger baseball, fuck you McCourts! Anyways, This week I'd like to discuss a topic that is near and dear to my heart, the thorn in my ass that is the window shopper.
I don't have any problems with window shoppers, the problem I have is with the imbeciles who know full well that they're not going to buy anything but yet feel compelled to signal you over from about 50 feet away in order to explain to them the in's and out's of 3D television. 9 times out of 10 these morons own a 26 inch dynex/insignia/coby/vizio tv and watch it on basic cable, why the fuck do you need to know everything about a tv that costs over 2 grand? The only worse than the fact that you're wasting my time is the stupid look on the customers face when you explain something to them, its as if you're explaining advanced Chinese calculus.
Also on my list of people who chap my ass are the customers who feel the need to have everything price checked for them, especially the ones that want you to give them the price with tax. Are you kidding me? Look here you fucking mook, if you really need to know the price of something after tax, 1, you really should be spending your welfare check on something more useful like electricity and 2, I don't know how the 500 dollar price tag doesn't scare you away, yet somehow the 47 dollars in taxes make or break the deal. So the next time someone wearing pajama pants and is holding a kid that smells like its diaper hasn't been changed in about three days asks you for a price check, you tell them to go eat a dick.
Last but certainly not least on my list aren't window shoppers, no, I've got a bone to pick with the people who let their kids run around the god damn store like its some kind of day care center. Keep those things on a leash if you're not going to watch over them. I'm tired of your idiot kids running around the supermarket like they're on fire getting their booger covered hands on shit that isn't on the WIC list. There should also be some kind of policy at Toys R Us that doesn't allow you into the store with children if you're not going to buy them anything. I completely understand that it's not the kids fault for wanting all kinds of things there, hell I go in there now and I cant help but want to go home with half the store. But the next time I'm looking at a lego star wars set and someone let's their idiot kid ride around the store on a bike, the next lap is gonna be your little Lance Armstrong's last because I'm going to clothesline them off that fucking huffy.
I'd also like to give a special thanks out there to all the people who complain about displays not working. If the shit's not working, just deal with it, you know you're not buying it anyway. Stop busting my dick over a SLR camera not working when you're going to be at Chuck E Cheese taking pictures with your metro pcs phone, you fucking dunce.
Speaking of Chuck E Cheese, stop letting your kid go off and join someone else's birthday party. I'm tired of seeing lil Tyrone trying to get cake and tokens from the Nguyen's.
That's all for this week, see you at yogurtland, Lozano out.
- Abel L.