Tuesday, May 17, 2011

UFZ: Return from Stranger Unemployment checks

Well here we are with another money saving experience. Yes I brave long two hour waits and douchey people dressed as pirates with jeans to bring you a few thoughts on Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides.

Pirates has officially joined the annoyance level of twilight, never before have I been so disgusted at human beings dressing like pirates this far from Halloween. Your all right up there on the all time assclown list with those fat chicks that wear softball jerseys to comic con as if they would ever make it to first base both physically and figuratively. Sorry for the angry tone, bad weekend for this reporter.

Alright back to business, I will admit to being one of those people who believes the glory days of this franchise has come and gone, namely when the second movie was released. While the character of Captain Jack is enough to win me over on it's own, it's horrendously overshadowed by how much you will hate Penelope Cruz love interest character of Angelica. I didn't buy there being any chemistry between her and Depp. She single handedly set back anyone named Cruz twenty years. How did she even get famous? Geoffrey Rush and Ian McShane turn in solid performances as Barbosa and Blackbeard. While were on the subject, please note that the only cool part of the movie is the mermaid scene. It's also the most racially ignorant scene, only one black mermaid among all the white ones. Where's the racial harmony, no hispanic mermaids? You know they can swim. No Asian mermaids? Were they all busy doing math and playing tennis for their school? Except for the question of how can such a powerful historic relic depend on a few measly rocks? The plot is fun and simple to follow if you need to use the can during the movie.

Stay after the credits if you want to waste more time, there is an after credits moment with Penelope Cruz that doesn't lead to anything interesting. This movie doesn't do anything to move the franchise forward, but it also doesn't stay in the past, almost as if it was just a season premiere of a television show after losing one of it's characters. All in all it's a perfect afternoon wasting action flick, anything full price and you will have the buyers remorse. If you can see it in 3D, do so, this is one of the few rare movies where visuals are noticeably improved.

If you looking for the best in free movie going experiences follow the LA Times Hero complex, unlike campus circle and gofobo the screenings are not shared with other media outlets. This means few seats go to VIP's, plus you get a free large popcorn and soda. So there you have it a so so movie made better with a few free things.

Here's something more enjoyable than Penelope Cruz

- David N.


Emmy said...

damn, i was hoping for a better movie than a season premiere...

Anonymous said...

I haven't seen the first 3 ones, so I guess I am not missing much.