I know it's Monday, and like I mentioned in the about me section of this blog, sorry in advance.
I've had DirecTv for about 7 months and one thing about paid television is that while you do get more channels, you also get more infomercials. Maybe it just feels that way because, well, there are more channels. Whatever. The point here is this: we're idiots.
Watching ESPN the other day, I tried to keep count of all the NutriSystem commercials with Mike Golic in them. You can sympathize with dieters all you want, but an easy answer is your ticket to nothing. In fact, after watching any infomercial peddling pretty solutions, I usually hope that people would think twice before investing. Ultimately my assumption is that nobody is naive enough to send their fake watch to Cash4Gold and expect a $34 check. I'm sure many of you share the same assumption.
But let me reassure you that people are dumb. That, even when we're in a depression, people will still waste their money. And yes, it's all subjective. That wasting money could technically be considered going to Sizzler to eat "dinner", spending $20 to park at The Forum, or buying everyone at work $7 beers before you know they're $7. But hey, at least I wasn't one of the duds who bought Shamwow!
Your species is currently shelling out extra money for a triple-layered paper towel from Germany to help dry their car and whipe up wine spills. And while I'm still trying to find a monetary figure for how much Shamwow! has raked in so far, check out these consumer reviews from InfomercialRatings.com:
"I purchased this product to clean my car. I could kick myself in the rear for falling for the infomercials. You are better off using an old towel or a sponge. this product does not live up to it's claims."
"... However, he was ecstatic to begin using this miraculous product, and pulled them from the container at once. It took about a minute to find he already had about eight or nine chamois, towels (cloth and paper), and rags from various cloth - all of which worked as well or better than these overpriced items, hawked by a typically weird individual on the tube. Save your bucks, folks!"
7 Pages. 7 Pages of mostly negative, 1-Star reviews from people surprised this thing didn't work.
It gets better. Check out the Shamwow! guy's bio on Wikipedia too: "Vince Offer is a writer, director and comedian best known for appearing as a television pitchman for ShamWow! absorbent towels." Writer, director, comedian. Add to that list Scientologist. That's right, you bought Brawny from a former Scientologist (why he's a former Scientologist is even funnier, check the wiki link).
Don't think the media didn't try and warn us. Here's ABC 15's segment, "Let Daphne Try It Before You Buy It":
This is why people like Matthew Lesko have money. I'm done, goodnight.