New Age Soda

Ralph's is misleading its customers with a fictional product and I won't stand for it. They claim to have an entire aisle dedicated to something called New Age Soda but it really is just a place for some raspberry flavored iced tea and Fuze overstock.

If there is a soda out there that provides some form of unlimited spiritual well-being then it belongs here. Hell, I'd even take some new sodas that glow in the dark or dance when you clap (Please, creators of soda, make one that glows in the dark and make the can dance when I clap at it). To say that I felt swindled when I saw a bunch of Lipton labels would be an understatement.

As if the idea being non-existent isn't painful enough, I do have my suspicions of how the description for aisle 14A came about:

• An overzealous stock boy who found the description "Misc. Beverages" uninspiring.
• There were too many new Gatorade flavors for the sales manager to handle
• Someone in charge of planograms can't decide where to put Vitamin Water (Near the vitamins or the water??!)
• The only guy tall enough to remove New Age Soda from the marquee was off that day
• A Redbull vendor truly believes its product gives you actual wings
• Merchandising realized Old Age Soda wasn't selling the aisle enough

I didn't find my zen in the New Age Soda aisle at Ralph's but I did find out that it has been a very slow Monday and that all of you had better things to do while I wrote this article. My day off was well spent.