Tuesday, November 15, 2011

Pink Elephants On Parade

That fuzzy piece of evidence was snapped in a hurry as the drunk driver of an SUV was being handcuffed and taken away for smashing into three parked cars just outside our complex. Watching the aftermath made me feel lucky for avoiding that kind of drama a few years ago when I'd take my chances at the wheel before sobering up. Either way, here's a list of things you or your party probably shouldn't do or say when being busted for a D.U.I.:

  1. Don't Try To Reason With The Sober: My fiancee called the police moments after the crash. While waiting for the cops to come, the driver's man (aka wannabe Pitbull) tried to reason with the damaged property's owners. Yo man I promise yo we gonna take care of it, naw I'm sayin'.... When on earth has that ever worked? Besides, I just signed up with Allstate and they won't give you a dime unless you have a police report.
  2. Don't Try To Be Smart: Your girl is wasted, she fucked up, take it like a champ. Don't tell the cops what to do especially if you're just as buzzed. Relax and quit whining.
  3. Now Is Not The Time To Try Being Tough: "Who is your supervisor? I want to speak to your supervisor!". Wow. Do you really think that's going to stop your heina from being arrested? Not to mention the fact that when the supervisor arrives you cower in fear and pretended like you didn't say anything.
  4. Don't Make Jokes About The Police When They Can Clearly Hear What You Are Saying Over There: How do you not know about this rule?
  5. Don't Talk Any More: After you've thrown your tantrum, tried to reason with the police or the other parties, just shut the hell up. This guy was walking around the street trying to tell everyone to go back in their homes and mind their own business. He resorted to calling the neighborhood "janky". Reality check: You're only drunk; you didn't get in a time machine to 1978 when people last used that word.

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