Wednesday, October 21, 2009

They Did The Mash

The rumors are true. White people really love Halloween. If you've driven down my street at any point this past week after 10pm it should be easy to spot my house. While every other sane family has turned out their house lights and gone to sleep there's still one porch lit up like a runway with fluorescent bats and Christmas lights.

This is where white people live.

It doesn't stop at Christmas lights, though. There are wooden grave stones dug into the lawn, spooky decals on the main window, and a glowing skeleton near the driveway. This is where white people live. Actually, this is where an unemployed white person lives. Looking for work, not productive. Buying fake spiders and setting decorations, productive. I don't see the logic but I'll move on.

Other than the use of countless decorations and unnecessary energy consumption, there are bags and bags of candy. I've seen the kids on this block and the last thing they need is more candy. Whatever happened to the white people in cartoons and on television that lived up to lame Halloween giveaways like fruits, vegetables, and small bags of pennies? Not to mention that the cassette player (yes, cassette player) will soon be positioned near the porch window with a Halloween sound effects tape just itching to be played with the quality that only mono sound can provide. 'Tis the season.

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